Not sure what to do

BillieTheBot

Last night I went round to my neihbours house, I'm really close with the whole family and I needed to give the youngest one(12) the sex talk cos she got drunk at a party and pulled far to many people. So I was just saying about not drinking past her limit and not putting herself in vunerable position with boys that want more than just a snog. Anyway, i had just finished giving her the talk when I said that sex, fags and drugs are the only things i'd lecture her about till she was 16 and she went "umm....." in the most *hey i've been smoking* kinda way. So I went on to give the most hypicritical lecture of my life (i smoke) and then took her fags off her. She said that her mate gave them to her cos they were trynig to quit, but she'd smoked 4 of them.

I really dont know what to do, she said that she wanted to finish the pack then give up, but it seems like she already hooked cos she got in such a mood cos I wouldnt give her one last fag. and she went on and on and on about it online later that night.

I said to her that I wouldnt tell her mum but I think I should. Just to warn her mum and stuff, I dont want her finding out and then being told that I knew all along.
I'm going round there today cos the hairdresser is round and I think the girls will be at school.

Do you think I should mention it to her??

Former Member

Talk to her mum if she doesn't stop. Make that clear to her.

Former Member

You lecture her on not smoking until she's 16 yet you say that if she drinks, not to drink pass her limit. She could be getting mixed singals, "I'm not allowed not smoke but I am allowed to drink. Hmm, if I'm allowed to drink then I'm allowed to smoke. ". You should be encouraging her not to drink as well.

Former Member

I don't think she could be hooked on smoking yet if she's only smoked 4, and possibly a few more her friends may have given her before. Perhaps she just got annoyed because she knew it was the wrong thing to do and felt bad about herself in the situation.

I don't think you should mention it to her mum yet, wait and see if thegirl actually does stop smoking and if she doesn't then spill the beans. I don't think you should tell her right away because you don't want to risk losing the girl's trust.

Former Member

i rekon u should use "ill tell ur mum everything" against her... youll seem like a bitch but it works thats wat made me stop

Former Member

yeh but i drink and i havnt done anything more to a guy than kiss so its basically wether shes "responsible" or not lol

Former Member

I think you should give her the benefit of the doubt and see if she quits, if she doesn't make her smoke a few packets of the strongest cigs you can find without a break - I think you would have to be really committed to smoking to endure that - after only having had 4 I think she will kick the habit for good. If then it persists tell her mom, but as someone who smoked from 13 yrs, didn't stop me at all.

Former Member

Kids of 12 getting drunk. Jesus! Never on my watch. Though I think my girlfriend's far more liberal and, should we have kids, will undermine me and just let them run amok.

Former Member

Felix Da Housecat wrote:

You lecture her on not smoking until she's 16 yet you say that if she drinks, not to drink pass her limit. She could be getting mixed singals, "I'm not allowed not smoke but I am allowed to drink. Hmm, if I'm allowed to drink then I'm allowed to smoke. ". You should be encouraging her not to drink as well.

I'm not to bothered about her drinking becuase there is no way I can stop her doing that, she doesnt go to partys very often so she's not likely to be drink more than about once every couple of months. And when she's at partys her big sister (14) keeps an eye out.

I think I should tell her mum because its the right thing to do, from the conversation i had with her last night it dosnt seem like she's willing to give up, she said things like "I can always get some more" "you'll never know" and "But I like smoking"

Next time I catch her with fags tho I'm going to make her eat one

I'll say to her mum that she needs to find out for herself before she says anything becuase i need to keep that trust with Em.

Indrid Cold

Zella wrote:

So I went on to give the most hypicritical lecture of my life (i smoke) and then took her fags off her.

Maybe I'm being stupid again, but could you use that to your advantage? Explain all the reasons why you want to stop and that it'll be easier for her than it is for you, maybe some part of this will manage to get in her mind?
Of course it could be a double edged knife, and she'll say something like "so let me decide for myself, as you did"... Sorry I can't say something better.

12... People are starting to do this younger and younger... It's sickening... :crying:

Former Member

It's a really tough one. I'm not sure what I'd do in this situation myself, but I personally think you shouldn't tell her mum. At 12, kids are just rebellious and do things like smoke to be "cool". I think as soon as she finds that it's not cool, gives her sore throats and leave her with no pocket money, she'll stop

Former Member

Pan_chan_boo wrote:

12 aint that suprising, its a normal thing where I live,

We could tip off the Americans about a terror cell and get them to storm the place?

Indrid Cold

Skateside wrote:

It's a really tough one. I'm not sure what I'd do in this situation myself, but I personally think you shouldn't tell her mum. At 12, kids are just rebellious and do things like smoke to be "cool". I think as soon as she finds that it's not cool, gives her sore throats and leave her with no pocket money, she'll stop

If it was like that, then almost everyone would stop. They don't though and it becomes too late for it to be easy.

Former Member

zella;

the only thing with telling her mum is that at the moment (to her) i suppose you are older but arent in that realm of adults such as mum's and dad's in terms of trust.

if you tell her mum about this there could be a danger that if shes got a problem she wont feel able to come and speak to you about it, i mean if she gets herself in a real mess (and to be honest shes on the wrong side of teens on that note) one time she may really need someone like you.

also im not having a go but (to be honest i had this one with my little cousin about 3 years ago) kids hate hypocracy, especially from elders because it makes them question the validity of everything the person said.

I guarentee the most annoying thing most parents say is 'do as i say dont do as i say'.

tbh this is just me but if it was my little cousin i'd try to explain why all this is bad for her...give her reasons rather than lectures.

hell i suppose you could even say to her 'right, i'll give up if you do...' that'd put you two on the same level i guess, just a thought.

good luck anyway :thumb:

Former Member

Ok well I told her mum anyway cos I just couldnt keep it from her. She says that she isnt going to have a go at her, she'll just keep an eye out. Cos her mum wants to be kept up to date with things going on in her daughters life and if we didnt tell her (we being me, big sis and cousin) then she would never know. So she needs that trust to stay there as much as I do.

So she's just going to keep watch to make sure she isnt doing anything she isnt ment to. Tbh she didnt seem that suprised, its probably Em wanting to look more adult cos she's two years younger than her freinds.