Angry and Confused

Former Member

Hi sorry if i go on here but im so confused and angry at the moment....
I have been seeing my boyfriend for a while now he is 8 years older than me and has two children from a previous relationship that he didnt want and was tricked into. Last night his ex called and this brought up the subject of family and children. I asked him if he wanted anymore children because i thought i had a right o know as i want children in the future. He was like im not sure im not thinking of it at the moment and i have to children already to look after. I explained i only asked as i want children and not meaning to sound cruel that if he doesnt theres no point continuing the relationship.. He then told me that he has mentioned to the mother of his that in the future he may want to get married and have more children and that she stated that her children would be his prority and the most important... I was so angry that she has said this what right has she got and why would they be more importanmt than any other children i believe they should all be equal...
im so angry at the moment it just makes me question if we have a future if he doesnt want anymore children and i dont no whether i can cope or should have to put up with this in my life and advice wld b great... :banghead:

Former Member

first of all, i dont see how anyone can be tricked into having two children, that sounds pretty much like a cop out on his behalf.

But if he says he never wanted the two children he already has, i dont see why he is suddenly going to want more.

I can understand the view of his ex too, she is probably worried that her children will end up losing their dad if he sets up a whole new family life with a wife and kids that doesnt include his other two children. This will be both bad for them not have a dad and her to not have his support in their care. Im not saying this would be the case, just that I can see why she would think it, and maybe her wording wasnt the best either.

You need to sit down and talk about this properly, and if he doesnt want anymore children, and you do, then there only seems to be one option, and thats for you both to move on and find people who have similar views on what they want to do with their futures.

Former Member

I agree a lot with Kate, tricked into having 2 children...I doubt that he was 'tricked' to be honest, merely cause...there's 2 of them...if you know what I mean. A pretty tight perception of his kids as well - "My kids were produced after my wife tricked me".

I understand how she wants her children to be perceived as a priority but I agree with any future children being made equal to the other children from the previous marriage. It would just be crucial that he distributed his time between the children fairly, and he has his own say in this, he doesn't need to take that on board as his only way forward - he probably knows already that he'd need to distribute his affections.

As for him questioning children with you, you need to sit down with him, and have a proper talk. Children are something you want in the future, but if he's not interested in further kids, then there is just no point in lingering in a relationship hoping he'll change his mind or to hang about on a 'maybe'.

Malt x

Former Member

kate2419 wrote:

first of all, i dont see how anyone can be tricked into having two children, that sounds pretty much like a cop out on his behalf

I disagree, my brother was just a kid when he met his future wife. She had all ready got a child from a previous relationship, but the father dumped her. My brother took her on , but had no plansw to start a family. A few months later she fell pregnant. She told him she was on the pill. He was devestated at first. He now has 2 children plus the step child. He's 25 now, but hasn't been able to live his life. I'm 24 and feel no way ready for that kind of commitment, so i can imagine how he must feel! Anyway i'll stop hijacking this post now..

Poochie, his ex probably just wants him to remember that he has responsibilities all ready and to her, her children are the most important. However, she is being unreasonable and probably a little jelous too. Just because your fella doesn't want children now doesn't mean he won't in the future, so don't just give up on a happy relationship. How old are you any way? I'm just asking because if your still very young you have years of fertility left!

Former Member

i can see how once she could lie and say she is on the pill, but a second time?? noway, if it happened once n you want to make sure it didnt happen again, you'd use condoms to make sure you were protected wouldnt you?

Former Member

I never said he wasn't gullable. For some reason he trusts her. (Bitch).

Former Member

He was in and out of a relationship with her for four years. After the first child was born he lived with her and explained that she should go on some sort of contraception so it couldnt happen again but she refused. He then lived with her for a while but the relationship broke down and he left. After this he spent sometime in prison and after he came out and he was warned by his family that she had been around and talking about having another child and that she wanted the same father as she didnt want children with different dads. They met up again a while after yhis . It was then that they slept together again and the second child was concieved. He asked her to terminate but she refused. I know he is to blame as if he didnt want anymore he should have used protection so he only has his self to blame.
Im just so angry