Dont know how to react...

Former Member

Im all confused at the moment. Dont know what to do or think or say to anyone.
Ive been together with my boyfriend for 4 and half years, weve been each others 1sts, had a great time together, know so much about each other that even family dont know, and i thought all was ok. then on tuesday he tells me he donesnt feel anything anymore. just like that!

Ive been at uni in London for past 2 years, but have always come home at weekends and throughout holidays (and my holidays are about the same lenth as my uni term so can see him plently then) i even got a job at home so would come back all the time rather than in London where id be saving the cost of travel every week. Hes come down to visit me alot over the time ive been there and gets on great with my mates there.

But apparently hes gotten used to not having me around now. Says hes felt like this for little while and has tried to make it work, said he doesnt want to hurt me but hes unhappy. I know that resently hes been hanging out with mates from work alot more than he used to. I dont care about that thought, i dnt expect him to sit around at home all the while waiting on me. But its not just that thats changed with him, I kind of knew something was up as never touches me anymore, kisses me, no sex nothing. ive got to start everything, and he never talks to me.

i just wish hed told me before now insead of stringing me along like this. I havent even told my friends or family (i live at home when not at uni) i just dont know what to say to them. weve been together for so long, wed become past of eachothers family. his sisters were allways teasing saying when was he going to ask me to marry him, and when were we going to have kids.
i just dont know what hes said to anybody. I havent even properly cried over it, just cant stop thinking about what i wish id said to him and asked and all. I just feel so lost. theres things all around all the time that remind me of him.
i dont know what to do next.

Former Member

If you need to cry, then cry your eyes out. Punch a pillow, scream, do whatever you need to do.

It will feel really shitty for a while. Your appetite might go haywire, heart will race when the phone rings, stuff like that, but it's perfectly normal, and that intense period only lasts for a while - it does get better.

Don't worry about telling too much to every person right now, concentrate on you. Do you have some close friends, or family members who can be with you to support you? A lot of the time, you might want to be on your own, but it can help having others around.

Regarding the ex - different things work for different people, but when I've broken up with someone, I box up everything that reminded me of them - having objects out in the open would only intensify my pain. I'd go through each of them, reflect on them for a minute, and then into the box they go.

If there were any things of his at mine, or things of mine at his, I'd get a third person to do the picking up or dropping off, then via phone or emaill, I'd tell them to delete my details and not get in contact again. It works for me, because I wouldn't want the risk of calling them at some stupid hour etc. It might not work for you, do what you feel is best for now.

Also, whenever I've finished with someone, I write a page of what I didn't like about them, and all the things I can look forward to now that they're gone. Seeing it on paper helps to put it into perspective, because no matter how much my feelings were for them, everyone has their faults.

Keep talking, *lots* of people have been there, myself included, and we've come through the otherside

ClaireBear

Hi MsMinxy,
First off - *hugs* and lots of them.

I thought that you might want to take a look at this article about how to mend a broken heart - it deals with lots of the things you've talked about and might help in the long run.

CB

Former Member

Hi there,

I've been through a similar situation recently - I met a girl a year and a half ago, and we seemed to be the perfect couple (only problem was she lived 100 miles away). She told me last november she was expecting our baby (I was shocked - but over the moon), and I arranged to change jobs and move over there (which she pushed for and said she really wanted). Anyway, found a brilliant job, and handed my notice in in february. One week before I was set to move she called me and said that she wasn't happy and that she didn't think it was a good idea me going over - it felt like my world had ended in that split second.

All I can say is, no matter how bad things may seem, it will always get better. Keep talking to your friends/family, and (hard as it may be) stay positive (I really struggle with this aspect of it). My little boy is due in 5 weeks, and the girl says I can visit him, and then after 6 months or so have him come to stay at weekends etc. I just found out yesterday I've got a brilliant new job, and I'm just about to buy my own place (I'd even moved out of my home and gone back to my mum's!!). Things do work out - and if you'd have asked me that even a month ago I'd have called you a liar!!!!

Former Member

what go_away said :yes:

hope you feel better soon, it feels like shit at the moment, but it also has positives too....although it will take awhile for you to believe that. keep talking to us *hug*

Former Member

thanks all for your kind words.
I dont know if it just hasnt sunken in yet or what but its like i want him to call or text or something yet on the other hand i want to tell him to bogg off and never talk to me again. Its like i really want to hurt him, but i dont. I think its the fact that hes had all this time to think about it yet ive only found out and so dont quite know what to think yet.
I just cant get it in that just like that im single after years of being together. I want to really hurt him and find someone to show i dont care but i cant do that. its not me.
at least i can talk to all of you, just dont know how to say to anyone else yet.

Former Member

i wouldn't rush out looking for someone else just yet. one of the most important things to do after coming out of a relationship is to get to know yourself again, rather than you as part of a couple.

Former Member

The best 'revenge' you could ever do is to live well and happily. It doesn't happen overnight, and it can take a long time to get to that period, but it does happen.

I think at the moment, staying in touch with him won't do much good because you're feeling emotionally vulnerable, I'd give it some time until you feel strong enough to approach him, if that's what you want.

Former Member

id like to stay friends, as weve seen each other through a lot, but thats up to him.
At the moment its the constant looking around when going out to the shops and places incase i see him or his family, wanting to see them/him but then not.
glad ive spoken about it though.

Former Member

Hey msminx,
i really feel for you.. its horiable thinking a bout that..
if thins dont work out then at least you havent realised it later on it life say when you settled down proply had kids etc..
maybe it bothers him that your not always there becasue you go to uni in london?
Just have a long talk with him in a private place get a hotel room or something? so you can sort of clear the air. 4 and a half years is a long time and im guessing it is serious.. good luck babe! *big fat huggy* for ya 4rm me!