Ex dropping hints

Former Member

Ok some may remember me making a post about being worried about my ex and stuff.
Well he's been back on msn recently and we've been nattering away like we used to do before we went out. He also has said it was a mistake dumping me, and when i moan about how shitty my town can be he said he'd still live here. And i've always wanted to live on the coast (he does) so he's been hinting that it's nice there and stuff. I don't think he's actually expecting me to move or anything. But i really do think he'd want me back if we lived close. And I probably would too.

Any thoughts?

Former Member

I prob would have got back with my ex ex, if we lived closer. Its kinda sad that its only cos of the distance we couldnt try again

Former Member

Ballerina, I hate to say this, but aren't you a bit young to be, well, moving away with your boyfriend? I mean, it's all well and good having this guy in your life, that's fine. But is getting back with him the best idea? Think about it - write a list of pros and cons. Then throw away the list and follow your heart.

Former Member

stargalaxy wrote:

Ballerina, I hate to say this, but aren't you a bit young to be, well, moving away with your boyfriend? I mean, it's all well and good having this guy in your life, that's fine. But is getting back with him the best idea? Think about it - write a list of pros and cons. Then throw away the list and follow your heart.

i never said i was planning to move away to be with him or anything

Former Member

Ballerina wrote:

i never said i was planning to move away to be with him or anything

Oops! Slight misunderstanding. Sorry about that. Rest of my advice, I stand by though.

Former Member

Ok, I'm going to reiterate what I'm going to say on a lot of my posts - but always judge a person by their actions, not their words. So far, all your ex has done is say what he'd do, and dropped subtle hints. Has he actually put any of this into action? Relationships sometimes can work out a second time around, but I'd really be cautious about the person who comes crawling back saying how much of a mistake it was. Call it an old fashioned hunch.

Why did you guys split up?

Former Member

distance, which is why i wouldn't get back with him in the situation we are in now, still 200 miles apart
i havent seen him for over a year
i havent spoken to him on the phone since my birthday
i'm not going to go falling back into his arms like this am i? :yeees:
but how is he supposed to act on it?

Former Member

you won't believe me now, but there will be other guys who end up meaning more to you than he did. although if he does move to where you live and u want to give it a try then why not? i don't think he will though and you deserve someone much better who wouldn't dream of finishing with you anyway.

Former Member

Ballerina, with all due respect, has he actually said he wants to get back with you besides dropping hints or anything? Believe me, I know what the mind can be like, especially after what you've been through - the slightest inclination of what you want to hear, and it goes into overdrive. He said he made a mistake dumping you - it could just be that he wants to say sorry over how it ended. Guilt can do that to a person.

He has been out of sight for over a year, and you've spoken very few times by the sounds of it. Those aren't the actions of someone who is serious about rectifying things, despite the distance. A person would have to do a hell of a lot more work if they wanted to win back my affections if I felt the same way too. Saying living in a specific location would be nice etc, would not wash.

But that's just me, and you did ask for our opinions. I gave you mine. As hard as it can be, I'd think about taking serious steps about moving on from this - this is not the sort of thing you'd want to get your hopes up for, it may just end up breaking your heart over and over again.

Former Member

we did speak (internet) up untill may/june time when he went through an odd time with his parents splitting and that, i tried to contact but didn't hear anything so i figured he didn't want to know me anymore, then i heard from him at the start of september and he told me what happened

Former Member

we've been talking and he suggested coming up to visit one weekend and staying in a b&b. He said i'm all he'd been thinking about and he needed to see me. I like the idea of seeing him again, just to sit and chat and catch up with each other as friends. What do you think?

Former Member

There's no reason why you can't be friends and meet up and catch up as friends, I'd definitely do that as you two are obviously close. But as you've said, the distance is a problem so don't expect too much from it all.. On the other hand, if he does come and visit it shows he is prepared to make the effort so you never know what could happen.
See how it goes.. Maybe it'll be a good oppourtunity for you both to work out how you do feel and work out what you want to do. I hope it all works out.

Former Member

I'm not really expecting anything to become of it. But I think it's incredibly sweet that he's wanting to drive all the way back up here, is prepared to explain to my mum that he wants to see me, and find a b&b to stay in and pay, when he's not exactly rolling in money. He's wanting to move back closer to his work and live with a mate so he wants to wait till he's moved and got some money.

Former Member

Just tread carefully, and follow your gut instinct - it's normally right.

Former Member

I understand what you are going through having gone out with someone for 5 years and breaking up because we live in different countries. My advice is simple - by all means meet up with him if thats what you want but do not put your life on hold while you wait for things to happen. I made this mistake for like a year and my career really suffered because of it. But you never know what will happen - you might always regret not giving yourselves the chance to make things work second time around. Breaks like these always happen for a reason. You need to work out why it happened and will things be any different this time.