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After 10 years, its over... Any advice?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I am absolutely devastated and would be grateful to hear advice, comments or thoughts from anyone on this discussion board.
History: my wife and I have been married for just over 9 years. We've got two children - aged 3 and 4. We both work fulltime, and we both lead very busy lives.
About 3 months ago, out of the blue, my wife said she was leaving and wanted a divorce. We talked things through and things got better (or so it seemed). To help things, we planned several nice things over the coming months for us to look forward too.
We also started going to relate (relationship counselling) about 1 month ago (it took 2 months to organise from when she first said she wanted things to end). The first few sessions went well, but in between 2nd and 3rd, she decided that she didn't want the relationship any more and wanted a divorce as quickly as possible.
So in the space of just over 1 week, I've gone from thinking that the marriage was okay - well not 100% perfect, but pretty good with both of us working on improving it - to probably having a solicitors/lawyers letter in the next week or so saying the divorce is in progress.
My whole life is in tatters. I'm scared, angry and a whole load of other emotions. She hasn't given any specific reasons why she wants to divorce. The only thing shes said is that she doesn't want to be married to me any longer and if we were to carry on, she'd end up hating me bitterly. She said she doesn't see it as a loving relationship anymore - and has also said that there is no-one else involved which I am inclined to believe her.
As we've got two beautiful girls as children, I don't know what to tell them. Just seeing and whats going to happen to their lives brings tears to my eyes. Even though my wife (for as long as I can say that word) is breaking my heart, we've said that we will be amicable towards each other for the children's sake.
I'm not religious, but the "until death do us part" was something I stuck to when we exchanged vows. I cannot understand how after the best part of 10 years together how someone I love so much, admire so much and thought they were my soul-mate is doing this to me.... I really don't know what to do, think or say.
I keep trying to talk to her and I want to say so much, but very little comes out. It usually starts "why..." and I think shes getting fed up with me asking, but I think after the best part of 10 years I've got a right to answers.
Shes made plans to move out - has somewhere to move into in about 3 weeks time. The children will stay with me living in the 'family home'....
Can anyone offer advice for what I should do now, and/or what to do going forward? I am a realist and am aware that if shes got to this point, its not just a whim on her part, but I would do anything to make this work
For the females out there, should I just give her time to think things through - or can they suggest something else?
For the males out there, have you been in this situation?
Any comments greatfully received and my mind is all over the place at the moment.
History: my wife and I have been married for just over 9 years. We've got two children - aged 3 and 4. We both work fulltime, and we both lead very busy lives.
About 3 months ago, out of the blue, my wife said she was leaving and wanted a divorce. We talked things through and things got better (or so it seemed). To help things, we planned several nice things over the coming months for us to look forward too.
We also started going to relate (relationship counselling) about 1 month ago (it took 2 months to organise from when she first said she wanted things to end). The first few sessions went well, but in between 2nd and 3rd, she decided that she didn't want the relationship any more and wanted a divorce as quickly as possible.
So in the space of just over 1 week, I've gone from thinking that the marriage was okay - well not 100% perfect, but pretty good with both of us working on improving it - to probably having a solicitors/lawyers letter in the next week or so saying the divorce is in progress.
My whole life is in tatters. I'm scared, angry and a whole load of other emotions. She hasn't given any specific reasons why she wants to divorce. The only thing shes said is that she doesn't want to be married to me any longer and if we were to carry on, she'd end up hating me bitterly. She said she doesn't see it as a loving relationship anymore - and has also said that there is no-one else involved which I am inclined to believe her.
As we've got two beautiful girls as children, I don't know what to tell them. Just seeing and whats going to happen to their lives brings tears to my eyes. Even though my wife (for as long as I can say that word) is breaking my heart, we've said that we will be amicable towards each other for the children's sake.
I'm not religious, but the "until death do us part" was something I stuck to when we exchanged vows. I cannot understand how after the best part of 10 years together how someone I love so much, admire so much and thought they were my soul-mate is doing this to me.... I really don't know what to do, think or say.
I keep trying to talk to her and I want to say so much, but very little comes out. It usually starts "why..." and I think shes getting fed up with me asking, but I think after the best part of 10 years I've got a right to answers.
Shes made plans to move out - has somewhere to move into in about 3 weeks time. The children will stay with me living in the 'family home'....
Can anyone offer advice for what I should do now, and/or what to do going forward? I am a realist and am aware that if shes got to this point, its not just a whim on her part, but I would do anything to make this work
For the females out there, should I just give her time to think things through - or can they suggest something else?
For the males out there, have you been in this situation?
Any comments greatfully received and my mind is all over the place at the moment.
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