what am I DOING?

Former Member

I don't know quite what's going on...

I've been with this girl over 3 years, but recently we had a talk about various things, nice and calm and all, but I am now completely lost.
Basically;

She said that she's afraid to tie me down, (not in that sense ) she's the only girl I've ever been with, (the only girl I've ever kissed, never mind anything else) and she said she doesnt want to keep me from going out in the world if that's what I wanted to do.

These suggestions have been playing on my mind ever since; what if she's not the right one? I mean, like I said, she's the only girl I've ever kissed... Now I just feel like I'm dragging her along while I try and make sense of what's going on & whether I want to end this or not.

I have no Idea what to do, or what I'm doing

any suggestions or guidance?

Former Member

what if you had been with 99 girls, settled for the 100th, and the 'right one' was the 101st?

in other words, the right one is the one that makes you happy. mr/ms right is a myth. if you are happy with this girl, it doesn't matter how many others you've been with. if you aren't, maybe it's time to move on.

Former Member

kaffrin wrote:

what if you had been with 99 girls, settled for the 100th, and the 'right one' was the 101st?

good point :chin:

it's just, I'm all confused, with all these thoughts & "what if's" I need to come to a decision pronto, I want to get this sorted hurting her feelings as little as possible

Former Member

kaffrin wrote:

what if you had been with 99 girls, settled for the 100th, and the 'right one' was the 101st?

in other words, the right one is the one that makes you happy. mr/ms right is a myth. if you are happy with this girl, it doesn't matter how many others you've been with. if you aren't, maybe it's time to move on.

:yes: My boyfriend of 4 years is my first/only proper boyfriend (there was a 'Fresher's Week mistake' I kissed, but that doesn't really count). I am completely aware of my lack of experience in the relationship department, but it makes no difference. My other half makes me happy now, I'm sure he will for a long while to come and as long as that's the case it really doesn't matter if he's the only guy I've done most things with.

As Kaffrin said, as long as in all other respects it's hunky dory, why should you want to 'go out in the world'?

Former Member

end of the day as has been said, if you are happy then stick with it.
but i would perhaps question your motives for wanting 'more experience'...

Former Member

kaffrin wrote:

in other words, the right one is the one that makes you happy. mr/ms right is a myth. if you are happy with this girl, it doesn't matter how many others you've been with. if you aren't, maybe it's time to move on.

Kaff is right :yes:

Former Member

I can imagine if you decided to go out meet new girls you'd realise the one you were with was the right one for you, you said you'd been with your girlfriend for over 3 years, so you and her must be doing something right.
Curiosity killed the relationship.

Former Member

Silverberg wrote:

Curiosity killed the relationship.

yeh... that's why I get the feeling I'm about to make a big mistake... but it's not too late to change it. At least I don't think it is

thanks for your advice all :thumb:

Former Member

that said,after all this, I don't know how this relationship can progress, with the ever present jealousies of the gf, along with more reason for her to doubt me with the current state of events... It doesn't bode well

Former Member

Replicant wrote:

that said,after all this, I don't know how this relationship can progress, with the ever present jealousies of the gf, along with more reason for her to doubt me with the current state of events... It doesn't bode well

What is she jealous of? Did you go out and do anything with other girls?

Former Member

Silverberg wrote:

What is she jealous of? Did you go out and do anything with other girls?

oh no, I didn't do anything, I just actually made some female freinds. Did nothing with anyone else that one should not do when involved in a relationship, I'm not that kind of guy :no:

she's always been worried about other girls, insecure I guess.

didn't help I suppose, that there were actually some girls in the group of freinds I made from my course (freinds that without whom I would have flunked from my degree).

they were nothing more than freinds, nor did I want them to be, but the time I was devouting to my degree (and therefor also spending with my coursemates) increased her insecurities tenfold unfortunately

if there is anything that could be taken in the wrong context, it will be seen in the worst possible light by her... and of course, constantly trying to explain these things just makes me look like I've got something to hide! (which I don't).

*grumbles*

edit: blimeh, sorry, that was a big of a long whinge!

Former Member

Well there's obviously nothing wrong with having female friends, so I don't really see any problem that wasn't there already. She seems to have issues with insecurity, and maybe trust. She needs to trust you or the relationship will be quite difficult, especially after you getting some female friends, which shouldn't be a problem in the first place.

Former Member

Silverberg wrote:

She needs to trust you or the relationship will be quite difficult, especially after you getting some female friends, which shouldn't be a problem in the first place.

yeh, therein lies the problem, she's always had male freinds, (which I don't have a problem with, 'cos I know she's faithful) but apparantly me having female freinds is "different". eurgh.

It's all just turning into a big mess...

even if we do stay together, I can forsee a lot of problems arising from the fact this situation arose in the first place. Like her making passing comments on some reason it happened, or insinuating that I'm off with other girls.

it's all so messy & I'm so lost, even more so becuase this is my first gf :eek2:

Former Member

you have to assess the relationship on its merits. simply it being your first relationship isn't a good enough reason to break up, but its not a good enough reason to stay either.

it sounds to me like you might already kinda know what you want to do, but you're scared to do it in case you're (a) making a mistake, and (b) going to be seen to be a bastard. i can't help you on the first one, but leaving a relationship that doesn't do it for you anymore isn't high on anyone's list of fun things to do, but it's usually for the best.

Former Member

kaffrin wrote:

it sounds to me like you might already kinda know what you want to do, but you're scared to do it in case you're (a) making a mistake, and (b) going to be seen to be a bastard.

spot on, I am scared

the fact it's my first relationship has nothing to do with the thoughts of breaking up, it's all the other stuff that's been going on that's making me feel this way.

also, if I stick with her, I get the feeling I'll be in the wrong to have doubted it all in the first place, so I'm at a loss as to what to think!