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Trust/Ratlationship Problems
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hia, Been considering for a few weeks whether to come on here and share my problems with the rest of you to find maybe find an answer to my problems with my current girlfriend but fear maybe stopped me till now because I have always been one of these people that likes to be told what I want to hear instead of the truth. But not in the obvious sense. Don’t hold back thou.
I’m 23 now and have a girlfriend of 27 who I met about 3 months ago. And it’s a sort of surreal problem I have with her. Two weeks after I met her she gave us a text and said she had a little boy which stunned me to a certain extent because I totally wasn’t expecting to hear it. I decided that this wasn’t a problem for me and told her this. Now saying I didn’t have a problem with it was not really near the truth. I always thought it was something I could work on and it would ease after time. And it has but far from any length I want it to.
I’m sat here now thinking I met this girl who is quite stunning and I really enjoy spending time with her and I think I love her. Now we have this relationship that started in the first month where she told me she really did love me. And I started believing it myself and I think I do. But she leads a rather complicated life. She’s close to her family in a big way. Her mum and dad have split and has a sister. Now her sister is some mega bitch the same age as me. She has no friends and is always clinging onto my girlfriend. Whenever I’m out my girlfriend will be there with her sis.
She tends to cancel on me a lot and I’m always thinking it’s the most amazing of excuses she gives but swears by them every time. Mostly she leaves it till the last minute and then says she can’t come.
We have a good sex life but the other night she rejected me half way through because a few days before I came out and said “I don’t really trust you” and we talked about it. So I was fine with that but was quite pissed off inside at the time.
A month ago I met an ex of hers out in a club and he came and sat next to me and said “I heard you wanted to beat me up” and I said “no, you’re a stranger to me, why on earth would I want to-do that you daft bugger?” And he said that my girlfriend txt him when he was slagging me off and said this. I assured him this was not the case so we sat down and had a drink. He started telling me and warning me in a way about how my girlfriend (his ex) was un-trustworthy and she would say anything to get what she wants and the thing that scared me was I could relate to this. He also said to me that he thought her and the father of her child were still living together.
So I spoke to her about this and she denied it out and out and she was also a little down because it was ruining us. A week later we were still having problems and was just saying to her “well, I didn’t ask for this darling” and she said the exact same back. Then I went for a drink with my mate and it seems her bitch of a sister had told him that my girlfriend was living with the father of her child and it was only a matter of time till they got back together. Of course she denied this but I know my mate is not lying cos I trust him.
Want to make this as short as possible but its really complicated too and getting me down and I cant function while its on my mind. We have talked about it and she said she would make much more time for me. But the same things are happening. I arrange to meet her and she either cancels on me or puts it off for an age meaning we have like 2 hours together. We are great when we are together but it’s the times we are not. I get the feeling I’m not high in her pecking order no matter what she says. I don’t think I trust her. But I want it to work.
What to-do?
I’m 23 now and have a girlfriend of 27 who I met about 3 months ago. And it’s a sort of surreal problem I have with her. Two weeks after I met her she gave us a text and said she had a little boy which stunned me to a certain extent because I totally wasn’t expecting to hear it. I decided that this wasn’t a problem for me and told her this. Now saying I didn’t have a problem with it was not really near the truth. I always thought it was something I could work on and it would ease after time. And it has but far from any length I want it to.
I’m sat here now thinking I met this girl who is quite stunning and I really enjoy spending time with her and I think I love her. Now we have this relationship that started in the first month where she told me she really did love me. And I started believing it myself and I think I do. But she leads a rather complicated life. She’s close to her family in a big way. Her mum and dad have split and has a sister. Now her sister is some mega bitch the same age as me. She has no friends and is always clinging onto my girlfriend. Whenever I’m out my girlfriend will be there with her sis.
She tends to cancel on me a lot and I’m always thinking it’s the most amazing of excuses she gives but swears by them every time. Mostly she leaves it till the last minute and then says she can’t come.
We have a good sex life but the other night she rejected me half way through because a few days before I came out and said “I don’t really trust you” and we talked about it. So I was fine with that but was quite pissed off inside at the time.
A month ago I met an ex of hers out in a club and he came and sat next to me and said “I heard you wanted to beat me up” and I said “no, you’re a stranger to me, why on earth would I want to-do that you daft bugger?” And he said that my girlfriend txt him when he was slagging me off and said this. I assured him this was not the case so we sat down and had a drink. He started telling me and warning me in a way about how my girlfriend (his ex) was un-trustworthy and she would say anything to get what she wants and the thing that scared me was I could relate to this. He also said to me that he thought her and the father of her child were still living together.
So I spoke to her about this and she denied it out and out and she was also a little down because it was ruining us. A week later we were still having problems and was just saying to her “well, I didn’t ask for this darling” and she said the exact same back. Then I went for a drink with my mate and it seems her bitch of a sister had told him that my girlfriend was living with the father of her child and it was only a matter of time till they got back together. Of course she denied this but I know my mate is not lying cos I trust him.
Want to make this as short as possible but its really complicated too and getting me down and I cant function while its on my mind. We have talked about it and she said she would make much more time for me. But the same things are happening. I arrange to meet her and she either cancels on me or puts it off for an age meaning we have like 2 hours together. We are great when we are together but it’s the times we are not. I get the feeling I’m not high in her pecking order no matter what she says. I don’t think I trust her. But I want it to work.
What to-do?
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Comments
Are yo sure your girlfriend is 27? she really does seem like she needs to grow up big style. I mean the situation with her ex just seems like a thing a 13 year old would do.
I am also having troubles at the moment, but annoying really but we all have them.
There is not a lot i can suggest to you really just the fact that you have spoken to her and she seems to have ignored you, her sister sounds like a bitch and it sounds difficult to get along.
I think you really need to tell her that if it is not sorted soon you will be giving up, i think its down to her really!
My bird said she didnt say that thou...
So its down to trust!
I know its hard now but this is only likely to get worse its been a few months now and to be honest i cannot see it getting better rom what you have told me.
If it was not her who told her ex about you who was it? and either way i dont see any of her behaviour as being that of a 27 year old. I know 19 year olds who act more mature than she seems to.
There have been a few lack of trust issues in your story, and to me i would have been fed up weeks ago, either its her sister trying to stop you from getting close so is making up stories, or she is REALLY living with the father of the baby and is LYING to you. Either way you need to get some true answers to this and work from there!
You or your friend could casually drive/walk past (in a non stalker like way!) and see if you see anything that would confirm what you think.
I think you should end this relationship because you dont accept her little boy, never mind any of the other complicated issues. Its certainly weird that you dont know who she lives with. I wouldnt trust her either, and it doesnt sound like shes giving much away, which isnt a good basis for a relationship.
After I went round to her flat while she was still out on new years eve and the ex answered the door. I prepared myself for the fact of getting beaten up but wanted to know what was going on.
He pretty much told me they were very much on and off and he was also sleeping in her double bed which I saw with their son. He told me they were sharing the same bed and have slept together within the 3 months we have been together. I have slept with her in that bed before. ƒ¼
She told me she made him sleep on the spare bed in their son¡¦s room. After hearing this from him I went back and had no other option but to break up with her. And met her last night to see if we could still be friends. She admitted to me he was still living with her and gave me the reason he has had nowhere to go and cant afford a new place.
She also asked me if I wanted to go and see her dad and confirm all she had been saying to me and I said ok.
So we went round there and he told me what a jealous soul this ex of hers really is. And has wanted to get back with her for years. This is also what she told me when I brought up the fact he said they were on and off but both him and her wanted to make it work and according to him they both still loved each other.
What todo now?
Any questions to make it clearer are welcome folks¡K
1. You can't come to terms with her having a son.
2. She is living in this weird set up with her ex, who may or may not be a psycho.
3. You've only known her, what, three, four months, so it isn't a long term relationship.
Based on the above I'd really say cut your losses and find someone who can give you the relationship you want. Unless you enjoy the drama or something. Cause I can't really see any other reason you'd stick around.
Also I agree with Rainbow Brite. I feel sorry for the little boy, it must be confusing for him.
My advice - run for the hills.
Im meeting her in a month from now to discuss certain things.
If her situation has changed then who knows but it looks like the fact she lied to me is going to be to much to take.
If you lie once you lie again right?
She sounds like a complete liar to me & is not to be trusted. Best off out of there.
You are best off out of this, because it sounds like you are just being played with.
Even if the "ex" can't find another place to live, he still shouldn't be sharing the bed.