If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Options
when friends change....
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ok, this is more of a rant...(long sorry)
I've got this friend who's same age as me (15) and has been dating this guy in our year at school for just over a month. Anyways, last weekend she was upset because he didnt contact her all weekend - they were meant to be going out. So she rang me and she was having a moan about him so i had a little moan back, i didnt even say anything really bad about him - you know as you do. She even said herself ''i dont think he cares anymore''
So...when she finally manages to talk to him....turns out he fell asleep and wasnt able to contact her (he doesnt have a mobile). So she forgives him and all's well again. She also has a huge crush on his best mate and goes on about how he's ''loads fitter'' etc...
Anyway....she was being a bit funny on friday and not talking to me much (she does that sometimes when she's having a mood swing) so i left her alone and didnt contact her all weekend thinking she wanted some space. Then sunday night i get an email from her saying that i was avoiding her and ''to stop fucking judging her bf and to fucking deal with it'' This was totally out of the blue and i hadnt said 1 bad thing about him all week!!! So i said to her i didnt have a problem with him and she was being a bit funny. Everything was ok today though. But since she's been with him, she spends all her weekends with him and hasnt asked me out in months.
She's even admitted that he said he wants kids before he's 20 and he wants to be a young dad etc....theyve even spoke about marriage and have decided on kids names.....i explained to her last night that i just dont want her to get messed around by him.....but it was the usual ''oh but he's not like that etc...'' funny...she wasnt saying that when he didnt bother to get in touch with her all weekend. And she keeps going on about how fit his best mate is, i know this is just typical teenage immaturity about relationships..... but has anyone else ever had friends that have totally changed when they get a new bf/gf???
Thanx
I've got this friend who's same age as me (15) and has been dating this guy in our year at school for just over a month. Anyways, last weekend she was upset because he didnt contact her all weekend - they were meant to be going out. So she rang me and she was having a moan about him so i had a little moan back, i didnt even say anything really bad about him - you know as you do. She even said herself ''i dont think he cares anymore''
So...when she finally manages to talk to him....turns out he fell asleep and wasnt able to contact her (he doesnt have a mobile). So she forgives him and all's well again. She also has a huge crush on his best mate and goes on about how he's ''loads fitter'' etc...
Anyway....she was being a bit funny on friday and not talking to me much (she does that sometimes when she's having a mood swing) so i left her alone and didnt contact her all weekend thinking she wanted some space. Then sunday night i get an email from her saying that i was avoiding her and ''to stop fucking judging her bf and to fucking deal with it'' This was totally out of the blue and i hadnt said 1 bad thing about him all week!!! So i said to her i didnt have a problem with him and she was being a bit funny. Everything was ok today though. But since she's been with him, she spends all her weekends with him and hasnt asked me out in months.
She's even admitted that he said he wants kids before he's 20 and he wants to be a young dad etc....theyve even spoke about marriage and have decided on kids names.....i explained to her last night that i just dont want her to get messed around by him.....but it was the usual ''oh but he's not like that etc...'' funny...she wasnt saying that when he didnt bother to get in touch with her all weekend. And she keeps going on about how fit his best mate is, i know this is just typical teenage immaturity about relationships..... but has anyone else ever had friends that have totally changed when they get a new bf/gf???
Thanx
0
Comments
Really gets me down. But that's life sometimes. If you want to be sympathetic with her tell her that you think she's misunderstood what you've been saying about him and you just want to look out for her because she's your friend. If on the other hand you're feeling a bit pissed off, tell her that she's totally left you out now that she's got her loverboy and when they break up (they're 15 - they're almost certainly going to) she'll wish she hadn't gone off you. Having said that, because you're her friend, you'll be there for her anyway and forget about it, and then she'll go off with another guy... etc. etc.
It's a pattern I've seen much too often and I'm only 17.
im 12 YEARS OLD n my mates went out wit dis girl who is now like one of my best mates n i fancy alot now [ read my relationships thread] alrite heres the story
my mates jack met dis girl, she asked him out (in august wen they seeing around high schools) they been out wot is it....9times in LESS THAN A YEAR!!!! we went on a yr7 trip to anglesea n we had a disco n a film on 1nite n they went behind the boys n girls toilets (lots and lots of ppl came out 2 2 watch lol) n got into each other. rest of mine n jacks mates were skittin' jack cuz they were jealous. it made me n jack ALOT closer
huh??
When you get a new bit of fluff you always spend time with them, it's the way it is.
Just tell her to stop being a dickhead.
Your friend just needs to realise that there's more to live than a) spending all her time with her boyfriend and b) spend all her time talking about her boyfriend when he's not there.
Most of the time it takes a break up and lots of tears etc for her to realise that you've been a great friend and she's treated you like dirt. But until then, there's not really much you can do, because she'll just get defensive and think you're badmouthing her partner, when really, you're looking out for her.
I say, just let her get on with it, as she seems to know best(!) and have a good summer with other people. Obviously, don't cut her out, but just let her know that you're there for her if and when she's ready to come back.
Plus if you going to start putting yourself in a situation where you are in between her and her boyfriend thats your own fault.
Never Slag Off Thy Mates' Boyfriends. Ever. End Of. Just Don't Do It.
No matter how much I dislike my best mate's fella (he's lazy, cheap, rude and above all slags her off constantly) I wouldn't dare tell her. I made the mistake of telling her early on in their relationship that he liked to slag her off in the pub etc when she isn't about, but she didn't seem to care and four years later they're still together. So, even when she slates him something rotten, I just listen and oooh and aaah in the right places!
You have to accept that when someone gets a boy/girlfriend then the whole point is to cement the relationship and get to know one another. That's what they've been doing, and yes, it sucks to be the one left behind, but I bet if it'd been the other way around, and you'd been the one to get a boyfriend first, everything would be the same and you'd be accused of ignoring her.
If you feel left out then you have to tell her, but be prepared for the backlash as teenagers tend to be really bitchy about everything!
Well when i had a bf she accused me of ignoring her, when i still saw more of her than i did my bf because he lived 200 miles away. I still hung out with her all day at school and we would spend the rest of thursdays after school in the youth club we used to go to....so we'd spend a whole day together every thursday just me and her....and even when he was over at weekends we'd phone her and we'd both talk to her.
Just stand back and be there to pick up the pieces...
Sadly honey that is just the way it goes, when you are that age it really is just normal and everyone does it and you will probably do it too one day but remember it is not intensional or because she doesnt want to hang out with you, she is just loved up! however you should just tell her how you feel if you are truely good mates or maybe just invite her out instead of waiting for her to ask you, arrange a girlie night in or something!
thats what you get for being young and in love
All I can say is be there for your mate when/if her and her fella split. :thumb:
Well on these boards you frequently make very quick judgements on people based on one side of a story and I think that a friend is never going to tell you full story. If you made a negative comment about her boyfriend you are putting yourself directly in firing line. As soon as you say something negative about him you ARE putting yourself between them.
No you can stay out of it by saying "I don't want to be involved" and if they can't accept that they are not a friend. You did get yourself involved by your own choice.
Ballerina one of your first posts was trying to (laughably) insult me so don't expect me to be sympathetic. If you want sympathy then just ask for it and I won't answer but you didn't you asked for advice and oppinions and in my oppinion you DID get yourself involved by talking about her boyfriend which you DIDN'T have to do.
Not in this thread, posts you have made in past were directly insulting. Surely you can see the danger in the fact you gave your oppinion? If your friend came to you saying "CHRIST my mum is such a bitch blah de blah" I am sure you wouldn't just agree and would say "don't get me involved" and it's the same principle. The second you make a comment on somebody, good or bad, then you have got yourself involved.