Why dont i feel like it??

Former Member

me+my b.f used to be "at it like rabbits", but over the last 6months or so, we haven't. Im at uni+he works full time, so we're both quite stressed, but then again its always been like this.
I have a feeling the problem is in my mind, as he still wants to do stuff, but for some reason i end up thinking "i cant really be arsed" I know i shouldnt have this attitude to sex/sexual stuff, as i love it+my guy v.much!
Has anybody else had this problem? I think it could be to do with a lack of privacy, as we dont have our own place+so are either at his parent's or mine!
Thank you :thumb:

Former Member

After the honeymoon period, life tends to get in the way of sex. If you're both at work all day every day, and you're tense and tired, then it's quite hard to feel sexy. I know when I get in from work all I want to do is open a beer and watch the telly.

After the honeymoon period you do have to work at sex more, because you won't want it all the time. Not always being gagging for it is perfectly normal, really.

Former Member

but to be honest, i think our honeymoon period ended a while b4 this started. Its frustrating how ive gone so cold. Thing is tho, the few times ive thought to myself "shut up and get on with it" ive really really enjoyed it, its just getting myself in that frame of mind!

Former Member

It's hard to get in the frame of mind if you always do the same thing, and never make the effort to do something slightly different. Go out for a meal, go to the pub, have a good night together, and it becomes a lot easier to find the spark in the bedroom.

Working creates a routine, and if that routine doesn't include sex every night then you need to force yourself to break the routine. Go out, or pounce on him, or have sex in the morning before work. Sex in a long relationship does take more effort- and some nights one simply cannot be arsed- but it is worth it.

Former Member

well im gonna try your suggestions. We're actually goin out 4 a meal 2nite+we're going the pub more recently.
I just feel so bad feeling like this, as i want to satisfy him!

Former Member

If you're not feeling up for it a lot, you need to sit down with your partner and talk about it too. Force yourself to break the routine you've found yourself in, but at the same time don't bottle up your worries about it all.

It's not unusual in long relationships to have a sex drought- after GWST miscarried we didn't do it for months because I didn't want to- but it is important to talk about it and reassure your partner.

Former Member

we have talked about it+we know we need to change this rut we're stuck in, but we aren't sure how! obviously apart from the things you've suggested, as we're gonna give them a shot! *Sigh*

Former Member

Just thought I'd add my 2p; me and my boyfriend are still going through a bit of a rough patch when it comes to sex - and I came to the conclusion that my lack of sex drive was due to more underlying problems. This probably isn't the case with you, but after over a year of fighting over petty things and a lack of trust/fear of male friends etc I decided I didn't find this new Colin attractive anymore. We used to have sex routinely 2 nights a week, same nights and everything! Whatever you do, don't tell him it's boring outright like I did.. :no:

I hope you and your boyfriend sort things out :thumb:

Former Member

thanx scytherchick! Ive explained things to him. In a way i think it is due to underlying problems - his work, my uni, lack of money and no privacy etc!

Former Member

I'm having the same problem! My bf is always up for it and i sometimes would rather just watch Tv its nothing personal to him its just sometimes i too cannot be bothered.

Former Member

I know you're not living together, but..

My bf and I are usually 100 miles apart during the week (and some weekends). When we do see each other when he's home for weekends (usually just for the evening, then we sleep at our own houses), I spend ages getting ready - we've been together about 14 months, but I still really like to make the effort for him. I didn't realise how much it mattered until we went away for four nights together this summer. When we were in each other's pockets 24/7 I didn't make the same kind of effort and therefore really didn't feel like doing anything in the evening - we only had sex once and that was on the first night we got there, after that it was all just cuddles (not that's I'm complaining - it was awesome just to spend time with him! - it just seemed a bit odd. Like, not living upto expectations).

Just a thought, but maybe making the same effort you did when you first got together might help you get in the mood more? We're all guilty of, perhaps, "letting standards slip" when we get comfortable

Former Member

I tend to have sex around twice a week, a lot of people i've spoken to says this isn't a lot. The quality is amazing, so i guess i feel satisfied for longer and we have been together 3 and a half years. Is everyone else just bull shitting or are we are we virtually abstinent?

Former Member

I think most people are bullshitting. When I was with my ex, we had sex max once a week (time restraints), but it was definately worth it and very satisfying

Personally, I think your choice of 'infrequent but explosive' is far better than 'frequent and boring'