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Trying not to be pushy
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I've been with my gf for a few months and while our sex life is ok, there are lots of things that we haven't done but I would like to.
I have spoken to her about it and told her how I feel, what I would like to do etc. and she says it's not something she doesn't want to do, she's just worried about not doing it right or messing up. That's fine, I totally understand and don't want to rush her, but I think it's going to come to the point where I think 'Oh for God's sake stop worrying and do it'
The thing that gets to me the most is that she was my first, whereas I'm not her first, when we decided to sleep together, everything was up to me, to initiate it and to dictate what happened during it even though I was as nervous as anything, though I would be rubbish and knew she had already done it. Even though she had th experience and I didn't I still took the lead with practically no help from her. Now I'm not saying this is a bad hting, as it turns out it's made me a lot more confident, but if I can do it, then surely she can too? Now, like I said, I don't want to push her into anything but I'm worried that I'm going to get fed up with it, I'm already starting to get a little annoyed that she just won't ever take the initiative or do anything different, even when we discuss it for ages and I reassure her it'll be fine.
One example is kissing - sounds silly I know - We have kissed lots, obviously, but never used tongues, it took me nearly 7 months to mention this to her and ask her why she didn't (all my previous partners did, I thought that was what you just did). She told me she was nervous and didn't know what to do but that it wasn't something she 'never' wanted to do, it was just a nerves thing. I told her how I would love to use my tongue, but she just freezes up every time I try and it gets really frustraiting for me. I know this is a small thing, but it worries me that if she can't get over this then she won't get over any of her nervousness and I'll end up having a disappointing sex life.
I really don't want to push her into any of this, but I don't know what to do, is there something I can do to reassure her and encourage her? - She has always said that all the things I have mentioned I would like to do, she would too, so it's not like I'm forcing her to do something she wouldn't nomally do.
Should I just be patient and wait for her to feel comfortable? Shall I just accept that these things will probably never happen and jus tbe thankful for what I 've got with her? Or should I keep talking about it, re-assuring her it'll be fine and maybe encouraging it (without forcing on her obviously!)
Any help or suggestions are most welcome!
I have spoken to her about it and told her how I feel, what I would like to do etc. and she says it's not something she doesn't want to do, she's just worried about not doing it right or messing up. That's fine, I totally understand and don't want to rush her, but I think it's going to come to the point where I think 'Oh for God's sake stop worrying and do it'
The thing that gets to me the most is that she was my first, whereas I'm not her first, when we decided to sleep together, everything was up to me, to initiate it and to dictate what happened during it even though I was as nervous as anything, though I would be rubbish and knew she had already done it. Even though she had th experience and I didn't I still took the lead with practically no help from her. Now I'm not saying this is a bad hting, as it turns out it's made me a lot more confident, but if I can do it, then surely she can too? Now, like I said, I don't want to push her into anything but I'm worried that I'm going to get fed up with it, I'm already starting to get a little annoyed that she just won't ever take the initiative or do anything different, even when we discuss it for ages and I reassure her it'll be fine.
One example is kissing - sounds silly I know - We have kissed lots, obviously, but never used tongues, it took me nearly 7 months to mention this to her and ask her why she didn't (all my previous partners did, I thought that was what you just did). She told me she was nervous and didn't know what to do but that it wasn't something she 'never' wanted to do, it was just a nerves thing. I told her how I would love to use my tongue, but she just freezes up every time I try and it gets really frustraiting for me. I know this is a small thing, but it worries me that if she can't get over this then she won't get over any of her nervousness and I'll end up having a disappointing sex life.
I really don't want to push her into any of this, but I don't know what to do, is there something I can do to reassure her and encourage her? - She has always said that all the things I have mentioned I would like to do, she would too, so it's not like I'm forcing her to do something she wouldn't nomally do.
Should I just be patient and wait for her to feel comfortable? Shall I just accept that these things will probably never happen and jus tbe thankful for what I 've got with her? Or should I keep talking about it, re-assuring her it'll be fine and maybe encouraging it (without forcing on her obviously!)
Any help or suggestions are most welcome!
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Comments
How old is she?
i would def bring up in convo stuff but gradually just try stuff n see wat her reaction is, altho the way she is, dusnt sound like she'd say no even if she didnt want it to happen....
i dunno sounds a bit complicated
try and make her more confident i guess
Yeah, I'm all for talking about things through first, but don't want her to feel that I keep bringing it up.
I never thought that she would say yes just because that's what I wanted to hear, but now you mention it I guess that's a possibility and she's just putting off telling me it's never going to happen.
You do need to talk with her more, to find out what her boundaries are. Don't be argumentative or aggressive, don't say what you want, ask her where her limits are and what she likes and what she wants to do. Being in a sexual relationship is all about compromise, there will be something she loves having done but you won't ever want to do.
I know, this is what I thought at first, but she insists that she would like to, but doesn't have the confidence
jst a thought!