How to let a friend down gently?

BillieTheBot

Some of you may know who I'm talking about. Don't go mentioning it, like.

One of my best mates moved a long way away recently. He's got a new flat and a new girlfriend, and he's organised a house-warming party which we've been invited to.

He's not the most organised person, and he only mentioned it on Sunday. I'd really like to go, and said so, but I really am too tired this weekend. I've got a lot on at work this week, I'll be shattered, and I can't be sitting on a train for eight hours in a weekend in order to go. Especially as its only a small flat, I wouldn't be able to sleep much, and I have an important trial on next week.

He seems so excited about it. He wants to show off what he's got, and he wants to show it off to me and GWST more than most.

I really don't know how to let him down gently. Any ideas?

Former Member

just tell him straight that you've got a load of work on, etc etc...
but that you'd like to go down and see him and his new flat some other weekend.

Former Member

Otter makes sense.

The amount of work you do, especially when you're in trial all week are perfectly justifiable and valid excuses.

I know who you mean, and how it's difficult to tell him, but just be honest about the amount of work you have on (and the commuting). Nicely, of course

Former Member

Agree with the telling it straight thing. As a best mate he will be disappointed for sure. However, he should also be understanding of your work committments and the need for some decent rest with what you have coming up.

Soften the blow by offering to visit at a weekend more convenient to GWST and yourself (only if you really intend to of course) - one where it's just you guys and no need for a good night's sleep. Then he can show off even more. Perfick.

Former Member

tell him that you really want to see the flat and would like to spend time with him, but youd rather come and spend time when its not a party, otherwise you wont get much of a chance to talk, plus with work commitments etc and distance.
Then arrange a time a few weeks away.
Always give bad news sandwiched between something positive.

Former Member

Be truthful, and like RB said, set a firm date when you and your good lady can go down and see it properly.

Former Member

Thanks for the help.

I felt about two inches high telling him, but its done. We haven't given a fixed date because it depends on my good lady's rota, but we're going to organise something.

It's typical that to cap it all, he chose the weekend when the main line is shut too:(

Former Member

Well, that settles it then doesn't it. There's clearly no way you could have feasably got down there. But make a point of ringing him as soon as to set a date, let him know he's important to you.