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was i a fool?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
hi all just a quickie, i work with my ex and we are apart six weeks but i still lve him so much, he broke up with me becuse of problems in his past. he first said that he to be alone to sort these out (we were together for a year) and he didnt want to drag me down, that he loved me and we were great together and maybe six month or a year down the line we would be together again, when i rang him a week later and he wasnt replying to my mails or texts he got all annoyed with me and said that he feels that for the future we want different things and that if we got back together now he would eventually leave as he is very sad inside.i feel like he is my soul mate and feel like my life is just worthless, iv been in a lot of relationships (im 31) and they all failed i taught this was it for me and he felt the same way about me (so he said) now i have to see him in work and my heart is breaking, iv not mailed text or phone him for five weeks, Im starting to think he was on the rebound as he was out of a 8 year relationship for three months when we got together and we knew each other for two years before that. His ex is still around as they have property together that has to be sold off and i think she had somthing to do with it all, as she was very verbally abbusive when they were together and he was very emontional scared from it. i just feel like im still waiting from him to realise what he did and come back but i dont think there is any hope of that, but of all the men i have meet he swore he wouldnt do what he did and i just cant get over it. He is very nice to me in work all chatty etc, what do i do?
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But. . . As far as work you do have to "Be Strong". None can afford such a personal display of emotion in the work place. Easy spoken, but a demanding road to walk. I have experiencd such hardships at the workplace before. I would take pride in the fact that I was able to resist the reaction to the pain and display calm and reserve in the presence of the "significant other". Can girls be more proffessional than the boys? Let me know the answer in a few weeks. Teehehehe. Just joking. Love yourself and life! and men will love you!
Its so sad, we were so good together.Dont think i will every love someone like that again.
(oh the best bit is he is one of the senior managers where i work) can anyone beat that?
When does the hurt and sadness stop?
At the end of the day both parties have to be willing to make changes. I think it will get better with time, you will have your good and bad days. Thats what im finding anyway. Keep yourself occupied as much as possible to combat it. Im questioning about my ex too over his true feelings. You cant help but do it. However, you cant do this forever. If you dwell on it too much it will make it seem worse. The lonely feeling should go eventually people are telling me. You just have to start enjoying your own company first before you move on. Just think positively, how you will meet someone much better! You can find someone with better qualities! (Im looking for someone who realises money and materials are not the key to a relationship!). I think you often have to wade through a lot of shit to get to what you really want! You can PM me whenever you want! Am going through the same stuff as you. If you dont mind me asking were his past problems really serious? My ex had some pretty hardcore past problems.
feeling very positive today. Jointed the gym and loving it also doing some charity work and also looking for a weekend job, trying to meet new people and keep busy. About his problems
Yea i do believe there are bad enough, if i believe what he tells me that is. He was abused when he was a child,by a family memeber who denied this and his mother still doesnt know about it. His father died really young and he went a bit off the rails.His mother couldnt cope so he went of the Scothland for a year or two, He was in a relationship with someone for five years that broke up then he meet his ex and she messed him around a bit in the beginning, then they moved in together into an apartment.. she is a manic depressive person and had been medicated in the past because of it, she never worked or would go out with him.used to accuse him of getting up to all sorts, having affairs etc, being verbally abusive, (i think she ahd a fling with someone she worked with but cant prove this )suffered really bad with P>M>T, never cleaned, cook, washed the clothes, spent all the money in there account, had a drinking problem. Said she would never marry or have kids with him etc, she left him about six times in the past five years and he was very sad about this, but when we got together he said that there relationship was over a long time ago and its just the legal stuff to sort out.
I just find it hard that someone whom I loved so much and he me ( so I taught) could just wipe me out of his life without a second glance)
I try to take all his problems away and i couldnt.He is either a very good actor or a very unlucky person.
I would how he really feels when he sees me and he dosnt seem to blink an eye....
Jesus so similar to my ex! He was sexually abused by a family member too! He supposedly had some mad ex as well in Scotland! (Maybe its something about Scotland
It is so hard when someone appears to wipe you out of their life like that! Thats what it feels like to me too! Its harsh. He appeared to love me as much as i loved him as well. My ex supposedly had sorted his problems, but i think deep down he hasnt completely. Our relationship i feel hit the rocks when he came out of therapy. Just be glad that he hasnt come back to get something out of you. Thats what mine did, which only makes it worse!
Ive had thoughts about my ex being an actor...some of my friends were questioning over his past. One even told me to check his passport lol
What im finding really funny is that his friend who i disliked immediately when i met he has just chucked out of his life as he was getting him down. I knew he was bad news!
Maybe we should both find someone who has less problems who wont try and take advantage of our kindness. I find it hard not falling into the trap of being there for complicated people. All this is making me realise that people can only help themselves at the end of the day. I got so caught up in his issues that they brought me down.
Sounds like your doing good anyway, im starting to take up more of my old interests. Follow your dreams! Its the only way to beat these guys!
Just dont give him any attention, thats the mistake i did after the breakup. Im now avoiding him at all costs! It must be really hard working in the same place though!
im doing good today but tomorrow is another day and i didnt see him today so that helped. It is sooooooooooo hard working together!it was one of the reasons i was afraid to getting with him but he chased and begged and made all sort of promises to me blah blah bleeding blah.
I did give him a bit of attention the first week and he totally blanked me and god now as im sorry i did, if i had one wish now it would be for him to look at me with his big brown eyes and for me to see the regret in them and i would just turn away. and say! you mad the biggest mistake of you life sunshine :no: how sad and evil is that.
for someone with some many problems he is sure a very happy man when i see him so im doing the same, its all a big game really isnt?
how long where you with you ex and how long is it over?
We both walked away really. We had broken up so many times! We were together for about 1 year and a 1/2. We spent the later 6 months arguing over all sorts of stuff. Broke up about 3 months ago. When i look back now i think most of it was ridiculous, but we both felt insecure for various reasons. He didnt like two of my friends and i didnt like some of his. He was on the gay scene a few years back and that got me paranoid, especially when one of his now ex friends was sending him dodgy text messages. Hes ended up trying to put me down now, when there is nothing wrong with me at all really. My friends and family think hes mental! So do random people ive spoken to. I felt like i had to look after him a lot of the time. I put my whole heart and soul into it, seems such a waste.
Speaking of fortune tellers...i spoke to a friend of mine whos into that kind of stuff and she said the same to me really. That the same will hapen again and that i should find someone with better values! She went out with a guy who was just into materials and has since found someone better. So i guess there is a bit of hope out there.
He didnt hit me...i mean he came back telling me he missed me and trying to be my friend, but thats practically impossible. Im 20 and hes 24.
Im not interested in money and stuff either. Im the same as you, id live in a cardboard box too. I told him that once, but obviously hes into more superficial stuff than me! He told me all he was looking for was love, the same as me. Doesnt seem like it.
They are idiots! And we deserve better! Gave them far too much! It does just seem like a game. I cant believe he came back to hug me so much and then just walk away again. All for a bit of attention. I was always there for him and now i wish i hadnt been. I just want someone who doesnt want to play games, its just such a waste of time and energy!
I dont think he will ever come back to me......its a gut feeling......:-(
Yeah i wanted to be his friend, but so soon is impossible!
Your right, it should be good again if we have that much love. I just think im going to be overly cautious from now on! I hope i can laugh about it in the future.
Just thrown out the last thing i had that he bought me! Was sick of wearing shoes from him. Good luck! Am going out tonight too! Hopefully will be fun! Have a good weekend too.
the thing about the gay scene as you no my ex had the same problems and he never went near the gay scene but your ex is very young compared to mine and its natural for a man to think about these things i dont think its any harm,
Im going to try and think postive about my ex and our relationship as i dont want it to tarnish my next relationsip with someone, if i can look back and be glad we were together and take some good from it i can carry that to another relationship and i no when we were good we were good and If someone else can do that for me thats great, and i can learn from my experience with my ex.
Still keeping a diary! you should try it, it does help.
I think im getting too old for this dating game...
will try again next weekend will try somewhere different this time, not a kindergarden night club
I think im starting to feel a bit better. I feel in the last few days my attitude has changed. A guy i met the other day told me how confident i looked when he first saw me. Really surprised me! It made me feel really good and like im making some progress. What i lost is beginning to come back i think. I dont feel such a loss and I think I look happier. Im just focusing on my friends, possible work opportunities and uni. Hopefully i will meet some decent people there.
I just dont really know what i want at the moment. I enjoy random meetings with people, but get tired of those after a while. I guess when i find someone i really like again i will snap them up, but take my time. I have a tendancy to rush into things.
Your right. If you continue to look at the situation badly then it will just make everything seem much worse and possibly effect future relationships.
I used to write a diary, guess it could be good. Are fun to look back at anyway! Will go out as well next Saturday. Tonight im recovering from last night
I think i Just need to learn to flirt again and just be chatted up as im not that interesed in getting into another relationship right now, maybe never....
I think that as time passes and you realise that they are not coming back you do feel better as your not hanging on to the hope that they will.... you dont have a choice but to move on and i do believe that you can chose to be happy or sad and i making the choice to be happy. is it very strange though, when i look at my ex i feel nothing, i think he hurt me too much, yet when i see him car coming in i get butterflies.. really strange that...
When we dont look we will find a nice man hopefully... Not that many singel ones here in Ireland...
When it comes down to it, you only need your friends. My oldest friends have been great and less close ones have surprised me about how much they care. At least its made me realise that i know some great people who are worth so much more than one guy. They are so positive towards me and about me that it almost makes up for all the negative crap my ex directed towards me. He just made me feel shit about myself, which is the opposite of what a relationship should do!
There is no point in dragging ourselves down with sadness. Better to be happy, will be more likely to attract nice people that way
So far, ive met a couple of creeps and had a bit of random fun with some okayish people. There is someone i fancy, but im not going to rush one bit! I think im quite happy having time to myself at the moment.
Time definately heals. I hardly think of him anymore. If i do, its so negative that its not worth spending time on. The way im feeling now, I dont mind if i dont see him again. He just created problems in my life.
Good luck with your flirting
My friends say to me, just leave it up to fate...
well just reporting on the issue of being professional in the work place, have to admit its been a bit strained, but i think we are getting there, the only think that pissed me off is the fact that he picks and choses when he wants to speak to me, like today he was all chat, just about work etc but when i looked him in the face he didnt even flinch and i could see there was no love there for me anymore. how can a man just turn off emontions like that?
still no other contact othere than work related, i think he might be going back to his ex, whom was very verbal and sometimes physically abused to him......
Iv done all i can, he seems to be arond the office a lot more now, Iv kept up the being polite bit, also going away for a holiday and telling people that im not bother and iv moved on with my life, should i have done this? will this push him away futher? any advice would be great