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Sex Discussion
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Sometimes the best way to get advice or solve a problem regarding sex is to talk to your partner. Well lets just say I might be putting off sex for a little while 
Im a very quiet and shy person, also my girlfriend being the only person iv slept with its a sensitive subject for me but now i finally spoke to her about it and i wish i hadnt.
I basically said that i think maybe we should be more adventerous, i can cum fine but cannot orgasm unless its through head, put more variation into sex rather than this routine we have blah blah blah and her "discussion" pretty much made me as a person (not a penis) feel very small.
She said ages ago she loves giving head but never gives it to me.
She said ages ago she would love to do sexual stuff outside but never has.
She is always on about how much she loves sex but dont seem to bothered about it.
Because shes my first partner and im her second i feel like im missing out, i dont feel the buzz anymore during sex. She said tonight that she dont see sex as an important thing at all, she dont like it when im horny and she aint and basically moaned at me for trying to communicate.
I love her to bits and i couldnt live without her but it seems i want more than her sex wise. Im young and i wanna have fun! Its ok for her she had sex before she met me but its still quite new for me even though iv been doing it for nearly a year now. Also when i read posts on here it seems like most people have great sex lives whereas mine just dont seem to be that exciting at all anymore.
Sorry for the long thread, im hoping this is the right forum. Iv tried talking to her but it didnt seem to work as i now feel utterly worthless so if anyone has anything to say id much appreciate it.
RudeBwoy
Edit: I always do anything she wants im bed and she orgasms everytime so i dont think im being very selfish.
Im a very quiet and shy person, also my girlfriend being the only person iv slept with its a sensitive subject for me but now i finally spoke to her about it and i wish i hadnt.
I basically said that i think maybe we should be more adventerous, i can cum fine but cannot orgasm unless its through head, put more variation into sex rather than this routine we have blah blah blah and her "discussion" pretty much made me as a person (not a penis) feel very small.
She said ages ago she loves giving head but never gives it to me.
She said ages ago she would love to do sexual stuff outside but never has.
She is always on about how much she loves sex but dont seem to bothered about it.
Because shes my first partner and im her second i feel like im missing out, i dont feel the buzz anymore during sex. She said tonight that she dont see sex as an important thing at all, she dont like it when im horny and she aint and basically moaned at me for trying to communicate.
I love her to bits and i couldnt live without her but it seems i want more than her sex wise. Im young and i wanna have fun! Its ok for her she had sex before she met me but its still quite new for me even though iv been doing it for nearly a year now. Also when i read posts on here it seems like most people have great sex lives whereas mine just dont seem to be that exciting at all anymore.
Sorry for the long thread, im hoping this is the right forum. Iv tried talking to her but it didnt seem to work as i now feel utterly worthless so if anyone has anything to say id much appreciate it.
RudeBwoy
Edit: I always do anything she wants im bed and she orgasms everytime so i dont think im being very selfish.
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Comments
If you were accusative or whingey about your sex life, then that will understandably make her defensive about her position.
Have you asked her what's wrong, have you made an effort to find out if she is tense, tired, stressed ill or depressed? The biggest sexual organ is the brain, and if one tiny part of that is out of sync then you simply won't want sex at all.
Life gets in the way of sex, illness and stres in particular. If your sex drives are not matched then you need to find out why they are not, and moaning that she doesn't suck you off enough is simply not the way to go about it.
Oh, and for the record, most people aren't bonking away like rabbits every five minutes, simply because life gets in the way. Quantity doesn't mean quality.
It seems like she says things she dont mean though, she said and i quote "i love giving head and it gets me mega horny" but the last time i got head was well over 6 months ago.
I have asked her if anything is wrong and if she wants more of anything but her response is like "im fine and happy with sex the way it is" but its the same thing everytime we do it. I enjoy sex now but i know that soon its gonna be a chore unless we do various things i.e. one time just do foreplay or just oral or even just sex.
Also she dont really make much effort during sex, she just lies there and takes it. I love the fact that i can please her well and she loves it but id like a little participation from her.
I know i sound selfish but when a girl says that the guy dont do enough to please her then everyone backs her up whereas if a guy mentions that his girl dont do enough people seem to turn against him.
You need to find out why she doesn't want to do things, and attacking her isn't the way to go about it. It may well be that she doesn't fancy you anymore, just as much as it might be that she's stressed, and that's what happens when you're young.
If your sex life is so bad, and she isn't being responsive, then you need to consider if you're with the right girl.
During the week i dont expect sex at all (which is hard) coz she works up london all day and the travelling takes it out or her too so when i get to see her about 7pm shes obviously tired. But at weekends she has no reason to be tired but still no participation. She is an extremely stress free person and worries about nothing at all.
When we do have sex its usually me initiating it. I experimented once and didnt try anything on with her to see what she did but that ended up with us not having sex for 3 weeks at which time i went back to my old ways and started it myself.
Iv had a good long think about the "she doesn't fancy you anymore" comment and it could be a possibility but i doubt it because were making some big plans recently and she wouldnt go along with the relationship if she didnt fancy me....i hope.
Well there's your answer then.
I think you underestimate how tiring a long commute is. I work long hours quite often because of my job, and if I've had a weekn of long hours all I want to do is collapse in front of the telly and scoff takeaway curry all weekend.
I also mentioned this, i know how tiring it can be so i leave her be during the week.
Shes also made plans all this weekend so i wont see her at all. I havent seen her this week coz im working silly hours but i booked a day off yesterday to be with her and she just laid down to sleep.
Good luck!
:rolleyes:
If someones not very highly sexed, or has lost their sexual appetite, Ive never known it to just come back all of a sudden , especially if she doesnt actually see that theres a problem.
I dont know about the hormonal imbalance though, thats for a doctor to decide if she thinks its enough of a problem to go to one.
I think that's fair enough, if sexual appetites are not matched then relationships don't work too well, it just came across as awfully callous.
If it's been a long-term thing, before the long hours, then perhaps your sexual appetites are not matched. But if she has become like this since she started working long hours, then I think it would be daft to chuck her.
I've worked all sorts of hours, and when I'm tired I don't want sex. It always happens when I'm tired or stressed, I could go weeks without sex, and when we miscarried it was more like months. But when I have a few days good rest my libido comes straight back.
It is a terrible feeling when you have a very high sex drive and your partner doesn't. You can be left feeling unwanted, unattractive etc. The chances are you're not any of the things it makes you feel, but nonetheless you feel pretty bad about things.
The key is to compromise, from what you've said you seem to be doing this by not pressureing her for sex during the week, understanding she is tired etc. It seems like she isn't compromising on her side.
Talk to her about it, explain how you feel and that the lack of sexual activity is getting you down. Say you can do your bit to understand she doesn't always want it and not press the issue. Tell her how much you love haivng sex with her, how much of a turn-on it is for her to initiate it, and talk about her, how she likes being turned on, things you could do to get her in the mood etc.
What Canon wrote may be a bit harsh, but it's not a stupid suggestion. If things don't improve and she just doens't want to compromise then I guess you will get very frustrated and start to resent her for it. It may cause other problem in the relationship, having arguments over nothing because you're feeling upset that you don't have as much sex as you like.
Splitting up because you are incompatible is a fair enough reason, and sex is very important in a relationship, so if you are incompatible with regards to sex, then splitting up is a possiblity. I hope you will be able to sort it out without splitting up, and I'm sure you will.
I remember in the first 5 months or so of our relationship i couldnt keep up with her coz she always wanted to be together and always wanted sex but now its totally the opposite! She dont seem to be that interested in me, her idea of a night in is to come round mine and fall asleep on my bed. I think maybe this should be in relationships soon... Another thing that worries me to a certain extent is that she dont get jealous at all or if i go clubbing with my mates in a rough part of town she dont worry about me whereas id like her to show at least a little concern you know!
I think canon has a fair point, he made a very forward post and i prefer it when people are up front about things. She dont take sex seriously and seems like she only does it when she can be bothered. She dont seem to show much interest in me anymore, maybe she dont fancy me....
Kermit, i do think that some of the cause is the long hours but its only been in the last few months that things are not going well and shes been working there nearly a year.
Red Jelly, iv tried compromising and talking to her but shes very closed about the topic and tries to stop it as soon as possible or just gets defensive.
Why not print off this thread and show it to her? It may make her realise how much physical intimacy means to you, but also how much you are willing to work with her on this. It may also prompt her to be honest about how she is feeling. If it is the case that she doesn't fancy you so much she needs to be honest about it.
Good luck
I would also add that this is often what happens when the "honeymoon" wears off. When you meet someone new you always want sex, but after six months or a year it stops being so important, and other parts of the relationship become more important. I used to have sex three times a night quite often when we first started dating, but now it isn't that. It doesn't mean I don't love or fancy the wife any less, just that other things become more important, and the love and sexual attraction is shown in different ways.
If she loves you and trusts you why would she be jealous? That's a strange thing to want your partner to be, tbh- it's a good thing she isn't jealous. If she knows you won't go and fuck some floozy, why does she need to be jealous?
You may find that your libido will calm down too, as you say, this girl is your first proper girlfriend and first sexual partner. Don't go and throw it all away, but if you find you have settled down and you still want far more sex than she does, then perhaps she isn't the partner for you. This is what being young is about- experimenting with sex, and with lovers.
Kermit i know its a strange thing for me to want her jealous but id like her to show the concern. Shes right to trust me because im absolutely against cheating, its sick but a couple of weeks ago i went clubbing with 4 girl mates who i havent seen for 2 years (we was all good friends in college), they happen to be attractive and one of them was my ex who just showed up unplanned and my gf showed no concern about it. She was totally cool with me going out with them!
Strangely enough i do hope my libido calms down coz i dont wanna feel like this forever. Everyone is always commenting on how great we are together and even my mum likes her a lot (whereas my mum hates every girl i mention lol).