A crazy situation . . .

Former Member

I'd like some advice on a situation I'm in atm. It's quite complicated, but I'll try to explain the best I can. Here goes:

I joined a different college for 6th Form. First couple of days went well, made friends with a load of people. I met this amazing girl (I'll call her C), don't want to sound soppy, but it really was love at first sight. In the next couple of months we became friends, and after plucking up the courage, I asked her out. Unfortunately she said what I thought/feared, that she didn't like me 'in that way'. Obviously I felt down + upset for a while, but we continued to be friends and our friendship grew. Although I was about her not loving me, I didn't feel too bad.
In the second year, I started to become good friends with another person at college (I'll call him S). Hadn't really spoken to him during the first year, but through various things we became really good mates.
At the same time I was becoming friends with S, he started speaking to C. After a while it was obvious that they had feelings for each other, and they started doing all the holding hands and stuff. This made me feel really bad, and it was getting worse and worse each day. Everybody new they loved each other, but they weren't 'going out' as such. This was messing me up real bad, because I knew it would happen and I knew there was nothing I could do about it.
S finally asked out C at a new years party. Although I could see it was going to happen, the moment S told me that he and C were going out together was the worst I've ever felt in my life. After a couple of days of feeling really bad, I began to come to terms with what had happened and tried to cary on with life. I was still good friends with both C and S, though at times it was really hard to put a brave face on seeing them kissing and cuddling etc.
What made the whole thing really bad was the fact I'd seen S and C falling in love, all the way from not even knowing each other, to going out together.
For the next 5 months I just about managed to live with the situation. I was still thinking about C all the time and I liked her more than ever. In the past month, things have been getting really bad. I have realised that I don't just 'like her' or 'fancy her', I actually love her. I love her more than anybody I've ever met and would do anything for her. My feelings for her are growing more and more each day, even though she doesn't love me back.

So, the main problem is:
I love C with all of my heart, but she doesn't love me back. I'm sure loads of people have been in this situation at some point. The thing that makes my situation extra painful is the fact that C doesn't love me, she loves my best friend instead.

I have tried and tried to stop loving C, because all it is doing is bringing pain and hurt. No matter how much I try, I can't stop loving her. It is getting worse, and I don't know how to get out of it.

Any advice for a continually breaking heart?
M

Former Member

Stop seeing her - its the only way

Former Member

if she doesn't love you back then she's not the one for you, therefore there is someone out there perfect for you. its hard getting over someone, try not to see quite so much of her and hang out with other friends, with a bit of space and time you'll get over her. it is easier to get over someone when you dont see them.

Former Member

Wyetry wrote:

Stop seeing her - its the only way

I'm tempted to stop seeing her, but I don't want to lose 2 great friends because I can't stop loving her. I wouldn't be able to stop seeing C without having to stop seeing S as well.

M

Former Member

Does he know that you originally liked her???

Former Member

Yeah, he knew before he asked her out. Apparently that was one of the reasons he took so long to ask her out because he didn't want to hurt my feelings. I only found out that he knew that I liked C at the new years party. (He was told by another friend)

Former Member

Aww well then just ask him to go out for a quiet pint with you and explain the situation - err but like don't say that you think about her all the time - he will think your a mad stalker - just say that its been a bit harder than you thougt it would be seeing them together and is it ok if you and him just go on boy outings for a couple of months till you get your head sorted.

Also ask that he doesn't mention it to her becuase that might just make things a bit odd if you do see them together on occasion.

Former Member

you don't have to lose her as a friend, just get some space from her, him you can see on lads nights.

Former Member

well, this is NOT a happy situation to fall in.. i know from my own experiences when.. well, guess it's about him now and not me :yeees: so, there's actually nothing...nothing to do.. if she doesn't like you..

maybe you should talk to ure friend as mentioned before.. could work

but this doesnt mean you have too loose C and S as friends... i know for sure if someone told me this, i'd feel sorry for them because this situation isnt a happy one indeed.. and if you know your friend is not an "evil" person, it'll cause no harm in telling him :thumb:

i really feel sorry for you , hope things cheer up soon..! it better :impissed: :yeees: i got god blackmailed you know, after... no i'll save that for later

Former Member

Hey everybody,

Thanks for your replies, I really appreciate them.
I will deffinately try ur suggestions. I have spoken to S about it a couple of time in the last 6 months, but as you can probably expect, he doesn't really know what to say. (I don't think I would if I were him).
I'm really not sure about how I feel. I always seem to be in two minds about everything in this situation. For example, 1/2 of me wants to run away and never see her again, but the other 1/2 of me wants to stay friends with her for ever. Or another example, 1/2 of me (the selfish 1/2) wants them to break up, so then I might be in with a chance (kidding myself I know), but the other (nice) 1/2 of me wants them to stay together because they make each other happy.

M

Former Member

You can still be friends with her - but not at the moment - you need to give each other some space - probably in all reality a year or two.

Former Member

I've been in a not to different situation and not seeing the person will really help you. If you don't want to stop seeing them then the only thing you can do is make yourself accept that it isnt going to happen ever. It might sound harsh but i know how it feels. Everytime you see her your torturing yourself over someone who doesnt want you, and you should be torturing yourself. I dont believe all that " the right one is out their for you " crap but moving on is what you need. Time is a great healer, and in the world of relationships / love, its the best everytime. Your real options here are to either stop seeing her or accept it with time and move on. I know what it's like to have strong feelings for someone and have them not feel the same, i told a very good friend of mine a while back how much i loved her, we're till the best of friends, and as much as we'll never be together in that sense i'm still more than glad im friends with her. I accepted it as much as it hurt, of course it stil crosses my mind often but i accepted it and got on with it.

Sorry to have gone on a bit

Former Member

I think you're right. I still want to be friends with her, so I'm going to have to accept that it's not going to happen. I'm having trouble telling myself that she's never going to love me. I love her so much. I think I have accepted that it's not going to happen in the short-term, (C and S are very happy together, and I don't think they'll split up for a while yet), but for some reason I still believe that maybe in a few years time C will change her mind about me.
I am naturally the kind of person who doesn't give up on something easily, which is normally a good thing, but is a major problem in this situation.
We are all going to be off to Uni next year, so I'll be forced to see C less anyway. I think this is one of the reasons I've been feeling worse recently. I have got used to seeing her mon-fri at college, and obviously I'm really going to miss her. Having to leave the person you love, along with the rest of the situation, is not a very nice combination.
I am a bit uneasy about giving up on my main hope/dream, because in any other situation I'm normally a 'go after your dreams' kinda guy. But with all the pain that this hope of love is causing, I think I'm going to have to let go of my dream.

Any tips on stopping the irrational dreams of a 'fairy-tale ending' would be most welcome!

M

Former Member

try and focus more on the new oppertunities going to uni will bring, new friends, new experiences, new girls.....

Former Member

nicebutdim23 wrote:

new girls.....

:thumb:

Former Member

m10 wrote:

Any tips on stopping the irrational dreams of a 'fairy-tale ending' would be most welcome!

M

Try what was suggested :

try and focus more on the new oppertunities going to uni will bring, new friends, new experiences, new girls.....

The thing that drives you crazy is thinking about it so much, it playing on your mind. It's easy to say you will get over it etc, and you will but it's just a waiting game, waiting for time to pass by, it will progress to where it isnt playing on your mind so much, but you can help it too. Sounds hard, and at first i can tell you for me it was hard to stop thinking about someone you have strong feelings for but again give it time.

Try to focus on the fact that you are still friends with this girl, especially after having told her how you feel, something thats not easy to do, and continued your friendship.

Former Member

Thanks to everybody who has replied, you've been really helpful. I'm going to try to stay friends with C and S as they are really good mates. The real challenge is going to be stopping loving C. I think that seeing less of each other will help (even though I will really miss her). Thanks for helping me to make a bit more sense of the crazy situation I'm in. I'll let you all know how it goes in the next few months.

Cheers,
M