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Lack of a girlfriend
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi, I am a bit new to all this message board kinda thing, so I hope I am doning the right thing. This is my problem, which is kinda similar to a few other threads although slightly different. I just wonder if you have got any ideas....
Currently I am just finishing my third year at uni got one year left and I am just hoping my final year isn't as barron as my past 3.I am a 21 year old guy who has never had a girlfriend, this has really been getting me down of late. What makes it even worse is that all of my friends have boyfriends/girlfriend. Yet too me no matter hard I try I seem to get nowhere.
Unlike some of the other threads I have read on this site, I have quite a bit a self confidence, I go to various clubs at uni (when I am there) and although I wouldn't say I have got a great wide circle of friends. I do have a few although they are probably like partying a bit more than I do. I do go out to the guild and the pubs n clubs on occasions although I aint a great fan as i don't drink much (Unlike my friends) . I do have various female friends (most of whom now have boyfriends,) but I have never met a girl who would like me more than just friends. I am not really sure what I am doing wrong. Although I do have coeliac disease (allergy to gluten) and I ain't the greatest looker in the world. So I probably ain't the worlds greatest catch... I also seem to have an invariable habit of screwing things up and saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. :banghead: I am just getting really worried that I am doomed to stay single for ever.....! :nervous: :crying:
Anyone got an ideas what I should do...?
Currently I am just finishing my third year at uni got one year left and I am just hoping my final year isn't as barron as my past 3.I am a 21 year old guy who has never had a girlfriend, this has really been getting me down of late. What makes it even worse is that all of my friends have boyfriends/girlfriend. Yet too me no matter hard I try I seem to get nowhere.
Unlike some of the other threads I have read on this site, I have quite a bit a self confidence, I go to various clubs at uni (when I am there) and although I wouldn't say I have got a great wide circle of friends. I do have a few although they are probably like partying a bit more than I do. I do go out to the guild and the pubs n clubs on occasions although I aint a great fan as i don't drink much (Unlike my friends) . I do have various female friends (most of whom now have boyfriends,) but I have never met a girl who would like me more than just friends. I am not really sure what I am doing wrong. Although I do have coeliac disease (allergy to gluten) and I ain't the greatest looker in the world. So I probably ain't the worlds greatest catch... I also seem to have an invariable habit of screwing things up and saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. :banghead: I am just getting really worried that I am doomed to stay single for ever.....! :nervous: :crying:
Anyone got an ideas what I should do...?
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Comments
tis just one of those annoying things, like buses - when you want one theres none but when you dont 3 come along at once
i dont really see that theres much advice to be given other than join a dating agency or something like that!
As for saying the wrong thing, I've been there!
The less you worry about it the more likely it probably is that it'll happen for you.
you're still very young, i'm hitting 27 next month... not old but feels it when you get there and are still single!
I'm 25 and have only ever had one boyfriend (the one i'm with now) and I've only been with him 7 months. I was like you - was thinking I'd never ever find anyone to spend time with, to fall in love with, to do coupl-y type things with. But it happened for me. I guess my biggest problem was that I tried to force the whole relationship issue for ages, trying to 'pull' the whole time. I probably ended up looking like a right dick most of the time.
Ok, you also say that you've got quite a bit of self confidence - then further on in the same paragraph you start to put yourself down by saying you're not that attractive and aren't the world's greatest catch! Honey, I'm sure the coeliac disease has NOTHING to do with anything. Any girlfriend worth their salt would love you for who you were and it wouldn't matter what health problems you had...
What I would say to you is don't force the issue - don't go out actively looking for a girlf - be approachable and chatty and friendly and be yourself - usually it's when you stop looking that things like this come to you...
Take care
Love cavegirl
xxx
basically, if you meet someone you like... you've got to make the first move with them... if you don't do that... then there is your reason why you've always been single.
btw stafford, hope you don't mind me asking but are you at staffs uni by any chance?!
Woah, such a quick response. It twas interesting to hear what ppl have to say. I don't agree with all the statements made although we all have our own judgements on these matters. I have tried both strategies i.e. just be friendly and the "on the pull" strategy, neither of which have been sucessfull. I feel the former option is the easier to purse,(for me at least) although if you do this option you aren't really making an effort. As for pursuing particular people; I have tried pursuing a particular girl, she didn't have the same feelings for me as i felt for her, however we're still friends. In regards to the looks thing, it does make a difference in the intial meeting stage. How many of you go initially for a short spotty 5ft male or that strapping kinda hunky 6 footer in the corner? Not many for the short one, I am sure?! Bieng less attractive just means you need to try harder at first, that's all, just a sad fact of life, "Some of us are more equal than others"-George Orwell 1984, Although in regards to me, like most of you i guess, I am somewhere in between both extremes. By the sounds of things I suppose there is still time for me, although I do feel it should be my turn soon....
As Foamy said, "I don't have to justify my existance through the existance of someone else". You don't need a girlfriend and you shouldn't let it get you down.
That said, I can't help you get a girlfriend.
BTW I'm nearly 20 and I never been on a date never mind had a boyfriend, so there a lot of pther people in your situation.
And yeah, someone said earlier that they all come along at once. That does tend to be the general trend (so don't f*ck up when they do come along
But seriously
*You're getting a Masters Degree (I presume form 4 years)
*You're clearly not an idiot
*As long as you don't like the Elephant Man then someone will find you physically attractive
*If you are a nice guy with some confidence then there will be women who like you
*I know the most attractive and charming guys, nicest people you will ever meet, but they haven't had girlfriends simply because they haven't met the right person
*Just bide your time, then strike like a hawk! Like a hawk!
I assume most posters here have had a number of boy/girlfriends. And keep in mind that in this I include all kinds of them, "serious" or not. Were all of them "the right person"?
If yes, then you're saying that people like Stafford have fewer "right persons" than you do, which can only be insulting.
If not, even if you take all your totally bad experiences out, then you didn't wait for "the right person" to have a relationship. So why should he?
Btw, I was 27 until I found someone who liked me, so I understand completely what you are going through. It starts to eat away at you, wondering if there is something wrong with you. Don’t worry, there isn’t.
The only thing I can say is that keep at it, relax about it. The one thing that I learnt is that acting desperate is NOT attractive, though you may not even realise that you are doing it (I certainly didn’t until the girlie I am now with told me so).
And it’s true. When you do find someone, all the girls will come out of the woodwork, you won’t know what to do with them. They suddenly realise what a cool guy you are, and they’re jealous. Certainly happened to me, anyway. 27 years of nothing, and then blam…
Also, clubs ainty best bet at meeting potential partners.
Best done through other clubs or friends, maybe get one of your couple friendsw to set ya up on a double datre thing with them and someone else-
First step is admitting it next one is trying do something about ti so your getting there,
*shit :banghead: :crazyeyes :shocking: :grump:
...
I agree with you....
The following statement is somewhat of a sweeping generalisation, so won't be true for all. But there are two stereotypes of individuals (most people probably are somewhere in between).
Firstly there is me, although I'd love to have a girlfriend and do all that couply stuff, things don't come easily too me. Although out of my friends who have similar personalities to my own ( quieter and less gregarious people) often once they do meet someone, it is much more likely to last longer and possibly are more suited to one another. Than people who have lots of relationships. An example in point is my brother, younger than me, taller than me, six pack, louder than me, and also thicker than me! Sorry bro but its true. A lot of girls seem to like him for some reason, i wonder why...? However the relationships he does have, often aren't long lasting. He also often seems to have very little in common with the people he goes out with. So probably a personality difference does effect these issues and the way different people approach relationships. Which is why it might be harder for me than for some other people. However to say I am waiting/saving myself for "the one" is ludacrious. After all their are many people who could potentially go out with anyone individual. Any thoughts..?
The Best Things Come To Those That Wait! - Remember this, and hope for the best, thats the only explantion / advice i have for you! In time, you will find someone! Think of it this way, if you have a relationship later in life you have more chance of it working out and it lasting longer - you will also have more pride!
If anyone wishes to query this, then please feel free!
There are loads of idiots on there, ok, there may be a few nice ones, but the majority of people aren't and are there for the pure reason to annoy you (hell, most of them don't even reply to mail that you have sent them) - great!
I know how you feel mate i'm only 14 and i know i am still too young for a realationship but it sometimes gets me down.
I said something like what you said on a different message board and i was told that just act the way you are. Don't look for a girlfriend and soon you'll find the girl of your dreams. That hasen't worked yet but that was only 2 months ago good luck with the rest of your life