Massively insecure - relationship suffering.

Former Member

I'm having a really rough time emotionally at the moment, with supposed depression and a lot of grief. Recently, the only thing that has made me happy is spending time with my doting boyfriend of 8 months. However, I suffer from body dismorphia and really bad self-esteem, and I'm finding it hard to be with him, I feel so massively insecure.
Even though hes always been completely loving and understanding, I can't help feeling that he could do, and wants better. We used to be quite social, but now I can't bear going places like city centres, or the beach, or clubbing, because I feel like another girl, whos more beautiful/confident/fun than me, is going to attract him. Hes absolutely stunning, and always attracts other girls in my school, who, not being the nicest girls out there, often try to get him to break up with me, or spread rumours about me being unfaithful. He tells me I'm the only girl he wants, but I can't understand why he'd even look twice at me, I feel so disgusting. I do get a lot of attention from boys, but I still feel like such a skank.
I'm feeling particularly insecure today, because a new girl, whos the same age as me, has moved into his foster home, and her and her friends haven't left him alone all week. He said last night that he didn't want to leave his room because they'd follow him. But today, he texts me saying hes sunbathing by the pool with them and they're having a water fight. So I kind of started a fight with him, saying he should 'fuck off and play with them, then' and now I'm in tears. I just have this hugely jealous feeling that he thinks they're better/sexier/more fun-loving than me. Is it wrong of me to feel so down about this?
Does anybody have any words of wisdom? Because it seems I'm pushing away the most important person in my life right now.

Former Member

ok, i know this will be really hard for you to believe, bcos i myself have suffered from low self-esteem in the past (and still do slightly), but the only reason he is with you is bcos he wants to be! If he didnt want to be with you, then he'd leave you, wouldn't he??

It isn't in human nature to stay with a person they aren't attracted to, due to the primal urge to pass on their genes to the best possible mate!

Obviously he sees you as a lovely girl, and maybe he's just laughing and having a joke with these girls bcos;
a) he has to live with them, so doesnt want things to be awkward
b) He enjoys making new friends
c) he's doing it to try and show you there's nothing to be worried about.

i know it's hard to realise, but if you say you get alot of attention from guys, you mustn't be a skank. From my own personal experience, guys only talk to the prettiest girls, so you mustn't look like the back end of a horse or anything!

In the future, instead of focusing on the bad points you see in yourself, focus on your good points. Think "hey, my hair looks nice today" or "this top realy suits me"

Most importantly, talk to your b.f. Explain to him that when u snap at him like this, you dont mean it, it's just bcos you're insecure - but ask him to help you to overcome it!
Good luck, PM me if u need to chat!

Former Member

if a guy is going to leave you for someone else, they will, and there's nothing you can do to stop them.

using the same principle, if someone is with you, it's because they want to be. being clingy and needy and 'i don't understand why you love me' won't make them love you more. it's just annoying, and will probably end up with them getting sick of you. possibly harsh, but true.

i don't know how to stop being insecure, but i do know one thing. you have to stop telling him about it. next time you feel jealousy or insecurity rising in your throat, ignore it. fight it. don't take it out on him. if you keep saying 'but that chick there is SOOOO much hotter than me' he might, at some point, start to believe you. and then you're in a pickle.

Former Member

kaffrins right - when i said to you talk to him about your insecurity, i meant tell him that you're worried about him leaving you, but you know it wont happen, so then he has an idea how you feel!

If you ignore your insecurity and focus on your positive sides, then hopefully you'll start to feel better soon.

Former Member

At the end of the day, your the only one he wants, he will always find other girls pretty like girls always see lads who they think are good looking, but that doesnt mean he is about to go running off with them, he's with you but that also doesnt stop him being friends with other girls, ive been with my bf 3 and a half years, but some of my best friends are lads and i really don't fancy them.

Why don't you try and be friends with these girls as well, then you can all hang out together with nothing to worry about.

Former Member

Thankyou everyone! I also posted this on nexopia, but they were all pretty harsh to me on there.
I do talk to him about it - and he's pretty understanding.. I feel so so lucky to have such a perfect bf. Thats the thing that worries me - its this total fear of losing the one I love the most, and all because my insecurities and jealousy might be pushing him away. It's like this whole thing will go round and round in circles until he can't take anymore.