She doesn't listen.

Former Member

I'm in a really frustrated kind of angry mood at the moment. I had a bad day, and during the course of the day I made a decision over something I've been thinking of doing for ages. I want to drop my course, do work in Colchester until summer as my bus pass has been paid until then, and then go back to college in September and do A-levels.

I told my mum about my decision, and she wanted to talk about it tonight. The thing is, whenever she wants to talk about things, it's usually her talking, me telling her the story about whatever bad thing happened today, and then her telling me that I'm just being stupid or whatever (indirectly, of course). Like, I was trying to explain to her today that I'm not happy doing what I'm doing and that I'm only tolerating it because of the friends I've made. I said that there's only one subject I enjoy, but that if I had different teachers for a couple it'd be good. She started saying "well, how would A-levels be any easier?". Well, for a start, less subjects. And no Extended Essay or CAS or anything. But no, she wouldn't listen to me. I didn't even get a chance to tell her what I was planning to do. She was all "a lot of people have made sacrifices for you to do that", "nothing is ever what you think it will be", "everything seems boring these days". And she totally took the teacher's sides when I was explaining to her what happened today, when it is (and it's a unanimous thing here among the people that know about it) my Psychology teacher's fault, and that she was spouting crap. My mum just didn't want to know, and that upset me because I was so frustrated this morning, I was crying with frustration in maths. I was really upset, but she didn't want to know.

I can't really talk to her, because I get scared of what she'd say. I was really scared of having to talk to her tonight because I knew she wouldn't listen and that she'd try and talk me out of it. She hasn't, but she just let the subject drop. I get really scared of going to start conversations with her because I know it will always end up the same. She'll start telling me her opinion and make out like I should have that opinion now too.

I'm really, really unhappy doing this course, and I can't handle it anymore. I know that I'm going to fail it (it is very likely). I know what I want to do, and I know that if I do it I'll make sure it works because otherwise I'll have wasted even more of my time. This isn't something that I'm doing lightly, and I will do the work, and I WILL try harder. But I know that I can't do this anymore because it's making me unhappy. There really is only one lesson I look forward to. One is indifference, but the other 4 are just...I hate them.

I don't understand why she won't support me in my decision? I know it's because she cares but I really am unhappy, and she won't listen to me, which is making it ten times worse. How can I tell her how I feel without being scared?

*sigh*

Sorry for length.

Franki

Former Member

I guess that your mum is just taking on board the "caring, over-protective role". Its what parents do- or at least most parents do. If you have tried speaking with her and been unsuccesful, try writing your thoughts and ideas down. Leave the note around when you aren't there. Then she can read it without seeing you. This will mean that she will have to read it all and not interupt you or whatever. If its really making you unhappy and there is no other solution e.g. working harder etc. then you should do something else. Just remember that your mum doesn't mean to hurt you, she just wants what is, or at least she thinks is, the best for you in the future. x

Former Member

she's probably worried bout you making the wrong choice in the spur ofthe moment. you have a couple of weeks now breathing space to work on her. point out that A levels will stand you in good stead for many progressions, eg uni or training courses and will offer you more flexibility in future. tbh, i had the same problem with mine, i wanted to go to college and do an nneb- they wanted me to do A's. i just stopped going in the end to 6th form and my mum realised i was serious and not going through a phase.

Former Member

although it is quite likely that your mum only has your best intrests at heart; at the end of the day, its your decision, its your life... you've got to do whatever makes you feel happy - despite what anyone else thinks.