Awful situation after break up :(

Former Member

Well, I posted on here a few weeks back, asking advice on whether or not to end it with my then GF. I decided in the end that i would end it, and i did do, about a week ago.

Since then everything has been awful. I dont regret doing it or anything, but the situation is that she still wants to be with me. She doesnt have anyone she can turn to to talk about it either, being as everyone is going to uni. This isnt so bad for me, as I am not suffering as a direct result of breaking up. But she is. And she has no one to turn to, so I have to be there for her. This is really causing me a lot of stress with hearing her crying and saying how hurt she is, and knowing that if I'm not there for her, then no one else with be, even though we should be breathing on our own, I feel like I talk to her even more and it's not doing me any good.

To add to that, the only friend that she has turned to has told her that my decision was wrong, and that she should get back with me. WTF kind of advice is that?? Now my ex is convinced that this is right and this is causing me even more stress. And where's her friend to talk to now? Not there, she just gives the worst advice ever, then doesn't bother to call my ex or anything, leaving me as the only person there for her, once again. I can't go on like this for much longer. If I just blank my ex, I think she will fall apart, not cause of the fact its me thats ignoring her, but more that im the only person she has to turn to. I honestly think that if I did this, she might even self harm or worse.

What can I say or do?? please someone help. has anyone gone though this before, also????

Former Member

thanks for the advice. I am trying to put distance between us, but she thinks its cause i just want to get rid of her and she cant see that i want to be friends, but not just straight away. However, I think she is getting to terms with it, and she is gradually understanding. She seems a little less upset already, but still pretty bad. I am hoping she will start to move on soon though, and then we might have a chance to be friends.

Former Member

I used to be like that. It's not fair on you if you've given your reasons for why you want to break up with her, if she really loved you or even like you she would not be dumping all this crap on your head.
She's still smarting obviously it takes more than a couple of weeks to get over a break up. I hate to say it but even though you're being lovely and stuff to her, offering her a shoulder to cry on it's not healthy. She's probably getting the wrong idea by your actions, thinking maybe he's changed his mind secretly.
I thought I made the wrong desicion coming away for so long after literally just days from when my bf broke up with me. And sure it was hard, I had nobody to talk to either. Sitting around in a flat in Bangkok with just my mum and dad, but recently it's just clicked and he's now giving me the idea he wants me back. Which now I realise I don't want. And it's good, because I feel much better about myself and lot more confident.

You're obviously sweet as hell so don't worry. Things will work out, don't fret and don't be there at every beck and call. She can make new friends, there are billions of people in this world.

Former Member

she may also think that if you see her this upset you may realise how much you care for her. like if it hurts you to see her upset you may get back with her to stop her from hurting.
i say this from experience, my boyfriend broke up with me and i was distraught. i had to see him everyday because of school and he saw how upset i was and ended up getting back with me. it wasnt until we finally broke up ina few months time that i found out he only got back with me so i wasnt hurting anymore.
in a way i was glad that'd he'd cared enough about me to want me not to be upset, but in the long run i was more hurt that the last few months we're a lie for him.

i think you need to distance your self from her, for her own good. maybe tell her you are going away for a few days? (if u dont have a situation where she might see you) and then that may give her a few days to stand on her own 2 feet?