Am I being dumb?

Former Member

I'm not big on drugs. Every so often I will have a few lines or do a pill or two for a laugh with friends but it's not something I do very often.

Anyway I'm going to this big club night with friends and my boyfriend on Saturday and he's basically getting some coke and pills but I'm feeling very apprehensive about it. It's really stupid but the two times he's done pills when I've been about he's had two very extreme emotional reactions. Both of which scared me.

The first time he got all glazed eyed and lovey dovey which is fair enough for pills and was telling me about how much he loved me and that he wanted to marry me and started crying. Which made me uncomfortable.

Then the second time he dumped me and was cruel and nasty. He was going to break up with me anyway but it made him just uneccessarily cruel.

I know I'm a hypocrite and I don't care whether me or my friends do it but when he's around I get ever so slightly edgy. And I'm scared to take anything around him for fear I say or do anything stupid. And he makes me nervous when he's not with it. Even the way he looks and stuff.

I know the sensible answer for this question but I cannot be bothered with that. Is there any way I can influence my own reaction to prevent any awkward moments or fights that I'm so paranoid now about initiating.

Former Member

StarCrossed wrote:

I'm not big on drugs. Every so often I will have a few lines or do a pill or two for a laugh with friends but it's not something I do very often.

Anyway I'm going to this big club night with friends and my boyfriend on Saturday and he's basically getting some coke and pills but I'm feeling very apprehensive about it. It's really stupid but the two times he's done pills when I've been about he's had two very extreme emotional reactions. Both of which scared me.

The first time he got all glazed eyed and lovey dovey which is fair enough for pills and was telling me about how much he loved me and that he wanted to marry me and started crying. Which made me uncomfortable.

Then the second time he dumped me and was cruel and nasty. He was going to break up with me anyway but it made him just uneccessarily cruel.

I know I'm a hypocrite and I don't care whether me or my friends do it but when he's around I get ever so slightly edgy. And I'm scared to take anything around him for fear I say or do anything stupid. And he makes me nervous when he's not with it. Even the way he looks and stuff.

I know the sensible answer for this question but I cannot be bothered with that. Is there any way I can influence my own reaction to prevent any awkward moments or fights that I'm so paranoid now about initiating.

That's not really hypocritical...if he's been nasty when he's high then you've got good reason to be concerned. As for being loved up...well that's just E for ye...if you're planning to get high with him then the atmosphere will probably be one of love as opposed to antagonism...if you're being odd with him then there could be problems. If you don't do coke/e with him then just be cool with it and make sure he enjoys it...don't act funny around him, that's when he could get pissed off and have a bad night...girlfriends acting strangely around guys who are high usually results in arguments and paranoia. I've seen it enough times.

So...my advice...sober, drunk or high...just be yourself and show a bit of affection and you'll have a good night .

Jaded

Your reaction to drugs depends so much on your state of mind when you take them. If you are nervous about the experience you may have with your boyfriend, then IMO the effects of the drugs are only going to make that worse.

And I have to disagree with something Spliffie said (sorry Spliffie!), I don't think it is fair to say 'don't act funny around him', because that implies its your fault. It isn't, your boyfriend's behaviour is his responsibility. Have you tried talking to him about how you feel?

Former Member

Would I be right in assuming the first time he was loved up he only took pills and the second time pills and cocaine?

If you are going to use MDMA as a couple I'm not sure a club is the best venue anyway, the more chilled out and relaxed surroundings of home might be better.

It is common for people not to like doing drugs with people after they have had a bad reaction. I've been with people who have flipped out and its not good. ("I'm dead")

And of course there is the wierd idea of discussing the situation with him.

Former Member

He knows I'm not particularly pleased about the situation however I cannot say anything without feeling like a total and utter hypocrite. Though we did have a good talk last night and he understands why I could be nervous.

He used to be really bad with pot, smoking about an eigth a day. But then he realised that this was stupid and stopped. Now he only takes drugs recreationally on special occasions.

However I'm feeling slightly more comfortable with the situation now because he didn't get any pills which is the one I was more worried about.

I think I shall judge the situation tomorrow when it actually comes around. I'm not particularly succeptable to peer pressure and he isn't the type to pressure me. He's not a bad boyfriend.

As for the 2nd time. No there was no coke, the seeds of discontent were already sown to allow that reaction. I was suffering from PTS because I was right in the centre of the 07/07 attacks and was finding it really hard to talk and get my feelings out. I'd spent three weeks just being really nasty, cruel and petty myself and I needed some time apart from him anyway. But I'm pretty sorted now and I'm feeling really positive. I think I'm just ever so slightly nervous about losing control with him or him losing control with me. We've only just got back together and maybe I'm associating the drugs with the break up as opposed to the actual effects.

Thanks for the great advice Jade and bongbudda. I'll let you know how it goes!