Gaining some confidence and looking on the positive side.

Former Member

How do i do it?
I always look for the bad in every situation, expect the worst and have little faith that things will ever be ok. I just can't help it, I draw more importance from the mistakes i make, the bad things people say or do to me, than the good things that i have or experience. I know that being able to say i do this should mean i can fix it but i dont know if i can, im 20 years old and can't remember when it began or if ive always been like this, and its really ruining my relationship with my boyfriend and my confidence.

He hasnt done anything wrong but i am totally paranoid that he will meet someone else, either fall in love or just have a one night stand, and that it will be my fault. I keep getting really really upset over little things, he's started a new job and made a new female friend, i havent met her but he has been honest with me and let me know she is a very attractive girl, though she has a boyfriend and he says he doesnt fancy her just appreciate her looks. Another thing is he has moved into a house with two of his best mates and they are quite ladish, talk about sex a lot and have a lot of fhm ect posters up and mags around the house, this weekend me and my boyfriend went out together to a club, they went out separately, when we got home drunk and asked about each others nights i learnt they had been to a strip club and between the two of them spent £80! on dances. Even though my bf hadnt done anything wrong i got really upset that his friends might lead him astray especially as they both have girlfriends yet didnt think twioce about doing such a thing. I do realise some people might not mind this but i am very uptight about strip clubs and live internet porn...i see it as looking for titalation elsewhere and an insult to me.

I dont feel confident with my body ive always been slim but in the last three months ive put on a stone, ive never thought myself very attractive...though at times i can still see that im far from really ugly or fat, i just cant help from get totally down about things like him leaving me more and more frequently.

Also hes a very patient person but my constant crying must be gettign to him and im scared of pushing him away, i just want to start to be more positive and a better person all round.

Help me please

Former Member

I know what you mean about your fella goin off. I felt like that, and I sometimes still do, I just thought if I keep nagging on at him I will drive him away (I have had fellas in the past and drove them away due to thinking they would go off) so I just thought, if he does go with another girl then its me he looses out on!. I aint a very confident person, I envy my mate, she is a size 20, and she has the confidence of the world! So confidence isint about how you look, its about how you feel you look, and how your feel about yourself. I have put loads of weight on in the past year (shame on me ) and sometimes I think yuk, but most of the times I'm happy about myself.

Have you thought about going to see a counceler (sp) have you talked to your fella about your feelings???