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drugs and relationships
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
hi guys,
new here maybe posting on the wrong board but maybe you can tell me what you think
so ive been with the guy for 2 years we're going to get married, he used to do drugs a long time ago but hasnt since we have been together.. but tonight hes gone out with the intention of taking something, i've spent the whole weekend asking him not to im pretty anti drugs and with good reason
was i totally out of order asking him not to? seeing as i wouldnt have even started going out with him if i had known that i would be put in this position , i thought his days of doing drugs were over,
what do you think boys and girls am i just being really ridiculous?
cheers rosie
new here maybe posting on the wrong board but maybe you can tell me what you think
so ive been with the guy for 2 years we're going to get married, he used to do drugs a long time ago but hasnt since we have been together.. but tonight hes gone out with the intention of taking something, i've spent the whole weekend asking him not to im pretty anti drugs and with good reason
was i totally out of order asking him not to? seeing as i wouldnt have even started going out with him if i had known that i would be put in this position , i thought his days of doing drugs were over,
what do you think boys and girls am i just being really ridiculous?
cheers rosie
0
Comments
You've made your feelings clear on how you feel about him taking drugs so theres not much else you can do
You haven't mentioned the "good reason" why you are anti-drugs but if it's really that serious in your own head then theres only 1 option unfortunately and thats to leave him, but I personally think this is a bit severe.
Talk to him again and tell him how strongly you feel about it and try get him to stop, I doubt he will though. Then your going to have to think seriously about what you want before you jump into marriage.
I don't know if I could have ever mixed a girlfriend and a drugs life but I've started seeing a girl at Uni, and have been reluctant to tell her what sort of things I get up to. I will eventually if things become more serious, but just not now. But you should take heart from the that your fella is honest and tells you what he is going to do, instead of doing the fly one, and going behind your back. Hopefully you can sort it out.
lol...would i be right in saying she ended the relationship? Trying to get you to give up the drugs would be her way of testing your male dominance...
To say you wouldn't have gone out him if you'd have known he'd "take drugs" is very shallow...and you're going to get married? Does it really matter if he occasionally does drugs...?? Your perception of drugs is manufactured by the powerful - it's manipulation. Don't believe everything you're told - i take drugs and i'm wonderful :yes: .
OK I don't think tis shallow at all, look at it that either drugs are terrible things or their not and eithier wya she isn't unreasonable to ask him to stop.
If their dangerous its reasonable for her to ask as she cares for him will worry when he does ti and get upset frequently and worry about the chacnes of him beign an addict and al that other negative crap.
If their not dangerous and not that bad and all our minds have been horribly warped by the goverment... then why wont he mind giving it up?
I mean say your partner said "don't eat smarties ever, please, my hamster ate one when I was 4 and choked and i've been traumatised ever sicne" you wouldn't REALLY mind giving them up woudl you?
If a partner does soemthing that a partner truely hates and it is:
A)dangerous (depending on what hes taknig and wheres he getting it from)
B)self destructive
C)has no positive affect on his or her life
then I think its disrespectful. Its not unreasonable to dislike drugs and worry abotu users. Its not like hes meat eater and dating a veggie... hes taking illegal substances that could potentially kill them fully understanding that she hates it.
Perhaps he won't mind giving up, perhaps he will. I could equally say to you, what would you do if your boyfriend wanted you to stop drinking alcohol? That means every party, every club, every pub - you're on the fruit juice because your boyfriend's worried about ye - a bit much eh?
Of course it's shallow - if you're going to marry someone, surely it's the actual person you're interested in, not that they very occasionally do drugs.
Self-destruction and addiction are nearly always the result of underlying pyschological problems - i.e. drug addiction is a symptom of a deep problem, not the root cause.
This bird's b/f sounds like a normal recreational drug user who'd had enough of the whole thing but occasionally goes back for special occasions. You have to give each other space if a relationship is to work.
As for no positive effects on people's lives - who said there were no positive effects? I've had some absolutely spankin' experiences on drugs, experiences which can only be had through drug use. So it can definitely enrich your life.
Does it upset and worry you, about his welfare, the thought of him doing drugs?
Think about this scenario, if you had a hobby that had some possible risks, and your partner was morally against it, and worried sick about you every time you did it, would you give it up for him? what would be more important; the hobby or him?
Is that to the original poster or me?
original poster sory if it wasnt clear