End of my tether!

Former Member

I am at the end of my tether. I've found out that my fella has been lying to me again. Before we even got together he had a gambling problem, was in alot of debt, like thousands... his family helped him out and he promised never to do it again. While we was together he gambled again.... about a thousand. He hidden it from me, but when he was short of money I sat him down and he said 'I've been gambling', so I didnt tell his family, and I said that if he ever gambled, then its over with us.

I seen his brother yesterday and he said that he was worried about my fella cos he seen his e-mails and they was from poker sites, Ladbrokes, William Hill ect. So today at work I looked on his e-mails (I no its shamefull of me, but I had to do it for my fella) and there was e-mails from gambling people.

But also e-mails from porn sites - hard porn. My heart sank. I had a look on one, and I just felt betrayed. I know I aint the best lookin, but I thought I can please him ect. I will admit I have put some wieght on, and it knocked my confidence.. wouldnt let him see me in the shower ect. But about a month ago I thought 'stuff it' and wasnt botherd if he'd seen me in the shower or wotever. But now I just feel a fool and worth nothing.

I just want to end it now, he's lied to me (about the gambling) the porn is the icing on the top. Im at the end of my tether, I really am :crying:

Former Member

confront him about it

Former Member

I will, and boy will he get an ear bashing :impissed:

Former Member

getting emails from porn sites isn't a sign of guilt, and the emails from gambling sites may have been from registrations he made before he agreed to stop.

Former Member

All the sites, porn and poker had his name like 'Hello aaron, thanks for joining....... here is your password and unername' ect

:crying:

Former Member

Personally I wouldn't want to be around a guy that lied to me like he has to you. And looking at porn too is taking the piss. You are worth more than that, it's not worth staying with a guy if he makes you feel like crap

hope it all works out for you x

Former Member

Thanks glamourgirl

He is so secertive. I think it will be over, I cant trust him anymore. I was driving back from work and thinking I dont know him anymore

Former Member

I think you'll need to confront him about the gambling issue. Does the rest of his family know or is it just his brother? Did his brother say he'd do anything or talk to him about it? It's not fair that you have to deal with this all on your own.

As for the porn issue, don't let it get you down. I've been dating a gorgeous guy, super body, good looking etc, I'll still look through porn sites etc if I need to get myself off. It's just fantasy, and has nothing to do with what you are or are not doing.

Former Member

go_away wrote:

I think you'll need to confront him about the gambling issue. Does the rest of his family know or is it just his brother? Did his brother say he'd do anything or talk to him about it? It's not fair that you have to deal with this all on your own.

As for the porn issue, don't let it get you down. I've been dating a gorgeous guy, super body, good looking etc, I'll still look through porn sites etc if I need to get myself off. It's just fantasy, and has nothing to do with what you are or are not doing.

His brother just knows. But I want to deal with it, he lied to me, he promied to me :impissed:

The thing with the porn is he aint normally into it.... intil lately.

But I dont care, Im gonna have it out with him on monday - when he gets back from a stag do :mad:

Former Member

It could just be that if he's gambling online, he might be using the net more and more as his form of escapism, hence the porn.

However your relationship works out, 08700 508880 is the number for Gamblers Anonymous if he's serious about getting help.

There's also GamCare which has counselling and services available for partners as well as the person affected with the debts etc.

Former Member

Thanks chick

Former Member

No problemo, just hope you get it sorted. Read somewhere that a woman found that some of her expensive items i.e. rings, necklaces that she thought had lost - had been sold on Ebay. It can really chew through a relationship, thoughts are with you.

Former Member

I feel different this morning, I dont know if I want to confront him Last night my mate came round, had some wine, slagging him off, and I was ready to ask him out it..... but woke up this mornin, sober, and I dunno if I want to tell him. I love him and if I did ask him about it, it would probabily be the end, he would be pissed of with me for lookin in his e-mails and I'm pissed off with him..... so it would just end up in a massive slanging match!

I dunno.

Former Member

Of course he'll get defensive etc, he may even deny he has a problem at all. But gambling addiction and debt etc can spiral seriously out of control, and as much as it may hurt, perhaps the relationship would be at stake - for his own sake?

Former Member

OK, to look at it another way, what do you propose to do if you don't confront him? Hope it just goes away?

Remember, he has promised you at least TWICE that he wouldn't do it again, but he has. You are not the one in the wrong. He probably will try to shift the blame onto you somehow, to try and ease his own guilt but don't let yourself be sidetracked by that.

I agree with Go Away.... forget about the porn, but the gambling is a serious problem.

Is there any chance of you getting his brother to back you up, since it was him that told you about it in the first place. It's not as if you just went snooping through his emails for no reason.

I'd think very carefully about the future of this relationship. Can you see yourself in 10, 20 years time with him still gambling and getting you into debt and you probably having to keep bailing him out? If I were you, and I were young and had no children, I'd run away from him just as fast as I could. JMO.

Former Member

His brother is gonna have a word with him next week. I've had a thought about it all and I aint botherd about the porn, just the gambling. He might not even be gambling tho..... it might be e-mails from ages ago, or he might of registerd and thought about and not actually gambling.