Saying no!!

Former Member

I'll try and keep this short and sweet....

Basically, and I know this doesnt sound like a problem, but I have too many men!!

I've recently come to uni and met a couple of guys that have shown real interest in me. I broke up with my first love a few weeks before coming here and made the decision that I wasn't going to get involved with anyone for a few months to allow myself to settle into uni life and get over Rob.

Well, these guys are nice guys and I get on with them really well, but they don't make me feel anything close to how Rob made me feel, and I don't want to get into anything serious. But I have such trouble telling them no! I've pulled one of them and almost ended up sleeping with the other. I don't know if it's because I'm craving what I had with Rob and am trying to replace that closeness with whatever I can find, but it's really starting to worry me. They're starting to like me a little too much for it to remain casual; one asked me the other day if I saw a future for us, and I felt awful telling him that I just wanted to take things slow and get to know him better before I thought about that.....

I need them to understand I just want to be friends, but I don't want to hurt them, and I also need to stop getting involved with people until I can stop comparing them to Rob!!

Any advice?

Former Member

If you don't want to start a relationship with either of them, don't lead them on.

Just be honest with them so they know where you all stand.

Former Member

Lol dont worry about it! Ive been going through a similar pattern to you at the moment! For the same reasons. In the end i just told them i wasnt interested though, its only fair at the end of the day. You just have to try not to compare people though, everyone is so different. Its hard i know though! I think you will be okay once you start having crushes on people. Ive got a few, which i never thought i would a little while ago!

Former Member

I think you're just going to have to learn how to say no... And next time either of them suggests taking things further or being more than friends, just explain to them that you don't want that yet and that you want to get to know them better first. It's not too hard really, just be honest, I'm sure they'd much rather that than feel as though you've been leading them on.

Former Member

if your not interested in anything beyond friendship, not sex or anything, then it is a case of saying no to their advances and been very clear with them from the now on.

Former Member

It's unfair and cruel to lead people on, and pulling someone and nearly sleeping with someone is leading them on if its accompanied by flirting on a regular basis.
You really should set them straight, have you never got into someone just to realise it didnt mean much to them at all? If not just try and imagine it. Not nice.
Plus you already realise youre not over your ex, youre just gonna confuse and hurt yourself more.

Former Member

there's nowt wrong with wanting to get to know someone before you think about a future with them. it would be silly to do anything other than that! but you need to make sure they know where they stand..that you've not long been split up with your bf, you still have feelings for him and obviously don't need pressure at the minute and just want to see what happens.