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Need the answer to this mystery
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hello people, I am a new person on these boards, I have read these often, but now is the time I have had to register and seek your help with something which now driving me mad, and i am wondering if I have done the right thing too. For obvoius reasons i am not naming names here.
A woman moved in next door, and Met her last week after she forget keys and needed the spare set. I gave them her and carried on.
She came around on Sunday with the keys, and also invited me around for wine and a chat. I went, and we had a long chat. She told about her boyrfriend who she had finsihed with for good, how he abused her both pysically and mentally. She was so glad to get away from him. We talked about work and other things. one thing led to another. No intercourse but a lot of "messing about" for about 3 1/2 hours.
I saw her the next night after college finsihed and she was happy to see me. Only stayed a brief whileI asked her around to my place for the next night and we talked more and "messed around" She did intercate that she wanted to take things slow and see how they go. i agreed, as this had all come out of the blue to me. We had a good time together and were both very very happy. She agreed to go with me to the pictures and a bit to eat at the weekend. We left things really good and well.
Yesturday, i recived a text saying "I can't lead you astray anymore, you need to find someone as respectable as you, I date guys three or fours years older than you and just want to be friends, etc" I texted back saying " i wanted to talk as I was extreamly shocked about this"
The response was "It's me, not you, i am not into relationships right now, i want to be friends, will understand if you don;t want to be, do like you which is why i don't want to hurt you"
I rang her at this point, and we talked. I had said I could come around and talk like adults about this, as it appeared she was simply afraid of being hurt, she agreed for me to come around the next day. No objections whatsoever.
Tonight "I am still in love with my ex, Sorry he was my first. Find that someone that derserves you and is at the same stage in life. I know you like me but those feeling will go away. Hope we can be friends. I have made up my mind, and don't want to talk about it"
My texted response "I am gutted, I suppose if you want 2 b with someone who mistreates you, then what can I say? I wish i had the oppotunity to make it work, becuase you make me happy. who knows? Maybe fate will be kind to me with u in the future. I would like to stay friends with you, It would hurt me if I couldn't see you again."
What I got back was the one that turned all this, into something else. "I'm sorry but you may well make mistakes in the next 4-5 years as well i met *** in college so why not ask someone there. If you don;t ask you don;t get. Trust me. Thanks for being a good friend and being understanding."
I smell something rotten about all this. Suddenly the reasoning had changed again. This is what i sent
"Wait a minute! What human being doesn't make mistakes? That text sounds like you are afraid of me being like ***, (NAME) I would never do that. Ask anyone who knows me. I know this will look bad, but forgive me for thinking there is more to this than you texted. U have kept changing the reason why, b ut I think it boils down to you don;t want to be hurt. have all the space you want and i suggest you really think about all this. You know where to find me when you are ready to see me face to face. Hope u still talk to me after this text, and i do understand what you are going through."
I have heard since, it has only been a little while since i sent that text this evening. But The question is am I right, and what can i do about this, as I really care about her a great deal. She started all this off, and she does like me too. Have I handled this well, and what more can I do?
I am puzzled and need second opinions about this, as i have never been in this situation before. :banghead:
Many thanks
A woman moved in next door, and Met her last week after she forget keys and needed the spare set. I gave them her and carried on.
She came around on Sunday with the keys, and also invited me around for wine and a chat. I went, and we had a long chat. She told about her boyrfriend who she had finsihed with for good, how he abused her both pysically and mentally. She was so glad to get away from him. We talked about work and other things. one thing led to another. No intercourse but a lot of "messing about" for about 3 1/2 hours.
I saw her the next night after college finsihed and she was happy to see me. Only stayed a brief whileI asked her around to my place for the next night and we talked more and "messed around" She did intercate that she wanted to take things slow and see how they go. i agreed, as this had all come out of the blue to me. We had a good time together and were both very very happy. She agreed to go with me to the pictures and a bit to eat at the weekend. We left things really good and well.
Yesturday, i recived a text saying "I can't lead you astray anymore, you need to find someone as respectable as you, I date guys three or fours years older than you and just want to be friends, etc" I texted back saying " i wanted to talk as I was extreamly shocked about this"
The response was "It's me, not you, i am not into relationships right now, i want to be friends, will understand if you don;t want to be, do like you which is why i don't want to hurt you"
I rang her at this point, and we talked. I had said I could come around and talk like adults about this, as it appeared she was simply afraid of being hurt, she agreed for me to come around the next day. No objections whatsoever.
Tonight "I am still in love with my ex, Sorry he was my first. Find that someone that derserves you and is at the same stage in life. I know you like me but those feeling will go away. Hope we can be friends. I have made up my mind, and don't want to talk about it"
My texted response "I am gutted, I suppose if you want 2 b with someone who mistreates you, then what can I say? I wish i had the oppotunity to make it work, becuase you make me happy. who knows? Maybe fate will be kind to me with u in the future. I would like to stay friends with you, It would hurt me if I couldn't see you again."
What I got back was the one that turned all this, into something else. "I'm sorry but you may well make mistakes in the next 4-5 years as well i met *** in college so why not ask someone there. If you don;t ask you don;t get. Trust me. Thanks for being a good friend and being understanding."
I smell something rotten about all this. Suddenly the reasoning had changed again. This is what i sent
"Wait a minute! What human being doesn't make mistakes? That text sounds like you are afraid of me being like ***, (NAME) I would never do that. Ask anyone who knows me. I know this will look bad, but forgive me for thinking there is more to this than you texted. U have kept changing the reason why, b ut I think it boils down to you don;t want to be hurt. have all the space you want and i suggest you really think about all this. You know where to find me when you are ready to see me face to face. Hope u still talk to me after this text, and i do understand what you are going through."
I have heard since, it has only been a little while since i sent that text this evening. But The question is am I right, and what can i do about this, as I really care about her a great deal. She started all this off, and she does like me too. Have I handled this well, and what more can I do?
I am puzzled and need second opinions about this, as i have never been in this situation before. :banghead:
Many thanks
0
Comments
I think she has too much baggage to start something fun and fresh, and already after two occassions of fannying about she thinks it's something more meaningful.
It was only a kiss and a fumble, and then maybe a wee night out afterward, but I think she's going too deep.
Bah, I know what I'm trying to say but I'm being seriously inarticulate.
I think you need to give her time just now.
Talking to her and asking what she wants, whether she wants to just take things slow and enjoy the electricity between two people on first dates, and finding out random facts about each other.
It shouldn't be hot and cold. I don't think you've done anything wrong IMHO. But, she seems a bit indecisive and that's a pain sometimes.
I think you should go round and ask for a cup of sugar and have a chat. What's the worst that could happen? She could say no? You managed quite happily in life before she moved in next door. I'm certain if push came to shove, you could easily do it again.
Good luck.