not sure whats happening

Former Member

Hi all,

this is my first post as i thought some advice from someone other than my male or female friends would be beneficial to me.

i'm a 28 year old guy who has, for the first time, 2 years after coming out of a 6 year relationship, found himself deeply attracted to another girl. read on...

Long story short, i flew away to cyprus to surprise my parents for new years. on the flight i got talking to the girl sitting next to me and we got on like a house on fire, the 4 hour flight seemed so short due to the easy going intelligent conversation between us.

at the airport we exchanged mobile numbers and agreed to meet up when we get back to the UK.

we met up last wednesday and had a good 2 hours together at a bar after work. again we chatted and just 'clicked'. we both went to our seperate homes after a peck on the cheek and left it at that.

i texted her to make sure she texts me back when she gets home. thread of text messages follows, my comments in bold;

Hi Jenny, i'm home now. I enjoyed tonight. Hope you have a safe trip home. For my piece of mind, could you please text me when u get home. Brad

Hi Brad, I am safely home thanks! Worked out really well actually. Thanks for a nice evening. Take care, Jenny

Hi Jenny, hope you're having a nice weekend. I was just wondering if you'd like to go out for a drink or meal one evening this week. Take care, Brad


Hi Brad, thanks very much for the invite but I'm afraid I need to spend all my free time this week on job applications stuff which is a real drag but otherwise I'll miss the deadlines. I hope your life is a bit more exciting right now! Take care, Jenny

after this i felt dejected, i thought since she hasn't mentioned an alternative date then she's no longer interested. i knew that she was being made redundant so i understand her need to get a new job. so i wrote the following , no pressure, text message;

Hi Jenny, no worries. Good luck with your applications. Hope you find a job that suits! If you do fancy meeting up again just let me know. Take care, Brad

i then didn't hear from her till this morning when she sent the following text message

Thanks Brad! I do need the good luck! Also wishing you luck if you do decide to apply for the teacher training soon. I'm sure you'd be really good...

i had told her that i am thinking of a career change and teaching kids appeals to me. i appreciate her good will towards me but i am still confused. we are both attracted to each other and her body language and eye contact were very positive on the flight and when we met up again in the UK.

my gut instinct is to give her time to apply for jobs, etc and then maybe send her another message saying that i hope the applications are going well and that i am sure she'll get another job real soon and not make any mention of meeting up. i think i'll leave that to her.


anyone any ideas what's going through her mind. what i should do? i do really like her but don't want to pressure her as she is going through the stress of finding a new job.

Brad

Former Member

Haha, mate we know as much as you.

Leave her to the end of the week and say "Ok, it's the weekend: since you've been at it with applications, care to unwind with a booze up?" If she says, no..then maybe it's niot meant to happen right now.

Former Member

I think you're doing perfectly fine, go with your gut, you definitely know your way about.
Just give it time...

Former Member

Doesn't sound like she is interested to me. Paint her into a corner by continually asking the same question and she will eventually answer in a blunt and negative manner, instead of indirectly as she has already done.

Former Member

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Former Member

scarlettleeds wrote:

aggghhh, textual politics, i can't stand it! it's so awful, all the "he texted me first so last time so i can't text him", "he replied to my text but didn't ask a question, do you think i should reply?" it's horrendous, i can't tell you how much time i've spent dissecting and over-analysing text messages with my friends, wondering if a kiss at the end signifies anything...

truth haha, i hate it.

Former Member

To be honest, it sounds to me like she's not really interested, although she may well be interested in keeping you around as a potential. The way her text messages don't really seem to lend themselves to any further chitchat would be (to me) a pretty clear indication, although maybe she just genuinely is busy!

Like scarlett said, take another chance on her and if she says no or is evasive then just forget about it. There's no shame in doing a bit of chasing, but you want to leave it with your dignity intact. Obviously she was interested enough to see you again after your first meeting, so it's not a hopeless case.

Good luck

Former Member

Im going to go against the general consensus here and say that she does sound interested-ish. Shes not being overly flirty, but shes carrying on the conversations and she could easily be really busy - its not necessarily an excuse. If you really clicked, she probably felt it too, and its worth not getting despondant because shes not quick enough, because even worse case scenario it sounds like youd be good mates and if anything developed from there, youd regret not keeping up the contact.

Former Member

confused_dude wrote:

Long story short,

I take issue with that. Anyways, I say keep texting her in a friendly way, but keep your options open. Don't pin all your hopes on it cos you don't want to appear desperate (text politics again).

Former Member

confused_dude wrote:

Hi all,
so i wrote the following , no pressure, text message;

Hi Jenny, no worries. Good luck with your applications. Hope you find a job that suits! If you do fancy meeting up again just let me know. Take care, Brad

i then didn't hear from her till this morning when she sent the following text message

Thanks Brad! I do need the good luck! Also wishing you luck if you do decide to apply for the teacher training soon. I'm sure you'd be really good...
Brad

I think the key phrase here is " so i wrote the following , no pressure, text message"...

just as you were being polite in your text, so was she. Sounds to me that she doesn't want anything serious or romantic and was just being freindly.

Former Member

hi all,

thanks for all of your replies.

i think i will text her again, maybe on saturday, say lunchtime because she has probably been applying for jobs all week and will probably be mentally drained.

i'll probably say something along the lines of i hope the applications weren't too tedious and that she's feeling positive about her chances of getting a new job. i may even try and add some humour into it although i'm not quite sure what...

i do like her a lot but i'm also not at all naive, merely a little rusty when it comes to the whole dating game. i'll just be myself, patient and thoughtful and give her space and see what happens. i had nothing in the first place so i still have nothing to lose.

and without sounding overly big headed, i know i am great guy so it is very much her loss! :razz:

Former Member

instead of texting on saturday, why don't you call her?

if i was the girl in this situation, from the messages you've sent, i would be thinking that you were'nt really all that interested and being the guy, you would at least call instead of ALWAYS texting (i HATE when guys do that lol)... and that you would make it a little more obvious... maybe call and ask her how the job applications went, how was her week, etc. then say "i'd really like to see you again"... so at least it is very extremelly clear and obvious!!!!

Former Member

Maybe she is playing hard to get with you, and wants you to question whether she likes you or not, to make you hang around. But I guess you don't really know until you find out for yourself.

Former Member

MzInnocent wrote:

instead of texting on saturday, why don't you call her?

if i was the girl in this situation, from the messages you've sent, i would be thinking that you were'nt really all that interested and being the guy, you would at least call instead of ALWAYS texting (i HATE when guys do that lol)... and that you would make it a little more obvious... maybe call and ask her how the job applications went, how was her week, etc. then say "i'd really like to see you again"... so at least it is very extremelly clear and obvious!!!!

I agree with that. Your text messages dont exactly scream INTERESTED either. If it was me, i wouldnt be obviously flirting necessarily, even if i was interested until I saw more of a sign from you.

Former Member

how much more interested could i appear?

i texted her a couple of days after we met up and suggested meeting up again for dinner. that's me being interested in her. i then wished her good luck with her job applications. that's me being sensitive towards her. wishing her well, that's me being sincere. and above all even though she hasn't shown me any encouragement, i'm still chasing. that's perserverence in my book. which means, hey, you know what, i'm interested in you!

Former Member

Your messages are lame to be honest, that might be putting her off.

Former Member

Spliffie wrote:

Your messages are lame to be honest, that might be putting her off.

Harsh!

Probably true, though. Be too much of a friend and that's all you get seen for. She's probably seeing you text that and doesn't think you like her like that. That's how textual politics is.

Without flirting, without a bit of a kick, you can easily be interpreted as not wanting her hot body. You are being very polite, instead of being a flirt, a tease.

Former Member

maybe you're both kind of shy?! personally id say she is interested, its possible she really might have been too busy to meet. text her over the weekend, be a bit more flirty and see what happens. sounds like you'll be friends whatever happens so it could be worse.

Former Member

I'm a confident guy, not really shy, just really rusty with the whole dating game and i've forgotten how to 'play'!

any ideas for text message content?

Former Member

confused_dude wrote:

I'm a confident guy, not really shy, just really rusty with the whole dating game and i've forgotten how to 'play'!

any ideas for text message content?

Something sharp, something 'dont really give a fuck'.

The way to play the dating game is not to play at all...if you see what i mean.

I don't take birds on dates, but if i did then i might say something like -

"Allright. Hope you had a good time, we'll do it again sometime. I'll see you about".

That isn't brilliant, but you ain't going to come across wet which is the most important thing unless she's head over heels for you (which, going on her messages, she ain't).

Stay aloof :cool:

Former Member

right, i have decided that i will text her today....

thinking of something like this;

Hi Jenny, i've just had the week from hell at work! hope yours was better, any joy with your applications?

although that does sound lame, it's sincere and if she does respond then it should give me the chance to ask her out again.

what do you guys think? all comments/suggestions are very welcome!

Former Member

Asking after her is always a good sign.

Don't go straight into flirting, but don't not say something because you're scared of how it looks. Just be aloof- flirt, be funny, but don't act like you care too much. Just enough to make sure she knows you do, but she isn't the only iron in the fire.

Former Member

I sent this on saturday afternoon....

Hi Jenny, hope you're well. How was your week, any joy with the job applications? Teacher training info came through eventually! Open day next saturday! Brad


got this in reply this morning

Hi Brad. My week was ok thanks though still dominated by job applications which is getting a little tiresome now! I hope you will be more efficient than me when it comes to doing your teacher training applications! Hope you enjoy the open day. J

to be honest after this message i'm just thinking i now can't be bothered anymore, but there is this niggling thought in my head that keeps telling me to just be really blunt and just say whatever happened to the girl i met on the flight!?!?

she is being far too 'friendly', am i right in thinking that is simply all she wants?!?

Former Member

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Former Member

scarlettleeds wrote:

but your message was completely platonic as well, not a hint of sexual tension in there, if i fancied you and you sent me that i'd be a bit disappointed. you should try being a bit flirtier because that is the kind of message i'd send to a mate, and it's possible she doesn't want to take a risk either. why don't you ask her out again? or call her and be flirtatious and ask her out? and if she says no or you sense she's not that keen, then forget it.

Totally agree. Those messages are what I email my dad every day... With messages like that you can't expect her to just out of nowhere jump you. Maybe try hinting that you want more.

Or call even.

Former Member

what should i say?

i know thats pathetic but i haven't a clue!

Former Member

I would tend to agree with scarlettleeds

your message was completely platonic, just like one people send to friends and family
there was no hint of sexual tension she could also be confused as to how you feel about her and she does not want to risk it either

The best thing to do would be up front and open ith her, tell that you like her and you would like to meet up for a drink, this way you will both know where you stand. Ok so the worse might happen and she does not want anything more then friendship, but at least then youwill know for sure and you can move on, as the longer youstay in this limbo land the more it will hurt if she does say no or onlywants to be friends.

Former Member

Hi Jenny would you like to meet up for a drink and chat sometime this week, I'm free on x y and z.

Former Member

Does one of you have a phone where the speaker/microphone doesn't work by chance? It would be more personal and you could hear how she takes what you say if you just call her for gods sake instead of sending message after message after message with absoutly no emotion.

Former Member

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Former Member

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