If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Options
Essential support for under 25s
Essential support for under 25s
Take a look around and enjoy reading the discussions. If you'd like to join in, it's really easy to register and then you'll be able to post. If you'd like to learn what this place is all about, head here.
Comments
Being in an open relationship wasn't my idea, I came to it with the much the same preconceptions as are being stated here - but my partner explained that they felt it was natural for them to have sex with those of their close friends that wanted to; and if I wasn't OK with that then chances were we weren't going anywhere (that is putting it more bluntly than it was). Having already had to come to terms with the fact that what society says is right, isn't always, I was prepared to give it a go - and I'm very glad I did because If I hadn't I'd have missed out on 14 years with someone I consider the best man in the world.
I know an open relationship isn't for everyone, and I'm prepared to accept my gut feeling that it would suit most people is wrong. But just think a moment. If you loved someone, and (for whatever reason) had far better sex with someone else, would that make you stop loving the light of your life?
I'm not saying there have been no problems around sex, there have. Fear of the unknown made me uncomfortable on the run up to the first time it happened, and I was pretty insecure about my partner having sex with someone of the opposite sex to me, but I soon realised I didn't have to compete. They don't love me because of the sex; they love me, because I'm me - same as I love them because it's them.
On balance there have been far more serious problems about money, work, holiday, kitchen cupboards, washing up...
but i think there is nothing wrong with it if you have you reasons and both want to be in an "open" relationship.
But i dont think i could handle it
I think if the relationship is equally "open" ie. both partners are having sex with other people and are both happy, then there isn't a problem. But I can't help feeling that the partner staying at home and being faithful and loyal while the other one sleeps around, is getting a raw deal.
Yeah, why should one person get a raw deal whilst the other gets the best of both worlds??
On the other hand things can change during a relationship, at which point they would need to be renegotiated, and when it comes down to a mutual incompatability, as described, then the relationship will have to end. And that is a perfectly valid way to feel - even though he makes many other commitments to you, he wont make one that you consider essential. Just as a muslim man expects his wife to make a commitment to him and never talk to or be seen by another man. Just as some girls expect their partners to not have any other female friends.
When needs or expectations in a relationship clash, one of three things can happen - one side or the other decides that it isn't as important as they thought, the relationship reduces to one no longer a partnership, or somebody starts lying and you would end the realtionship "completely disregarding" his feelings for you.
Personally, I was far more put out by them not giving up smoking But they're not getting a raw deal. They are getting to be faithful and loyal, which is one way they like to show their love.