I ended it..

Former Member

I had been with my BF for just under 2 years. The first serious relationship I have had, we started seeing each other when I was 19 and I'm almost 21 now. He was the first person I slept with too.

But on occasions over the 2 yrs I had doubts about him being the 'only one' which I always silenced.

About 2 months ago it all came pouring out and he begged me to try to sort my head out and stay with him and for six weeks I have cried every single day trying to figure out what to do.

Last night I finally realised that my doubts will not go away. Over the past few weeks I have come to realise that there were other shortcomings in our relationship and they are a part of him, not things I can change.

So I finally told him and now I feel so lost. He begged for it to just be a break but it is already 2 weeks since I saw him in person.

Even though he has asked me over the past few weeks if I want to be with him and I have admitted, very tearfully that I have doubts and he says he even came close to finishing it because he couldn't deal with it, when I actually ended it he said that he jus couldn't believe it, he kept saying it over and over and over, but he knew there was a chance that I couldn't work it out.

I feel so bad for hurting him but he once said, if you don't want to be with me, please don't waste my time out of fear of being alone.

Now he has said he NEVER EVER wants to see me again. This is so hard because he has been my best friend for 2 yrs. I don't expect it to be easy but he always used to say that we would always be friends, even if we split as long as I hadn't cheated and now he says he can't ever even talk to me again. Is this the hurt and anger or does he mean it?

I really want to ring/text him to see if he is ok but I'm scared he won't answer and I'm worried it will make it harder for him. I don't know what to do. I am devastated that this is over, but I think that deep down the past 6 weeks has been me grieving what we have lost before it was over, because now, not always but sometimes I feel strangely calm about things.

I just feel so so guilty that I couldn't make it work, and about what he must be going through. I seem to just want to gravitate towards him, just want to talk to him but I don't know what to do.

He just didn't seem to see it coming even though I have not gone one day in the past 6 weeks where I haven't cried and he has been there to see most of that. I think he just buried his head in the sand and hoped it wouldn't happen.

Everyone says it will make me stronger, and him too. I know that to stay with him when I wasn't happy was just as cruel but I feel so bad.

But is it normal to feel so lost but calm? Should I talk to him or give him space? I just don't know what to do.

I would just really apppreciate some input on breaking up, especially people who have been the one to do it. I feel so bad that I ended it.

Former Member

leave him to it.

that sounds harsh, but i think it's the best way. think of it like a healing cut. it's going to hurt, either way, but if you just leave it alone to heal it'll do much better than you popping up every so often to rip off the scab.

tell him you're sorry, whatever you want, and that when he feels better, maybe in a few months, maybe in a few years, you'll be happy to hear from him, and then disappear.

i think the worst thing people can do to their recent exes is to keep in frequent touch and unknowingly string them along. you just break their heart a little more every day.

Former Member

What Kaffrin said is right! My ex and i made the mistake of meeting up and it made it a hell of a lot worse. Just stay away.

Former Member

Aye, just leave him to it. If you're going to say something to him, make sure he knows it's final.

Sadly, people do make promises in relationships that they don't always keep, such as saying they'll remain friends if they split. Plus, remaining friends just makes things more difficult.

Good luck.

Former Member

Yeah people often want to be friends or say they will be when they are in the relationship, but generally its not possible. Someone always ends up getting hurt again. I have a couple of my exs on msn, we talk from time to time, but they are from years ago!

Former Member

Thanks everyone. I guess I feel guilty for being so calm but I think I did my getting over it before it was over. I also feel really bad that last night, he put the phone down on me whilst he was sobbing and we haven't spoken since.

I want to give him space and everyone I ask says I shouldn't get in touch but I don't want him to think that it meant nothing and that now I've ended it I don't care any more.

My mum thinks I should perhaps text him in a few weeks explaining that I did it to give him space. I just don't want to hurt him more than I can help, so I just don't know whether to get in touch one last time.

Former Member

If you've been with someone for two years, they would be silly to think that it didn't mean anything. Of course it meant something, but things happen, people move on, life goes on.

Leave him be. Texting him in a few weeks will just make things worse - it may take him longer to get to grips with it (that wording sounds dodgy, sorry).

Former Member

Scary!!!

Ah reading your problem was REALLY REALLY Scary for me. It was like reading what happened to me and my girlfreind 1 year ago. we had been together 2 and a half years and she had the same doubts. I could not believe it. I also could not stand to stay friends with her as she was so specail to me. I needed to remember her the way she was and not what she was to become (IE . a complete slapper). I still thoink about her now but at the end of the day if she was not going to do it then, then she would just have done it later. If u split before cheating on him then you did the right thing. Just dont try to keep in contact with him

Former Member

wow thats the EXACT situation ive found myself in, having to break up with the first person ive had a proper relationship with, and i also feel calm. i think its normal, you feel carm because its been going through your head for so long before you ended it that you were kinda more prepared. my advice is to leave him to get over it and maybe you can be friends after. its nice to think you can always be friends with your ex, and its easy to think that it will happen during the relationship. but after the relationship its not easy to say youll be friends so youll just have to see how it goes, and how he feels.

Former Member

My ex texted me Happy Birthday the other night, which pissed me off!

Former Member

me and my ex split 1 month ago, we were together for 2yrs. im absolutly gutted, it was both r decision, but now hes coming round all the time and its like were back 2gether, so i asked him back and he said no cuz were getting on beta like this, but if im goin to get ova him i think i need space and im worried hes having his cake and eating it in my bed.

should i just c how it goes or get rid now

confussed?!?

Former Member

if you don't think you can get over him if you keep seeing him (rightly so!), then get rid. it might be hard now, but it'd be best in the long run i should think.

Former Member

but just having him there is all that matters at the moment, think ill c how things go and let you know.

i apologise now cuz i have a feeling i might ber back ere crying!

Former Member

Are you sleeping with him?
I think you may end up getting hurt, a lot. Be careful with your emotions. I know you want to see him but sometimes time apart does a lot of good.

Former Member

yer stay away, dont make mistake i did!

Former Member

yer i am still sleeping with him and i know that im guna get hurt bad!! and tbh i carnt cope with it, but ive wrote him a letter explaining i need some time for myself! hes ere right now, so think this will be the last time im guna c him, its so hard all of this but i think im doing the right thing! i just hope i can stop myself

thanx for the advice guys ill keep ya posted!

Former Member

Just a little update and thanks!!

Hey, as the original poster I just wanted to say thanks for all your replies and sorry I haven't been back sooner, until I got the admins email with the other web address I hadn't been able to access the site for 4 days or so!

Well, to update, my ex text me on Sat morning, saying was I ok etc, and that he would like to chat. I spoke to him that night, expecting him to say that he had had time to think, was doing ok etc but he instead started begging me to reconsider and try again. But the thing is, I took so long to end it because I had to be absolutely 100% sure, and I was. For me there is no going back.

So the phone call was very hard, heated and upsetting :crying: he said if I said goodbye then that I would never see him again, I said that it would be hard but not as hard as trying again and living a lie.

Whilst I never wavered over my decision I was very upset and worried about his mental state.

However, yesterday he sent me a text asking (very civilly) if I could drop off some of his stuff in a couple of weeks, so I am hoping he has calmed down and this means that he can perhaps bear to see me. I think I have realised that we probably can't be friends, but if we can be civil to each other it will make it much easier when our paths inevitably cross due to our mutual friends and both being at the same uni.

Thank you for all your advice and taking time to read my original post :thumb:

Isha x~x~x~x