Should I believe him?

Former Member

I was dating this one guy for a long time.. we had it all. Love, friendship, and good sex life, we were planning our lives out together. We were together for about 5 months.

One morning, he calls, and says that he thinks we need some space. He led me on for almost a month that he didn't want to see me. He acted as if he wanted to see me the whole time. He says his life is overwhelming with everything, school, wrestling, all of it. He says he can't have his life perfect all the time. So the first thing he gets rid of is supposedly the love of his life? Then he says that it's not me, really, it's him. Then he says that he thinks the only reason we love eachother is because we had sex. That's not true, cuz we confessed our love a long time before we had sex. He then said, "I'm young, and I can see us doing things in the future, but for now, I just wanna hang out." There isn't even someone else!! And what does he expect me to say? That everything's fine? It isn't! I'm living a lie right now that it's all ok. I talk to him. I laugh with him. But I don't want to. I want to hate him, but I love him.

I would of given up everything for him. My life, my career, my family, my friends. All of it. And he gets rid of me cuz he thinks his life is too overwhelming.

What am I to do? Should I confront him about it? I don't want to loose him, but I want to let him know that everything's not ok. How can I tell him how I feel, and keep him at the same time?

Former Member

Meli wrote:

I would of given up everything for him. My life, my career, my family, my friends. All of it. And he gets rid of me cuz he thinks his life is too overwhelming.

Well that's a bad starting point right there. What do you want from the relationship? Think about it. Confront him on it. If he can't give you what you want, then consider it finished. Focus on other aspects of your life, the one's you claimed you'd give up for him. What's the point of being in a relationship, where the other person is the only thing you have, and you've neglected every other aspect of your life? You'd be completely dependent on him. He could do whatever he wanted, cheat on you, even God forbid, hit you, and you'd feel you could do nothing because 'you couldn't live without him.' Okay this is an extreme example, but a relationship where one person is completely dependent on the other isn't a relationship at all. So decide what you want, and if he can't give it to you (ask him), then get rid and start looking for someone who can. It might be hard to move on, but it'll be better in the long run.

I think he's stringing you along, to be honest. He's keeping you as a safe option until he finds someone he really wants to be with. Whilst he's doing this, he's preventing you from having a life of your own. I suspect that if you actually did get another boyfriend, he'd suddenly want you again.

Former Member

You sounds like you've got too serious too soon - you were together for 5 months, but you were already planning your future with him and would have "given up everything for him"? Keep perspective - you are both young, and he is probably overwhlemed at everything getting serious. Take him up on the offer of having some space, and if you genuinely do love each other, you will still stay together, just be a bit more independent.

Former Member

i agree with luce, far too serious too soon. i dont think 5 months is long enough to call it a serious relationship, thats hardly long-term. i think if you do stay together try to cool it down a bit and just enjoy each other for a little while, its far too soon to say for definite you'll be together forever in my opinion, so just take each day as it comes for a little while.

Former Member

Yep, much too much, much too soon. Trust me you don't even know each other properly after 5 months.

As for should you believe him.... what else is there to do? Don't put your life on hold for him though.

Former Member

Well, I dunno about the 5 months = not serious thing. I think it's highly possible for a 5 month relationship to be serious. Some people are together for years and don't know each other properly. It all depends on the relationship.

But yes, I also think that a good relationship is one that can work with all aspects of your life. It will be very hard, but if I were you, I'd stay friends with him. Maybe try move on. At least, make out that you are so he might think about what he's missing and all of a sudden he won't be 'overwhelmed' anymore...

Former Member

i think that thinking you know someone properly after 5 months is quite a young thing, at that stage in a relationship its still the honeymoon phase, you dont see all sides of a person when you first get together. i think it takes alot longer than that for you to know someone properly.

the fact that some people can be together for years and not know each other properly isnt the issue here.

Former Member

Thanks, all of your replies really help.

As for the 5 months thing, we had known eachother for a while before we got together.
We actually know eachother from every point of view. We talk about how we are, and what we like and dislike, our childhood, and our future. We're really close.

I've decided to stay friends with him, and try to get over him. It starts to work, but when I see him again, I fail, and fall back on him. I'm not dependent on him, but a lot of my life learned to revolve around his life, so if he was happy, I was happy.

That's just how I work.

He gets really jealous when he sees me with my guy friends. When he calls to say hi or something, I say, "Hold on, suchandsuch is on the other line still." And he seems paranoid and upset, almost disgusted. And it's funny, because a few days later after we broke up he called me and said, "You looked really nice yesterday." I think he's starting to miss me. I'm not sure, and I'm not expecting anything from him, but I do expect him to have a little bit of feelings left for me, because we went through a lot together, and for him, it's hard for him to let go that easily.

Thanks once again, you all really helped me straighten things out.