Breaking up

Former Member

I have done a search but there wasn't anything helpful so thought I'd make a new thread..

Me and my boyfriend broke up on saturday...2 days ago. We were together for 9 months and it started going kinda wrong when he went to uni and just got worse. I've been thinkin about breaking up for the last few weeks but then on saturday he ended it..over MSN. (He asked to meet in town but I said I didn't wanna go through everything in public..I thought he might call or come round mine but instead he just did it on MSN :mad: )And even though I knew it was coming, I feel like crap keep crying and can't stop thinking about him.

We agreed to be friends but I went out on saturday night with my mates, got really drunk, attempted to have a good time...but then he turned up at the club I was at and didn't even speak to me. He said on msn later that he didn't wanna cause trouble but..argh! I'm really confused cus I know he was no good cus there was always some kind of problem when we were together but I know that if he wanted to get back with me I'd say yes.

How do you get over someone and breaking up?

He's supposed to be coming round tonight to drop off my xmas present..which he bought after he broke up with me. I haven't even bought him anything cus I asked what he wanted and he said he doesn't mind if I don't buy anything and it's up to me. And I don't think he deserves a present purely for breaking up with me on MSN. I don't know how to cope..this will be the first time we've seen each other for 2 weeks and last time I saw him we were together. I know I probably shouldn't see him this soon but I feel like I need to see him cus the only contact I've had with him (apart from seeing him briefly on saturday night when very drunk and emotional and neither of us speaking to each other) is over the net..

I've made a big list of all his faults but I still miss him and wish I could stop thinking about him. I keep having mood swings...between 'I hate him, I want revenge' to 'being friends will be fine, maybe better than when we were together as no arguments etc' and I'm really confused cus I don't know how I really feel.

Sorry for rambling and the length of my post but I need to let it all out. It was my first relationship so I've never had to go through this before :crying:

Former Member

*hugs*

Bless you sweetheart. Break ups are harsh because no matter how aware you are that things are going wrong/its going to happen, you're never completely sure of what you're going to feel.


My first 2 boyfriends I've had, the relationship itself was quite intense and emotional so the breakups followed suit. Even when I broke up with my first ever boyfriend it was hard! My second, I was dumped. I'd cry and cry and hate myself, then I'd hate him, then I'd be sure it was my fault and I made him break up with me, but it was all just paranoia and anger. In the end I just wanted a straight answer as to what he wanted from me. When I got it, I felt better. Its so cliche and its probably not what you want to hear, but it will get better in time. Occupy yourself with other things, go out with your friends, read, anything, keep yourself busy to stop yourself fretting and driving yourself crazy over it. It works!

Ive stayed civil to them both and chat to them quite often on MSN etc, and sometimes I see my second boyfriend out and about, I say hello etc because there are no hard feelings, but I couldn't be friends with them like when we were 'together' because its just too hard, knowing that he'd be out there with other girls drove me crazy, so I detached myself. Some people can be friends with their exes, but damn its hard!

Former Member

My ex broke up with me in the cafe at Asda. It is a cowards way to be honest - do it in public and she won't crack you!

Former Member

Yeah..he's a coward.

Think he tried to break up with me a few times before, once he started with "Now I'm used to being at uni and being by myself and not having you around all the time...etc" and another time "If we ever broke up, we'd stay friends wouldn't we?" so I started crying and said he should just break up with me and forget the big speech but he said he wasn't..though now I think he was!

He's coming round in a bit..I hope I don't start crying in front of him..

Former Member

stay strong hun

let us know how it goes

a hell of a lot of the peeps on these boards have been exactky where you are now

Former Member

I know how you're feeling..Well not exactly obviously because our situations are different.

From reading your post it looks like you still aren't over him. Seeing him again I think would only hurt you even more. You need space apart, otherwise it will just bring back memories and you'll find it even more difficult to move on.

I'm sorry if this didnt help or if it sounded cliche. I'm sure everyone on these boards are here for you if you want to talk.

Rach x

Former Member

I dumped my ex boyfriend after him being full of bullshit. He's the worst person to be alive to date and doesn't deserve anymore typing time from me to him.

Although I've said this countless times but I am so done with drama with men. I'm out for fun now, and plenty of me-time.

I think that's what you need to do, too. Get your life back, I'm getting my year back.

Former Member

Well I've just got back from a night out and how stupid do I feel..!

He came round last night and at first it was sooo awkward, then we talked a bit, then we hugged and kinda made up and everything seemed as alright as it could be...I bought him an xmas present today cus he bought me one and so I felt guilty..

Then he came out tonight and we spoke again, everything seemed fine and we were both happy..but then at the end of the night he was dancing with 3 girls who I knew and I'd always thought were just his mates..but then he was just dancing with the one who was single and just before he went home he got off with her...I think he knew I was watching..and it really hurt cus I feel like he did it just to get at me.

I feel really stupid for ever going out with him, thinking it would ever work, staying with him, spending money on a present...ugh!

Former Member

I know it's little consolotation just now but you're in a what is )sadly) a common situation.... I can sympathise very much; I was dumped over MSN after a two year relationship (nice to know that in those 2 years you've earned enough respect to be dumped over the net, isn't it?). It sucks, and whilst I hate cliches, time is a healer. You have to ride it out, and importantly look after yourself for a bit. Be selfish, but above all else do SOMETHING. Don't sit around doing nothing and giving yourself time to ponder on things, that's when all these feelings will start running through your head. Even though I'd been with her 2 years (and like you it was my first and in fact only relationship to date), I was able to forget about her for periods of time, even quite soon after splitting up, just by playing footy and stuff like that, because it occupied my mind. Occupy yourself.

As regards your last post, again it happens to a lot of people and I've been there too, in some ways your predicament is fairly similar to mine! For me, especially when you're dealing with your first love etc a clean break is essential. It's hard enough getting over someone when they're not there, but when they're physically in front of you, then it is obviously going to remind you of certain feelings that right now you don't wish to feel, and in fact need to get rid of. Moreover, people are crafty, often a person will quite enjoy draping themselves all over members of the opposite sex in front of their ex, just to make them jealous. It's also their way of saying 'I'm over you, forget it', and it's totally unpleasant. Right now you probably still feel a bond and that even though it has gone wrong that you feel drawn towards him and want to see him, just because you've shared a lot of time together. You HAVE to just keep plodding on with your life and that feeling will subside over time. Other things will take over. Time does heal, you might not think it right now, but if you think about 'grief' in general, like when you lose someone, it follows a pattern; the initial sad event happens, you are upset, emotional, your mood swings up and down every 5 minutes, but in time things come back together, the feelings subside and you get on with it.

All the 'hugging and making up' etc, you don't want that this soon, it messes you up, because subconsciously you'll probably be clinging onto some kind of hope that maybe there is still something there, but really you need a break, you need to remove yourself from any feelings of attachment first. Trying to get over someone whilst having them in front of you is not fair on yourself. Give yourself some 'you-time', turn the mobile off for a bit, go out, meet up with some friends, and one day you'll probably turn round to yourself and think 'hang on, I haven't thought about him for 'x' amount of hours', and eventually (and you have to be patient and strong) you'll be fine. I hope you are, take care and let us know how you move on, and a belated happy christmas