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I don't know...

Life is certainly better for me than it was one year ago. I'm now working, I've been in a relationship, (and may end up back in one soon the way things are) and I'm generally happier. Yet at the moment, I feel that I'm even lonelier than ever. I just don't get it. I mean, I'm finally getting out of the house, I'm meeting people... but I still feel lonely. Does anyone understand that?

:banghead:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well sorta...maybe there's a vacuum in your "soul" yes you're getting some needs satisfied but not all and this might leave you feeling empty and lonely still...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    turlough wrote:
    well sorta...maybe there's a vacuum in your "soul" yes you're getting some needs satisfied but not all and this might leave you feeling empty and lonely still...
    Well, when I go to work, all I meet is work colleagues. None of whom I can safely define as friends. And then there's Lisa, who isn't a friend, more of a lover. At the moment, that's pretty much it. :(
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    have you tried opening up to your work colleagues...tried to find a middle ground as they say...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    turlough wrote:
    have you tried opening up to your work colleagues...tried to find a middle ground as they say...
    Half of them are supervisors. There's one who I've got a rather soft spot for. The other half, well, I just don't feel I can talk to any of them.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Do you have any like, old school friends or something?Or generally just people you know (and like,preferrably) that you could maybe contact? It wouldn't do you any harm to try and go out and socialise more, or meet new people. Maybe that is what you are after, some new friends?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you may feel like that now, but it does take awhile to get to know people well enough to call them friends and you haven't exactly been there long, are you still thinking of uni?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Do you have any like, old school friends or something?Or generally just people you know (and like,preferrably) that you could maybe contact? It wouldn't do you any harm to try and go out and socialise more, or meet new people. Maybe that is what you are after, some new friends?
    I only know one old school friend now, all the others have either moved away or I've lost contact with them. I'm moving away soon from North Wales, so new friends, yes. But they won't be here.
    you may feel like that now, but it does take awhile to get to know people well enough to call them friends and you haven't exactly been there long, are you still thinking of uni?
    University's a stickler on my mind. I'm struggling to decide what subject to do. Just WHY do there have to be so so many different choices? And then there's the money... :banghead:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know exactly how it feels. Even when your surrounded by a crowd of friends you can feel alone. Its a hard feeling to deal with, but i reckon you can snap yourself out of it eventually.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Fairy wrote:
    I know exactly how it feels. Even when your surrounded by a crowd of friends you can feel alone. Its a hard feeling to deal with, but i reckon you can snap yourself out of it eventually.
    But that's the thing - they aren't friends, not in any sense of the word. Let's just say I'm not going back there next season - the way things are, I may have moved away before the end of this one. (season ends in late October, by the way)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Things pick up long before you start to feel it.

    Loneliness is more of a state of mind than anything else, really. And learning to like your own company is the hardest lesson of all.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kermit wrote:
    Loneliness is more of a state of mind than anything else, really. And learning to like your own company is the hardest lesson of all.
    Food for thought.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm also in a vastly better state of life than I was last year as well:)

    I've got a full-time job which I enjoy & all the people in my deparment I know & get along with great. I'm also in a long term relationship with the love of my life.

    BUT like you i'm still not totally happy & I can't think as to a reason why:confused:

    One of my great burning passions in life is cars & i've now held my full lisence for just over a year now but i'm yet to own a car due to 'the right one' not popping up for sale locally:( Having my own car may just extract the happiness from my life.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Crispy wrote:
    Having my own car may just extract the happiness from my life.

    POssessions rarely do, tbh.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    In all honesty I get the opposite. When my life's fuller and I have had a job, lots of friends, going out a lot and i'm in a LTR I find I feel like i'm really missing something.When i'm single I feel a lot less restrained.
    Don't remind me. My relationships situation is a nightmare at the moment. :banghead:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    First sign of a problem, just say "wowowowowowwwwwWOW! i'm outa here" then only if things improve consider going back to this girl, whatever the reason. Let her know you don't need her or her bullshit in your life.
    What? This girl's been through a huge amount in her life. Her fiance was killed in an accident. She's had a string of very bad boyfriends. She's got a son to look after. Her trust in men is at virtually zero. The situation is difficult enough and that wasn't helpful at all. I love her, I'm not gonna speak to her in that way!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    We've all been through a lot in our lives, that's no excuse for her to bullshit you and for you to give her more respect than she may deserve. She's had a string of bad boyfriends, they all probably told her how much they wanted to be with her bla bla, show her you won't take her shit and she'll love you for it, in an emotional way. This bullshit she is giving you is really a test to see if she can trust you, the more insecure she is about trust the more shit she will give you, testing you. I'll tell you it straight, from what you've told me this girl is gonna be a pain in the ass with these tests even if she knows you love her.
    You may be interested to know that she's actually reading everything on this thread right now with great interest. I would publish what she says, but I don't think TheSite moderators will appreciate me clogging up the boards with that much abuse and swearing. Needless to say, I completely agree with Lisa on this.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah well I didn't say she'd like what I said or you would, but I speak truth.
    You've gone strangely quiet now, haven't you? The fact is me and Lisa are getting stronger, it's not been easy, I doubt it was easy for her to trust a man again after being raped by her previous boyfriend. I wonder what "truth" you've got to say on that.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Man, I don't care it's not my business, but like I said, she'll test you constantly with her bullshit. I told you twice now, I won't say it again.
    What bullshit are you talking about anyway?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    To be honest, I think you're too analytical. You're not allowing yourself to be happy because you're constantly deconstructing things. That's not always a bad thing, but in your case (and forgive me, I've probably missed a lot of what you've posted) it seems to prevent you from being happy with what seem to be marked improvements in every area of your life.

    Some people are solitary creatures, or at least a large part of their character enjoys solitude. I think maybe this is you, and you're trying too hard to push for the 'all-out sociable' attitude. I might be wrong, but as Kermit says, the best thing you'll ever learn is how to enjoy your own company. I once read an article about the different types of loneliness, that of our basic human makeup (where that "loneliness is the human condition" stuff comes from) and the loneliness that is a result of anxiety or fear of not being social, integrated etc. I think maybe at one point you suffered through both types, and now the only loneliness or emptiness you feel is natural...the same way that we all feel sometimes. It's a rare person who will always feel fulfilled and completely happy, all throughout their life, and maybe you just need to accept that rather than pondering it all the time. I know this sounds a bit harshly-worded, I don't mean it in a mean-spirited way at all, I just want you to know how normal the way you feel is, and that I think sometimes you think these feelings and experiences are unique to you. So many people are in the same boat :)

    As for this argument about your girlfriend/lover reading these posts, you're laying her past open to public debate and it's inevitable that people are going to say things you and/or she won't like. It's not pleasant, but it's probably why most people don't detail these things on here, some people will flame/argue/bitch about anything sadly.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    briggi wrote:
    To be honest, I think you're too analytical. You're not allowing yourself to be happy because you're constantly deconstructing things. That's not always a bad thing, but in your case it seems to prevent you from being happy with what seem to be marked improvements in every area of your life.
    I've always been an analytical sort. I'm always being told "stop thinking so much, start doing so much more". I'm trying, but this is a mindset so deeply ingrained by now that it's a struggle. What I've tried to do is think back to the very darkest days, when I had no friends whatsoever. I suppose things are better now.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    While I do agree that thinking back and reflecting on these changes you've made would give you immense cause to be proud of yourself, and also show you how much has changed...I also think you need to try (as much as you can) to stop thinking about the past, and focus on the future. I know, easier said than done, and it won't happen overnight of course.

    There are people who think a hell of a lot more than others, and I know they're often being told to "think less, do more" as you said. But thinking things through and over is no bad thing as long as it's being done with the attitude of "look how far I've come", "look where I'm going to next". Your past will always be there to remind you of what you've changed so far, but your future is where the further advances are going to be...focus your energy (and brainpower) there, as much as you can :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've made decisions on the future. Already, I'm looking at ways to move away from North Wales. I fancy going to a nice town or city to live and work... I'm just trying to bring it about. University is also an option I haven't ruled out, though if I leave Wales, it's apparently going to cost me a hell of a lot more! Oh well...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    We've all been through a lot in our lives, that's no excuse for her to bullshit you and for you to give her more respect than she may deserve. She's had a string of bad boyfriends, they all probabaly told her how much they wanted to be with her bla bla, show her you won't take her shit and she'll love you for it, in an emotional way. This bullshit she is giving you is really a test to see if she can trust you, the more insecure she is about trust the more shit she will give you, testing you. I'll tell you it straight, from what you've told me this girl is gonna be a pain in the ass with these tests even if she knows you love her.
    That's bollocks. If someone told me that, I'd slap them round the face, not love them for it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That's bollocks. If someone told me that, I'd slap them round the face, not love them for it.
    That was pretty much the same thing as Lisa said on reading his comment. I think that his attitude towards women is very disrespectful.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    stargalaxy wrote:
    That was pretty much the same thing as Lisa said on reading his comment. I think that his attitude towards women is very disrespectful.
    It's extremely disrespectful. If I ever meet him, he's getting a kick in the bollocks.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Star, this "problem" has moved from your gf to you. Where is the real problem? Are you just unhappy about everything?
    No, we're pretty happy at the moment now that some issues have been sorted.
    It's extremely disrespectful. If I ever meet him, he's getting a kick in the bollocks.
    He should be very scared.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oh he really should be. My kicks in the bollocks hurt.

    One guy I almost stopped being able to have children. Whenever he sees me now he says "you're not gonna kick me in the nuts are you?" before he comes within 5 feet of me :cool:.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oh he really should be. My kicks in the bollocks hurt. One guy I almost stopped being able to have children. Whenever he sees me now he says "you're not gonna kick me in the nuts are you?" before he comes within 5 feet of me :cool:.
    I was kicked in the nuts once when I was 13. I never want that to happen again. Ouch! :shocking:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Mine would hurt more. I think it's something to do with the length of my legs...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Mine would hurt more. I think it's something to do with the length of my legs...
    I'm getting scared now!
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