How have ur past relationships affected your future ones??

Former Member

how has everyone on here been affected by bad experiences with members of the opposite sex in the past??? how did the experience make you feel in relationships and life after it ended??

Me: My 1st relationship made me very wary of commitment and made me find it hard to love someone - although with help from firneds+my b.f, ive gotten over it. Think deep down, il always be abit wary of new people though.

Former Member

I'm not going to do anything long distance, emotionally involved, or committed.
Unfortunately, I couldn't shag around if I tried.

Bugger.

Former Member

umm well before i got with my now ex boyfriend, i'd ended up getting involved with people who i now realise weren't worth my time. also part of it was my insecurity and lack of experience. i've never been properly hurt, but when i have i appreciate that whatever's happened to me has made me the person i am today. i've learnt from my experiences, too...and now know how to act in certain situations etc. but no it's never made it difficult for me to move on.

Former Member

yeah im now petrified that anyone i love will get pissed off with me and leave. I feel like I have to be perfect or people just wont be interested. I cant trust anyone 100% even when I want to.
bit of a bugger really.

Former Member

having said that, my ex finished with me when things were going great. it was totally out of the blue so i guess i might worry about that in the future, but who knows!

Former Member

Relationships I've had in the past greatly effect the my future ones/ones I have now. I've learnt that people aren't always what they claim to be and that people lie to get what they want. I've also learnt that some men are that sick and twisted they place with girl's emotions and feelings attacking them when they know one kick and she'll fall apart. I've become aware of the fact feelings you once felt may not seem the same once that persons gone, and that everything happens for a reason.

Also I'm happy that my past relationships ended. Because they've led me to greater things, and I'm worth a million times more than what they could EVER give me. So yeah taught me alot, and I know I'll never look back. Not when I've got what I want:) And thats my self respect, my friends, my future

Former Member

yeh past relationships do affect me, bascialyl cos I've been treated like crap really, used for money and lifts, not shown affection nothing, all been awful then to tip the iceberge I ended up in a room with a guy who wouldn't take no for an answer in may last year and it keeps reminding me

Former Member

rainbow brite wrote:

yeah im now petrified that anyone i love will get pissed off with me and leave. I feel like I have to be perfect or people just wont be interested. I cant trust anyone 100% even when I want to.
bit of a bugger really.

Yep, me too!

I used to think my relationships would never end, now I find it hard to believe my girlfriend will want to be with me past next month. It's really horrible. I would love to have a very long future with my girlfriend, but just can't trust anyone not to leave me when I least expect it!

Former Member

My man is very playful, always tickling and such like that, but nearly every single time he goes to joke around and if I see a hand in the air I get jumpy and ruin any fun because I'm so afraid of hitting. He doesn't know, just thinks I"m jumpy. I try to control myself then but its like an automatic reaction I know he would never ever. I've never heard anybody apologize as much as he did when I accidently bit my lip when he was tickling.
Other than that I've forgotten all about that past horrid relationship. Done and over and I do believe nothing has carried over. Its a clean slate.

However with him, alot of his past affects things. It quite bothers me. If I can let a past broken hearted years of hell failed engagement go and not affect what we have going now, why can't he. It seems like he doesn't even try.

Former Member

sugar_mouse wrote:

how has everyone on here been affected by bad experiences with members of the opposite sex in the past???

without going into detail... and in a nutshell... i'm still completly f*cked up, totally as a result of bad experiences in past relationships. i cannot really function in a heterosexual relationship tbh.

Former Member

i've thought about this a lot, mainly because my first "girlfriend" was very insecure, and a gemini to boot.......we were close for ages, but i dont think it qualifies as a proper relationship, too many issues.....took me ages to get her out of my head and out of my life, and after that i was very wary of women in general and ever since then i became too picky........then met a lovely girl who changed my view but that didnt last long because we both went back to uni after the summer.......i thought luck was just against me.......had to wait a while before i met the last girl, had to do a bit of chasing as well but she was worth it, didn't last long either though..........still waiting for a decent long term relationship in fact, i'd say i'm a lot less wary and picky than 4/5 years ago, but still takes something special to make me look twice.....

Former Member

Learnt that no matter how much you may want it, just because somebody tells you they love you, it doesn't mean they do. Also learnt that trusting anybody is how you get hurt.

Suppose ultimate thing I have learnt is that you are kidding yourself if you think your going to meet somebody else that will think past what they want.

Former Member

I split up with this toss three years ago, and now I'm a commitment-phobe.

:thumb:

Former Member

i find it hard to trust people now, always wonder if people are genuine... another thing i have in my head is the belief that any bf i ever have will leave me... and they'll ALWAYS cheat...

Former Member

If you live in the past you will never get anywhere...

Everyone is different and not trusting them because of past bad relationships
it is not giving a lot of chance to your new one...

Former Member

To continue loving, trusting and being loyal. But not blindly.

Former Member

rainbow brite wrote:

yeah im now petrified that anyone i love will get pissed off with me and leave. I feel like I have to be perfect or people just wont be interested. I cant trust anyone 100% even when I want to.
bit of a bugger really.

Wow someone going through almost the same as me lol!!! I never have love for relationships anymore, my latest one I said I love her but dont mean it at all. Call me whatever but I know she doesnt love me either lol, I dont think I will ever safely say them three words to a person I am with and mean it, sad but meh its you girls that made me feel like this *points* :P
I learnt alot from my first one, made me a lot stronger but it was hard and hurtful! Then the next few were always great at first then something happens. Same thing applies to my latest one, seems to be a pattern and i just cba playing games with feelings (something I dont do) or being dishonest.

I learn from them and try not to go wrong the next time round, but now I dont think im doing much wrong it must be just who I am? lol
I now find myself doing my own things and enjoying them a lot more rather than focusing on relationships, doing great for me

Former Member

i don't trust women

Former Member

Find out more about people before committing yourself.

Former Member

They haven't - the past is the past.

Move on, forget it - life is too short.

Done.

G.

Former Member

Always effect my next one. I still have pain from my last one, although i think its getting better with time. I always get left with the feeling that i cant be bothered with relationships after anymore. Currently seeing a new person, really not sure about them! Constantly changing my mind! I know i dont love them, way too early for all that! But, they have already told me that they think they love me a few times, which scares the hell out of me! But, for all i know it could be a lie anyway. I just dont trust people and i think it gets worse with each relationship!

Former Member

Hmm. Ive learned self respect

Former Member

I'm very untrusting now because of what both "friends" and past relationship experiences have been like and have resolved never to let anybody in again, but I haven't grown bitter about it...

I think it's important to take the good from your experiences and learn from the bad (thus I've learned nobody is worthy of trust).

Former Member

Ive realised that words are cheap and the mind is elastic.

Former Member

red_jelly wrote:

Yep, me too!

I used to think my relationships would never end, now I find it hard to believe my girlfriend will want to be with me past next month. It's really horrible. I would love to have a very long future with my girlfriend, but just can't trust anyone not to leave me when I least expect it!

I feel the same way. I've been dumped so many times completely out of the blue I found it hard to trust someone. i'm always looking for signs that i'm gonna get dumped so i can be prepared for it. always being prepared to be dumped is not a healthy way to be in a relationship.
i think the problem in my past has been me taking relationships much more seriously then the other half, because i want someone long term and don't want to worry about finding someone else in the future.

Former Member

Renzo wrote:

Find out more about people before committing yourself.

:yes:

I had a bad experience when I was 18 with a guy who I thought I knew really well, turns out I was completely wrong its beyond belief how wrong actually.

My past relationships have always ended badly and I've never been able to stay friends with any of them. All of this means I generally panic and leave a relationship before it looks like its getting serious, that way I wont get hurt when it goes wrong.

xx

Former Member

I had a terrible experience when I was fourteen, and now I find it hard to commit to a date let alone a relationship!

I feel very uncomfortable around a lot of men now, and some people who in the past, I have been fine with, now if I am alone with them (even if they are just good friends with me) just make my skin crawl - its terrible! I hate it soo much. Some of my male friends have even started commenting on how sometimes if they make just a random remark I just seem to freak out and just emotionally shut down, which makes me seem very cold and distant.

I went through a massive stage of pulling random blokes to boost my self esteem when I was younger, but even if I really liked them, afterwards I would just cry and feel so depressed.

I think a lot of it had to do with confidence. Now I have a great live, full of people who love me, I am finally sort of beginning to think (nice things) about the opposite sex again. Hurrah!

Former Member

i find it hard to beleive it if someone says they care about me because of past experiences. moving on though

Former Member

I've treated some of my bf's really badly and I've been treated badly also. Its taught me the consequences of infedelity from both points of view and I know I will never alow myself to treat someone or be treated that way ever again. They say that once a cheat always a cheat but not for me, looseing someone who i treasured will always remind me that no matter how crappy the relationship feels, doing what I did is never a good way of dealing with problems. I was very young and had my drink spiked with extra drink but thats no excuse. Also From past relationships I learnt that I will never agian settle for anything less than what I want. Why shouldnt I be happy? Why shouldnt I be treated well? Yes I've made mistakes in past relationships but that doesnt mean that in the next relationship I should be unhappy as a sort of 'punishment' for my past wrongs.

From being burnt myself it has made me untrusting of new relationships, especially with guys that have had many gfs before me. Theres a reason that they never last, and sometimes that reason is cos he cant keep his dick in his pants. I know people can change as change is all part of growing up, but that doesnt make it hurt any less.

Also, I never go so the same type of guy twice, reason being is that I dont want the same mistakes to be made. They may all have similar physical charictaristics but their personalities are always very different.

I'm with a new guy now, and taking things slow. I dont want to get burnt or end up to comfortable to soon. I really like him and i've made sure I got to know him before I said I'd be his gf. I've heard good things about him and I hope he treats me right, I know that I will. I've made my mistakes and I've learnt from them. Hoping that this one will stay good for longer.

Former Member

i thinks past relationships will help me to know what kind of relationship is worth cherishing and help me to go well with different people...