My boyfriend's dad.

Former Member

Me and my boyfriend have been going out for almost 4 months now, and this summer since ive been home from college we've been spending a lot of time together. My mom makes me be in at night by 12:30 on weekdays so.. my boyfriend will get off work around 8pm, and come get me and take me to his house where he'll shower and get ready to go out. Today he calls me from work and goes "you know what my dad told me today? he said hes tired of you always being at our house, and you cant come over here tonight" I dont know what ive done to make my boyfriends dad feel this way, and, frankly its made me quite upset . I try to be nice to his family, Ive helped his mom move desks from the bottom floor of the house, to upstairs, and ive helped with my boyfriends sister's wedding.
I really like his family a lot and I thought that they liked me too, but obviously they arent so fond of me.
I dont even stay at his house that long, like some nights i'll stay there and we'll watch a movie or something, but most nights im there just long enough for my boyfriend to shower and change, and then we go out with our friends.
Also, it really upsets me, because im leaving next week to go back to college, and my boyfriend is staying and going to college in town so we wont be able to see each other nearly as often and i would like to be able to spend some time with him before that, but i dont want to go over to his house if im not welcome there.
I dont know what to do about this because i really care about my boyfriend, and i really like spending time with him, but I dont know if i can be with him if his family doesnt like me. It really hurt my feelings when he told me that, mostly because i dont think ive done anything to make them not like me. Sorry if this is just mindless babble, ive got myself in quite a tizzy over this..thanks for reading it

Former Member

They may not dislike you. There's always the possibility that your boyfriend had an argument with his parents, and that his Dad said something like that as a result of this.

How old are you? If you're fairly young, maybe his Dad isn't comfortable with the idea of you spending so much time together alone in the house?

Just because his Dad allegedly said that doesn't mean he dislikes you. There could be plenty of reasons why he said what he did.

Former Member

Scarlet wrote:

They may not dislike you. There's always the possibility that your boyfriend had an argument with his parents, and that his Dad said something like that as a result of this.

How old are you? If you're fairly young, maybe his Dad isn't comfortable with the idea of you spending so much time together alone in the house?

Just because his Dad allegedly said that doesn't mean he dislikes you. There could be plenty of reasons why he said what he did.

Im 19 and my boyfriend is 21

Former Member

can't you guys spend some time together at your house? It does get wearing constantly having people round your house....my mum gets pissed if I have my mates round constantly not because she dislikes them, just because sometimes you want to be at home without having guests.

Former Member

i had this problem with my bf's mum, i didnt think she liked me at one point, but then i thought, why should that stop me being with him if i love him.

At the end of the day, who are you in a relationship with, your bf, or his dad? So why does it matter what they think? I know ideally you would like them to like you(not saying they dont like you, because the probably do), but if you love your bf, why should it break you up, if you two are happy, why does it matter what anyone else thinks?

Former Member

el_dude wrote:

can't you guys spend some time together at your house? It does get wearing constantly having people round your house....my mum gets pissed if I have my mates round constantly not because she dislikes them, just because sometimes you want to be at home without having guests.

We spend time at my house the same ammount of time if not even more, than we do at his house. Im not always over there, usually for not more than 20 minutes a day while he goes and takes a shower.. I just wish his dad would have said something to me about it, rather than tell him about it.

Former Member

well im so tired that i thought the title of this was "my boyfriends nads"

i dont actually have any advice, sorry.

Former Member

Blah wrote:

well im so tired that i thought the title of this was "my boyfriends nads"

i dont actually have any advice, sorry.

Lol.. yes i have a huge problem with my boyfriends nads

thank you for the insight

Former Member

NothingGoldCanStay wrote:

I just wish his dad would have said something to me about it, rather than tell him about it.

Just to pick up on this, I'd take it extremely badly if someone in my house spoke directly to my guest about a problem instead of me. My hospitality is sacrosanct, if my house-mates, or parents have a problem with people that come over, then I make it clear that the problem is only ever with me.

Former Member

Some parents do this. Don't ask me why, they just do.

I used to spend a lot of time at the wife's parent's house before she moved out, and her mum started getting really arsey about it. Don't actually know why, and I thought it was incredibly ungrateful, but it blew over. Mostly because GWST told her mum where she could ram it.

It'll blow over in your case too. Especially if your bf does the same.

Former Member

Yeah im not surprised that makes you feel a bit shitty.
All my boyfriends mothers have hated me.Ex's mum even decided to tell me i wasn't the type of girl that she wanted her son involved with and that i should take my uppity snobby dreams away from her son or she would have something else to say...with her fists.Which y'know is always nice.I reckon they just felt threatened..
Anyway...I would try not to look too much into this comment made by your blokeys dad.My ex basically lived with me all the time when we were going out.As i was still living at home for part of that time my mum and dad would sometimes rage at me a bit about how he was always over and it would be nice to just spend some time to themselves without him being there as a spare part.They didnt hate my boyfriend or anything [well not till later] just wanted to spend time without him being there.
It can be quite hurtful,but realistically if your over there all the time you probably will be infringing a little on there lifes.Cut your hours back a bit at camp el boyfriendio.Go to yours or go out and do stuff.
Cheer up kiddo

Former Member

not surprised it made you feel bad, but as someone else said, it can be quite annoying to have guests round all the time. Its probably nothing personal, and its one of the reasons people usually move out by your age.

Former Member

I can really relate to this as my brother's girlfriend is always at my house and i have told him i dont want her there but its not because i dont like her, it is just a matter of space, if i come home from work and just want to chill out, it just frustrates me if she is in my way as if my family is in the way i'll be like move! ha ha but if its a guest you have to be nice!! like if i wanna watch telly i have to be polite and watch what they are watching or if i want to make a cup of tea and she is in the kitchen, just in the way!! i wouldnt take it personally, some people like me are just territorial in their homes! Does your boyfriend have any sisters as maybe his dad isnt use to girls being around the house.........

Former Member

My Mum and Dad have never come outright and said the same, but I know sometimes my Mum would quite like to have a long bath and chill out in front of the TV in her PJs from 9pm, but she feels she can't when my boyfriend comes round cos he'll be there til about midnight and then he'll always see her to say goodbye (she'd only complain if he didn't).. so like someone else said, it's probably nothing personal, but some people just don't feel able to relax in their own homes when they have guests.

On a side note, my parents (especially my Dad) won't go to bed while my boyfriend is still in the house. Often my Dad is kinda rude about hinting that he wants to go to bed and wants my boyfriend to leave - again, that's just the kind of person my Dad is and nothing to do with my boyfriend personally.

Former Member

my mum doesn't like my boyfriend coming over loads, its not that she doesnt like him, I know for a fact she really likes him and jokingly says hes the type of lad she would want as a son in law hehe.
Anyway, its probably that they like their own space, my boyfriends mum is like that i bit with me and his friends. she has to know when they are coming round, and not that often. She's a very traditional family person, but anyway its the sleeping over shes not too pleased about, other than that shes ok.

Former Member

I can understand where your boyfriends dad is coming from. My mum has spoke to me about my boyfriend being around all the time. It's not that she doesn't like him its mre the fact of a invasion of her space. My mum, dad and brothers feel they can't act like normal when we have a guest, they don't want to argue in fornt of him, fart, or slob out in their pjs because he is there a lot. I was upset at first but I now understand where they are coming from. From what they have said they probably do like you, its just overwhelming when someone new enters the family home and are there for a lot of the time.