Brotherly Woes

Former Member

Bear with me guys. This is gonna be a long post. (4 Parts)

As the title suggests I am worried about my bro. He is a year yonger than me (30) and has been a herion addict for around 12 of them years. I have known about this for around 7 years. For about the first 3 of them years I tried to help him. I sat up with him all night while he rattled. I paid off some big black drug dealer who was threatening to shoot him. And this wasn't a £100 debt either. 4 figure sum.

It was hard but we got through it. Then his evil fucking girlfriend (Also on the stuff) got her hooks back into him and dragged him back onto it. Things were worse than ever. He started injecting again. He was skiving off his work more and more. Rumours starting spreading around our town and I felt that he had to tell my folks before they found out from someone else.

(tbc)

Former Member

That was a hard weekend. Alot of truths came out but at least now everyone within the family unit knew. We all rallyed round to support him and his g/f. (BTW Drugs or not drugs his g/f is not welcome. She is pure evil and will do anything to get her own way or make her centre of attention.)

After a really tough year he pulled through. He was off the drugs and getting his life back together. The g/f family moved to another town (Her Dad's work forced the move) which was around 50 miles or so away. He went to South Africa with his work for 6 weeks and when he came back he looked the best I have ever seen him in 8 or so years.

BUT while he was away the g/f had a relapse. Within 2 months of my bro being back he was on the stuff again. He lost his job and then his flat. He moved back hom ewith my folks. So over the last couple of years he's been on and off it but more on than off.

(tbc)

Former Member

Things came to a head last month. My folks also helped pay off some of his debts. They took out a huge loan (5 figure) to pay off the numerous credit cards he had maxed out. My Dad lost his job about 4 months ago and has been unable to find new employment. He had enough cash to tide them over for a while and as my bro was working he was able to pay the monthly repayment of the loan. Until he started skiving off more and more again. Started hanging about with all the old gang again.

So one night (About 6 weeks ago) he came stumbling in at a little past midnight (He was supposed to be starting the night shift at 10PM) . My folks went mental and kicked him out. Now I can understand why they did it and I don't blame them for one second. I would have done the same. And I haven't seen or heard from him since.

(tbc)

Former Member

I know he's OK because I have spoken to people within the circle. He's dossing down at folks flats/houses. He's lost his job again but that was to be expected. I keep expecting to see him on the streets asking for "spare change".

I have his mobile number but am very unsure if I should phone him. Am I being totally selfish by not. I'm not sure if I want to be bringing all these problems back into my house. It's previously caused fights between me and the missus because I've ran around looking for him sometimes all day or night.

Help!!

Former Member

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Former Member

Thanx GWST. I am just at a total loss. I've tried to help in the past and I know he's got to want to do it for himself but do I just leave him to it until he comes to me?

He's had offers to go to Glasgow and stuff to get away from it but the g/f hooks in.

I wake every morning and wonder if he's OK. It's totally tearing me up. And I have to hide it from the wife and the kids cause I don't want us to start fighting about it again.

ClaireBear

Hiya Ninja,
First off *hugs*, it sounds like you and your family have really been having a time of it. It also sounds like you could do with some support and I realise you've probably talked to professionals about this but it might be useful for you to contact Family and Friends an organisation offering counselling, support and information for family and friends of drug users, you can call them on 0808 800 2000. You can also find online support at AdFam.

Both of these organisations will be able to help you work out what you want to do next about the situation and would also be able to offer support, advice and info to other members of your family who might need/want it.

*more hugs*

Hope this helps some,
CB

Former Member

First of all if you want advice on the drugs issue then I would recomend that you contact Release, they are a charity based in London and I am sure they would be able to run through all the issues with you over the phone.

www.release.org.uk

As for your brother, its a situation where although you want to help him there really is only so much you can do. He is an adult and makes adult choices. Of course thats no comfort to you at all.

What I mean is that he has to decide to give up and give up for good. He has to come to the choice by himself. Treatment very rarely works when it is forced.

There is a school of thought that suggest that you shouldnt bail out drug using siblings. In that when they know you will always pay their debts then they know they always have a safety net and are more liable to run up those debts. Of course this isnt easy when they are being physically threatened.

Former Member

It is hard Bongbudda when people have guns pointed at him and demanding the cash. What makes the whole bailing him out thing worse is, as explained, my folks took out a loan to pay his debts. And now that my Dad is out of work and can't pay the loan it looks like they are having to sell the house.

It just makes me so angry that his selfish acts have come to my folks having to sell not their house but their and my childhood home.

And then I feel guilty that I feel anger towards him.

Both myself individually and the family as a whole have been to counselling but I fear that he's beyond help.

I might just use this medium as a sounding off point as don't want to upset the wife.

Former Member

Indeed, and of course he knows how selfish he is being, he understands the pain he's putting everyone through, which is partly why he continues.

Its escapism, pointless and non-sensicle in the long term, but works in the short term.

Former Member

I know exactly how you feel ninja as my bro was an heroin addict for a lot of years. My mum n dad kept bailing him out, he used to thieve from the house (anything, including the gas bbq).

I wiped my hands with him and basically didn't want nothing to do with him, and still don't really for that matter. That was my way of dealing with it but I know it wouldn't work for everyone.

He has to want to come off it to start with, as bong said, treatment won't work if forced. Although what my bro got in the end was some kind of implant where if he took heroin it had no effect on him, this is when my bro turned to crack, mum n dad bailed him out again with guys with guns waiting outside my family home for him. He sorted that out but started dealing smack and crack, he has just being sent down for 3yrs (best place for him if you ask me), through all this though he had then substituted it all and became an alcoholic.

I don't know really what to suggest as I said I wiped my hands with him, my mum n dad stuck by him giving him random drug tests just before he got sent down to make sure he wasn't taking anything still.

Hope it all goes well for you

Former Member

Thats interesting Lickalotapuss, kind of shows the pointlessness of vaccines against drug abuse. If someone wants to they will just swap from one to another.

And although prison might be the best place for some people it will still be awash with drugs.

Former Member

Originally posted by bongbudda
And although prison might be the best place for some people it will still be awash with drugs.

If he gets back on it its his choice but at least he can't put my mum n dad through any more shit whilst he's locked away. My rents will be living in Corfu when he gets released so fuck knows what he will do then, I know for a fact he isn't coming to live with me.

Former Member

Tried to call my bro on Xmas Day to wish him a merry Christmas and all that but no answer. So I sent him a text message but never heard anything back so just left it. Was in the bath on Boxing Day and the phone goes but the wife was too late getting to it. Did a 1471 and it was my bro. She phoned back but my bro said he hadn't phoned must have dialled itself whilst in his pocket. Was that a cry for help? I said I would phone him back and then totally forgot.

So yesterday evening whilst down at my Mum's she gets a call from him. The guy he is staying with has been over at his parents house since Xmas Eve and he has been on his own since then could he come over. So my Mum goes to pick him up.

He's split up with the g/f and to put it bluntely looks like shite. I said hi to him and that was pretty much it. I'm not sure if he wants to talk and I'm too scared to bring it up with him incase it upsets him and he goes off on one.

This is fucking shite.