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relationship problems

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi everyone
Lastnight I went out for a couple of drinks with my boyfriend and his mate. My boyfriend then saw his old school mate which was a girl. He was talking to her which I didnt mind.
But then I went to the toilet and then went back to the table and as I was approaching my bf and this girl mate of his he said 'sshh be quite she's coming''.
So then I approached both of them and said you were just talking about me wasnt you?
The girl said yes and told me what my bf said and my bf said it was all true which was that I never let him out and that I've got my ups and downs.

Do you think it was right to tell her this because I dont. This is why, its our problem he shouldnt be talking to someone else about it when he doesnt even talk to me about it.
I mean every time I pop to the toilet or go to get a drink is he going to be slagging me off to another girl?

What should i say to him? He wouldnt like it if I was telling his down sides to another boy.He said that he didnt do nothing wrong by telling her stuff about me.....

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ..

    This girl then wanted us to go out with her and get drunk....The thing that makes it even worse was that I know they've done stuff together before. My boyfriend told me as she was getting a drink at the bar so he didnt really make me feel very comfortable around her..
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    omg...is he really worth it? you must ask yourself that.

    Remember you should be the number 1 in a relationship. If he really likes you then why is he slagging you off to some girl?

    There are plenty of other men out there that can treat you a lot better. im sure you deserve more than that!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't think he was right to tell this girl about problems in your relationship. If he is worth the hassle you need to sort out your problems. If you don't let him go out that is going to be a major problem, I've had friends with boyfriends and they've made them stay in or question when they go out and the relationships have never lasted Also you need to know if he can deal with your ups and downs because if he can't your with the wrong person. If he's telling an old school friend about your problems then he's obviously in need of some help.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't mean to just butt in and say your r/ship is weak, but he obviously is unable to talk to you which is a bad sign! communication and trust are essential, if you cant trust him to talk to you then maybe you should get out!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How was the girl acting when she told you this, was she like all smug like ''your boyfriend told me something about you ner ner''?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    it doesnt sound to me like he's mature enough to be in a relationship, if he cant discuss these problems with you, like an adult. i wouldn't have been happy+i think you need to have serious words with him about who he tells your private information to!
    Also, he must have no tact and consideration telling you, with her there, that he's done stuff with her!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If he had such a problem with an aspect of the relationship & he loved you enough, he would've sat you down & talked about what he's having problems with. Thats' what a relationship is about getting through ups & downs by talking to each other!

    It was none of this 'girl mates' business & i dont blame you for being so mad! If my boyfriend had told his girl mates about a problem he had with me I'd be rather angry too!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well sometimes I ask myself.. what the f*** am I doing with this guy. I mean he doesnt let me out! He's like o if you got out I'm going out... He walks down the street like he's f***** it. AND THE WORSE THING IS IS THAT HE EYES UP OTHER GIRLS (and I see him do it) THEN TURNS AROUND AND SAY AM PARANOID AND THAT I NEED TO GO AND SEE A DOCTOR TO SORT MY HEAD OUT. I mean apart from that he did take me to Ibiza and I didnt even spend a single penny of my money. But its not money I want its love and respect. Everytime i bring myself to have sex with him something pops into mymind about his personality and puts me off.
    But I cant bring myself to finishing with him, we are meant to be moving in together soon. If things get real shit and he doesnt respect my feelings then Im going to hav to pluck up the courage.
    I aint takin no shit no more.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    omg, what are you doing?

    Get out now! there are way nicer men out there.

    it sounds like you way better alone to be honest!

    Remember what J-lo said - my love don't cost a thing!!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ...
    Dinted wrote:
    omg, what are you doing?

    Get out now! there are way nicer men out there.

    it sounds like you way better alone to be honest!

    Remember what J-lo said - my love don't cost a thing!!

    Trust me I will...maybe not now, but I will and when I do he is soo gonna regret it!! haha
    I'm such a hipacrit, I'm slagging him off now. (shame on me)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hehe, go u!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Run, run away! Sounds like he needs a dry slap.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Haha, you won't leave him.

    If you were serious about it, you would have done so before even posting this thread because NO guy you go with into a long term thing should ever slag you off and be so tactless even to some daft bint.

    You say you will leave but not yet, you're asking for all you get.

    Just my honest opinion.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    1983 wrote:
    Haha, you won't leave him.

    If you were serious about it, you would have done so before even posting this thread because NO guy you go with into a long term thing should ever slag you off and be so tactless even to some daft bint.

    You say you will leave but not yet, you're asking for all you get.

    Just my honest opinion.

    Yeah i suppose, what are you waiting for?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That's pretty harsh. We've all been in relationship that are hard to leave, even knowing that it's the right thing.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    k@tie wrote:
    That's pretty harsh. We've all been in relationship that are hard to leave, even knowing that it's the right thing.

    Yes, even you, and myself. I've learnt the HARD, hard, hard, HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARD way. It's not harsh, just the reality of it all and hopefully the motivation she'll use to move on.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    1983 wrote:
    Yes, even you, and myself. I've learnt the HARD, hard, hard, HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARD way. It's not harsh, just the reality of it all and hopefully the motivation she'll use to move on.

    agrees :yes:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Dinted wrote:

    Remember you should be the number 1 in a relationship


    sorry but why should she? a relationship should be equal, not about 1 person being better than the other.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sorry but why should she? a relationship should be equal, not about 1 person being better than the other.
    What i mean is that if her boyfriend has a problem with their relationship he should be discussing it with her and not some girl from school. She should be the one to know.

    i dont mean that 1 person is or should be better than the other :s
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Maybe you are right. Its not as easy as anyone thinks to finish with someone that you've been with for a long time. I told him how I felt yesterday and he said that he' sorry. I said to him ''if you wanna slag me off slag me off to my face not some girl that you havent seen in ages''
    I said I'm not taking this shit no more, do it again and i'm leaving you.

    He says he's going to listen but whether this is true or not is another thing. He does it again and I'm going to leave him or play him at his own game.
    Sorry I know that sounds harsh but at the end of the day he is gonna know what I'm going through. If he doesnt like it then f*** him. >because thats obviously how he feels about me.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why do you think he was slagging you off at all?

    We've had problems, and we have both talked to our friends about it. It's important to get it off your chest. To be quite honest, you sound like the sort of paranoid woman who would stop him going out with his friends, and would stop him talking to his friends. And would bite his head off and cry and moan if he ever tried to broach the subject.

    Am I the only one to fail to spot what all the fuss is about?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No you aren't, Kermit.

    In my opinion, and judging by the fact that this girl has done stuff with him before, there is a chance that she was shit-stirring to try to put your relationship on the rocks in an attempt to get him back. Which seemingly she has acheived.

    People need to talk to other people about their relationship. Just look at other threads on this forum, the way you speak to your mates about their partners, or even the exact thing you have just done on this thread. Double standards if ever there were any. Sorry if i'm being harsh.
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