I need advice!!!

Former Member

My boyfriend of six months is a recovering heroin addict and alcoholic. He's been relatively clean for about 9 months now, I think, although he's slipped. That's what I'm worried about. I know he's done heroin a couple times since we've been going out, and I have no idea how many times he's had a drink. He also smokes marijuana sometimes. I've never done any sort of drugs, and he knows this. He tries to be open with me but I know he doesn't tell me everything. He used to live with his very abusive parents (the reason for this being that if he was living with his parents he'd be less likely to do drugs but it just made him really depressed), but recently moved out. He seems to be a lot happier but his room-mates, who are really wonderful people, drink quite a bit, and smoke marijuana sometimes, and I know it's not good for him to be around them when they're doing that. His room-mates don't get drunk very often, they just have a couple beers on weekends, and I know they don't pressure him into anything. But it's still not good for him to be tempted like he is when they're drinking around him. Right now he's not getting completely drunk, and he's not like he used to be (he told me he used to pass out on the streets, or wake up and not know where he was). What he's doing now is pretty normal for most people his age (25). Which is all fine, except I'm really worried that he'll lapse back into addictive behavior, and move from alcohol back to herion. I've told him this and tried to talk to him about it but he never really says anything, just that he doesn't want me to worry and he's ok. I trust him and thought he was only doing something every two or three weeks but I'm pretty sure it's starting to be more frequent. Two days ago I went to his house in the morning and smelled alcohol on his breath from the night before. He never said anything about it to me. Then we were sitting around at his house and his friend came over and started talking about smoking marijuana. My boyfriend asked me if he could, I said it was his choice, that I wasn't going to tell him what to do or what not to do, but I made it very clear that I thought it wasn't a good idea. They ended up smoking some while I sat in the other room. I asked him why he does it and he said it's because he gets lonely. I told him that couldn't be all of the reason because he obviously wasn't lonely when I was there with him and he decided to go off and smoke up instead of be with me. I feel weird talking to him about this because right now he's just doing what everyone else does, and not very often. However, he's an alcoholic and an addict and shouldn't be risking getting addicted again. I'm scared that he'll get into the habit of getting drunk a lot and then move on to harder stuff. He just went through a big counceling session and is going to follow up sessions, and I'm sure they're part of the reason why he hasn't lapsed into doing heroin every day. However they're obviously not working as much as they should be. I guess I just want to know how much I should confront him and try to talk him out of drinking, and how much I should let him make his own choices and not make him feel like no one's on his side.

Former Member

I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through cuz this is obviously affecting you as well as him. And I don't have any hands on experience with this sort of behaviour, although I cabn still try to offer you some advice.

Is there anyway of you talking to his room-mates and asking them to let you know if they're planning on skinning up at any time (or drinking) so you can arrange to take your boyfriend out whilst he doesn't know whats going on? This would reduce the temptation if he didn't know that they were doing it.

Also, when you go out, don't go anywhere where drink is easily accessable, or if it is, just make sure you try and distract him away from the drink, like dancing or something.

But i think the main most helpful advice i can think of is to talk to his room-mates and ask them to understand whats goin on and to be a little considerate.
If your b/f brings any subject up about drink or drugs or gives the remotest hint of a cry for help, then for gods sake leap at every oportunity you can get to discuss with him. But don't over do it - take things at his pace.
Be interested in his councilling sessions and always talk to him about them (as long as it doesn't annoy him!), to show you do care.
Always encourage him.
Tell him to take up football or something.
Do things together regularly.

and remember:

be there for him aswel as his problems

good luck
kat
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