Dilemma - opinions please.

Former Member

Firstly, apologies if this is in the wrong forum area.

More than 3 years ago, I met a girl who was originally from South Wales but was studying in London.

We were in a relationship for 3 months or so and it all ended rather messily but we both eventually moved on.

About 7 months later, from 2 entirely unconnected people, I find out that she told them that I'd got her pregnant. She told one of them that she had an abortion and the other that she's miscarried the feotus after falling down some stairs in the halls of residence. Funnily enough, I remember her telling me she'd taken a tumble down some stairs but at the time all she told me she'd suffered was a twisted ankle.

I was livid when I found out. I don't think I could have stopped her from having the procedure but at the very least she could have told me.

Anyway as I said this was some time ago and of course now I'm with someone else..

But there is a niggling feeling in the back of my mind that wants to know the truth: did she abort my unborn child.

Is it wrong after all these years to want closure on the relationship by finding this out? She's definately out of my system and I've long since moved on but I cannot get rid of this desire.

I understand that if she indeed did have an abortion then it must have been stressful but she could have given me an inkling, even after we'd split.

By the way, please can we avoid turning this in to a discussion about the pros/cons of abortions - that's not the issue here, thanks.

Former Member

The baby was never born so I really think you should leave it alone, for both of your sakes.

Why do you want to know if she did have an abortion? You broke up, messily, it was unplanned and a mistake...can you really blame her if she did? It doesn't mean she hated you, or thought particularyly badly of you, or thought youd be a bad dad. Her opinions shouldn't really matter to you now anyway.

Try and just think of it as a baby that wasn't meant to be.

Raking it up now will probably cause her pain whatever did happen, as she never told you herself she probably didnt want you to know, and that can be not out of spite but to save you heartache. Also if you have a new gf it could cause arguments.

Having said that, if you decide you do need to know, you do have a right to ask, however she might not tell you the truth anyway.

Goodluck, i really feel for you, and to be honest i think its out of order these other people told you about it, it really wasnt there place.

Former Member

secondsophie wrote:

The baby was never born so I really think you should leave it alone, for both of your sakes.

Why do you want to know if she did have an abortion? You broke up, messily, it was unplanned and a mistake...can you really blame her if she did? It doesn't mean she hated you, or thought particularyly badly of you, or thought youd be a bad dad. Her opinions shouldn't really matter to you now anyway.

Try and just think of it as a baby that wasn't meant to be.

Raking it up now will probably cause her pain whatever did happen, as she never told you herself she probably didnt want you to know, and that can be not out of spite but to save you heartache. Also if you have a new gf it could cause arguments.

Having said that, if you decide you do need to know, you do have a right to ask, however she might not tell you the truth anyway.

Goodluck, i really feel for you, and to be honest i think its out of order these other people told you about it, it really wasnt there place.

Thanks for the reply

The thing is, I feel quite strongly about abortion (I'm anti- but she would not have known that) but that would not mean I'd ever give her hassle over it - I just want to know.

My current gf knows about this and is incredibly supportive. Her opinion is that given the amount of time which has passed, I should let it go - but I just can't.

And I don't really mind these people telling me about it - at least someone did I suppose.