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first time sex, performance issues
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi,
I'm a 21 year old male and had sex for the first time with my girlfriend this past week. Unfortunately, it wasn't much of a 'physical' experience for myself. I'm sure some of it is that it was my first time and I wasn't exactly good at doing what I was doing, but nonetheless I'm worried for a few reasons.
She's the only girl that I have recieved oral sex from as well, and I have never been able to achieve orgasm with her. She has given me oral sex multiple times, and it is beginning to feel better, but not enough to get me off. I have orgasmed only once with her, while she was giving me a handjob (and after a considerable amount of time).
I'm not sure if my problem with orgasming is a result of desensitivity from masturbation or if it has to do with some sort of anxiety issue. I don't masturbate excessively, but I think I may do it a little too roughly. As far as anxiety goes, I feel extremely comfortable around her, so I don't see that being an issue. I do feel some pressure, or rather, desire to orgasm, because I know it's what we both want, but generally when she is giving me oral sex or when we are having sex, I just don't feel like it feels good enough for me to get to that point.
As of right now, I have stopped masturbating and am going to see if I can regain some sensitivity (or at least get extremely horny). Hopefully this will be a solution to the problem. My only problem though is that I'm heading back to school in two weeks and won't be able to see her often for quite some time after that.
Does anyone have any advice for me? Does this seem to be a problem of desensitivity or a problem of anxiety? Some common stories or any sort of advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks.
I'm a 21 year old male and had sex for the first time with my girlfriend this past week. Unfortunately, it wasn't much of a 'physical' experience for myself. I'm sure some of it is that it was my first time and I wasn't exactly good at doing what I was doing, but nonetheless I'm worried for a few reasons.
She's the only girl that I have recieved oral sex from as well, and I have never been able to achieve orgasm with her. She has given me oral sex multiple times, and it is beginning to feel better, but not enough to get me off. I have orgasmed only once with her, while she was giving me a handjob (and after a considerable amount of time).
I'm not sure if my problem with orgasming is a result of desensitivity from masturbation or if it has to do with some sort of anxiety issue. I don't masturbate excessively, but I think I may do it a little too roughly. As far as anxiety goes, I feel extremely comfortable around her, so I don't see that being an issue. I do feel some pressure, or rather, desire to orgasm, because I know it's what we both want, but generally when she is giving me oral sex or when we are having sex, I just don't feel like it feels good enough for me to get to that point.
As of right now, I have stopped masturbating and am going to see if I can regain some sensitivity (or at least get extremely horny). Hopefully this will be a solution to the problem. My only problem though is that I'm heading back to school in two weeks and won't be able to see her often for quite some time after that.
Does anyone have any advice for me? Does this seem to be a problem of desensitivity or a problem of anxiety? Some common stories or any sort of advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks.
0
Comments
You will be nervous, iv recently started a serious relationship with my first sexual partner and it is nerve racking.
If all else fails, Durex Play is a lubricant that increases sensitivity and Durex Heat makes your penis warm which also increases sensitivity.
Or just watch porn while your misses is doing the business
to be honest i hardly felt a thing with the 1st 3 people i slept with and the same with my current girlfriend up until a few months ago then one day i started getting a bit of feeling and then all of a sudden it was amazing one day. not sure what (if anything) we did differently but its great now
But now Im with my current missus' he tells me what he likes, it's all good. Communication is the key.
Not wanking for a bit might help, as it will make you more excited during sex and more in need of release. It doesn't affect sensitivity though.
A lot of men don't come through oral sex, contrary to popular belief. They also don't come through penetrative sex at first either in a lot of cases, although this problem is never mentioned compared to those who pop their cork after six seconds.
The more nervous you get, the harder it will be for you to come.
Do you have any articles or documents on this? It would be nice to read a research paper or something similar regarding the fact that most men don't come the first time they have sex...
Google.