Am i being taken for a mug by this "friend"?

Former Member

Hi everyone,

I would like a bit of advice/help please.

Basically I've been friends with this guy for 4 years at work. I did fancy him to begin with and thought he felt the same way, as I was picking up signals from him and everyone else saw it too. I told him how I felt but he said he didn't feel that way about me. Anyway, we fell out afterwards as he started being a bit weird with me, but we managed to make it up in the end. We've been good friends ever since and I don't fancy him anymore.

Anyway, I left my last dept he was in too about 6 months ago and transferred to another dept. He was seeing someone but when they broke up the 1st time, I was a shoulder to cry on for him, but when I was going through some stuff myself, i felt he wasn't giving me the full support that i needed at the time. Then they got back together, but split up again about a couple of months ago. Ever since him and his girlfriend split up, he's been pestering me every day - keeps emailing me all the time about what he's up to, and now he's started calling me, telling me all about his problems. The thing is, when he asks me how i am and I try to talk to him about what's going on in my life, i either can't get a word in edgeways as he turns the conversation back to himself, or is really unresponsive towards me, unless its something to do with him.

I've tried backing off from him, but it makes him worse. I feel like his daily journal/sounding board/agony aunt, and its at work too! I feel like he's just using me as a daily journal/sounding board/agony aunt, but when i try to suggest meeting up with him outside work to talk about it, he always busy.

Is he treating me like a mug? How do i deal with this? I just wish he'd back off and be a bit more "give and take", instead of take!

Any advice/help greatly appreciated.

Thanks

XX

Former Member

you need to establish some clear boundaries with your friend. its natural for friends to support one another, but from what you've said your relationship with him doesn't sound too healthy tbh. i think it might be he sees you as the only person he can talk to about his problems. he clearly trusts you from what you've said; but you need to make it clear to him that you're not his "agony aunt" or "journal" or counsellor... you're a friend... and you're not prepared to take on the role of any of the above. it might be an idea too, if your friend does need to talk to somebody about his problems and he hasn't got any other support - to perhaps suggest phoning a helpline or something similar?!
firstly, establish some boundaries... and take the relationship from there...