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everything is fucked

this is my first post. ive been reading some of the messages and i have noticed how sensitive and thoughtful everyone is when replying and giving advice. id just like to tell you whats going on in my life atm, partly cos it helps to write it down and also because i could do with a few helpful words.
basically i am suffering from depression and have been for quite a while. i am taking lustral (sertraline) for this but it doesnt seem to have helped much even tho ive been taking it for months now. i dont really know what started it, it was a number of things i think: exam pressure, my best friend going into hospital, various other friends having problems, being ill. anyway i started cutting myself and then i turned to alcohol. some of my friends got worried and told the school and i was banned from going on a school trip to russia. at the moment im not at school because i got drunk (v drunk) a couple of weeks ago at school and had to go to hospital cos i also cut my wrists at the same time. i was seeing a psychologist at a hospital at the time so my parents (who im not that close to but know everything thanks to the school) made an emergency appt, and this woman decided i should become a day patient at the hospital and attend rehab/therapy sessions and stuff. im not sure how i feel about this yet, in a way its good cos i do really wanna get myself sorted cos i wanna go to uni next year but on the other hand i am so scared its untrue. im also worried that it might not work out cos its basically the only option i have left and if it doesnt work, then what do i do? ive had no alcohol for 2 weeks now and its killing me, i really want some, i used to drink every day and now ive suddenly gone to nothing. im tired all the time and i feel sick quite often, is this cos of that or just cos im stressed? i dont know when im going to hospital im just kind of waiting and it sucks, ive got nothing to do and im so desperate for some alcohol. i cant help it. i dont know what to do. thanks 4 listening.
ps i also screwed up one of the best friendships i ever had and i miss her so much it hurts all the time theres nothing i can do to make it better and i hate myself.

[This message has been edited by fRaGiLe (edited 23-11-2001).]
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hey babes, remember you aint alone, you aint the first to go down that path and you sure as hell wont be the last, but you are there and need to move up. "in life there are different paths non have to be a destination just a journey <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif">uzzledora 2001.
    I have been on that road for different reasons and yep it hell! now i,m having a ball, extreemly happy and life is good. How?
    daily positive targets. like today i am going to do???????????(what ever you want but cant be arsed) force your self to do it and when you have , realise you have taken the first step up, the next day do the same and feel good that you have now done two steps, and so on..... dosent have to be major shit remeber every little helps, when you feel stronger more in controll reward your self with a drink ( only if you check out with doc first)but no cheeting!!!!!!
    Ino many people may frown on hypnotherpy, but personally i can recomend it, i saw one in the last stages of getting well , and although it not an instant cure IT DOES WORK,
    REMEMBER. every one has a sad story to tell
    we have all been hurt, we have all been confused, that is human nature,
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hiya. U sound so much like me it hurts.
    Im depressed, but I can pin point why in one word... parents. Other stuff like friends and school come into it, but thats every day life. I feel rejected as a human, and un loved by everyone. I feel fat, ugly and depressed. Guess thats why the Doc put me on Prozac when I went with sleeping problems. I also cut, and have eating problems - not annorexia - the total opposite. I hate myself and what Ive become, thing is only one other person knows all this and thats an online friend, my parents dont know, and neither does my school. I would actually love to spend a few months in a mental hospital, with other people like myself. get away from reality for a while and chill out - while having therapy and everything.
    Never gonna happen though coz Im too much of a wuss to talk to people.
    I know Ill get thru it all in the end though, people like us always do.
    MSG me on yahoo or msn messenger (details below!!) or email me, if u want to that is.

    Well Im not being much help so far!! lol


    Andrea x

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi fragile. Not sure if anything I can say will instantly make you better, these things take time and hard work, I should fucking know <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif">.

    Ok, the lustral. I personally have never had this one, but I have friends who have been or are on it. What doseage are you on? It could be that you need a higher doseage of lustral to help you get through the therapy, and basically through the rough patch that you seem to be stuck in right now. Also, maybe if you were to stop taking lustral you would slump even further down, which I do not recommend, the same happened to me a short while ago when I decided to myself that I could function without Prozac. Which was basically untrue. So I think I would advise you to stick to lustral for the moment.

    I understand and know that a lot of things can cause depression, and a lot of things can happen as a consequence, which I'm sure you will have noticed.

    I'm sorry to hear about your alcohol problems, and as addictive as it can be, I think you'll need to learn to face upro your problems instead of turning to alcohol and cutting instead. And I know I must sound so hypocritical, and I am guilty of the same, but lets hope you become a regular around here and we can all help each other through <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">.

    It's good that you are in therapy and rehab, I mean as much as I dislike my current therapist, she is doing me good. I hope that you soon get some positive results from your therapy, you sure deserve it.

    There are more alternatives than therapy, there is the theraputic community, which I have a friend who is in one right now. There is alternative medication. And remember, just because if one therapist didn't work, it doesn't mean that others won't.

    Well anyway, like I say I hope you become a regular around here, I feel as if that could help you quite a bit. Welcome to thesite <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">. Take care and keep in touch, I hope that some of what has been said on here helps a bit

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks u lot those comments were so nice <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt; if i can do the same, let me know.
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