Separated - hubby now in iraq

Former Member

Hi all,
Me and my husband separated in December, then he got called up to go to Iraq. Thing is, he wants us to get back together and sort things out when he gets back but I don't think it is a good idea. I do still love him but we are not good together.
Only thing is I don't want him to get hurt out there and we have agreed to keep in touch. I don't want to lead him on and don't know what to write to him about. Leaving out how much I love him will hurt him but if I put it in he will get false hope.
I didn't write to him at first but I got letters from him begging me to write. What am I supposed to do? I want to keep in touch so his mind is on the job he has to do but how do I answer his requests about working things out. Do I lie and then drop him when he gets back or do I just tell him it's deffinately over and risk him not having his mind on his job out there? He said he can't go on without me? I am so worried about doing the wrong thing. Couldn't bare it if he got hurt and we weren't on goodish terms. I don't totally hate him, it is just over.
Look forward to any advice you can offer.

Former Member

I would say continue writing to him, and if it's possible try to let him know that you're doing it as a friend and nothing more. Explain what you just said; that you do have feelings for him but you know it can't work out. But that you'd still like to keep in touch. That is, as long as you want to keep talking to him? Otherwise you need to tell him it's over, so move on. Hope it works out okay.

Former Member

I'm sure it's possible to write and keep in contact but without leading him on and giving him false hope?

If he gets the wrong message then you'll just have to firmly but gently set him straight. You certainly shouldn't lie and 'drop him' when he gets back...

Former Member

wooooooooah wrote:

I would say continue writing to him, and if it's possible try to let him know that you're doing it as a friend and nothing more.


i totally agree with that. i think under his circumstances he would need to keep in touch with someone he feels close to....i think you should keep writing to him, and encourage him to get through...but make sure that he knows that you are his friend..and not more than that!