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Disaster date
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
This is probably a bit full on for my 2nd post but I hope no one minds, I have not told a single soul about this and need to get it off my chest!
I met a guy the other weekend and we sort of did a pash'n'dash with plans to go on a date during the week. Well that was last week...we organised to meet somewhere, then went and had a light meal and everything was great. Good conversation, really comfortable and lots of flirting/fireworks. Anyway we went for a walk outside but it was freezing cold so we reatreated back to the car. It was too late (at night) to go see a movie and everything was closing, yet it was sorta too early to finish the date so he asked if I want to head back to his place. I laughed and hesitated...which he picked up on and we joked about...but the overall feeling was pretty positive and I didn't feel worried about going there, so off we went.
Soooo we get there and I have a look around, we chat for a bit and watched TV sitting/laying on his bed. Anyway before you know it we're kissing and one thing led to another quite quickly. It was feeling right so he went to get a condom and while he was away I began to freak out, thinking ohmigod I'll sleep with him and then never hear from him again, you're not supposed to sleep together on the first date yadayadayada. He gets back and climbs on the bed, only to start laughing nervously and go all quiet....turns out he'd gone soft and lost his erection.
At this stage I guess we both start freaking out, I start babbling about how maybe we shouldn't have rushed things and we should slow it down, he's sort of there all quiet and then tries to get me back in the mood of doing it by touching me and we sort of eventually just end up laying there side by side, very very quiet
Awkward conversation follows which leads to me going home after a kiss goodnight and saying stuff about the next time we see each other.
I gave him some space cos I wasn't sure of what to do and followed it up with an SMS a few days later. We send a few more messages back and forth and basically organise to go on another date but he never replies with a day/time. So I leave it a few more days, agonising over what to do and then call him and lay it on the line....to which he says he's really keen to see me and we organise a date (again he promises to call me on a certain night to organise the day/time). That was the other night and he never called
I know we both messed up big time on the first date but I really liked him and just wanted a second chance without the sex (or lack thereof) part. Do you think he's avoiding me because of the erection problem or because I changed my mind about sex? I'm just really down because the date was awesome until that point and I'm kicking myself for getting into that situation in the first place! We had such good chemistry and are both really attracted to one another
I met a guy the other weekend and we sort of did a pash'n'dash with plans to go on a date during the week. Well that was last week...we organised to meet somewhere, then went and had a light meal and everything was great. Good conversation, really comfortable and lots of flirting/fireworks. Anyway we went for a walk outside but it was freezing cold so we reatreated back to the car. It was too late (at night) to go see a movie and everything was closing, yet it was sorta too early to finish the date so he asked if I want to head back to his place. I laughed and hesitated...which he picked up on and we joked about...but the overall feeling was pretty positive and I didn't feel worried about going there, so off we went.
Soooo we get there and I have a look around, we chat for a bit and watched TV sitting/laying on his bed. Anyway before you know it we're kissing and one thing led to another quite quickly. It was feeling right so he went to get a condom and while he was away I began to freak out, thinking ohmigod I'll sleep with him and then never hear from him again, you're not supposed to sleep together on the first date yadayadayada. He gets back and climbs on the bed, only to start laughing nervously and go all quiet....turns out he'd gone soft and lost his erection.
At this stage I guess we both start freaking out, I start babbling about how maybe we shouldn't have rushed things and we should slow it down, he's sort of there all quiet and then tries to get me back in the mood of doing it by touching me and we sort of eventually just end up laying there side by side, very very quiet
Awkward conversation follows which leads to me going home after a kiss goodnight and saying stuff about the next time we see each other.I gave him some space cos I wasn't sure of what to do and followed it up with an SMS a few days later. We send a few more messages back and forth and basically organise to go on another date but he never replies with a day/time. So I leave it a few more days, agonising over what to do and then call him and lay it on the line....to which he says he's really keen to see me and we organise a date (again he promises to call me on a certain night to organise the day/time). That was the other night and he never called
I know we both messed up big time on the first date but I really liked him and just wanted a second chance without the sex (or lack thereof) part. Do you think he's avoiding me because of the erection problem or because I changed my mind about sex? I'm just really down because the date was awesome until that point and I'm kicking myself for getting into that situation in the first place! We had such good chemistry and are both really attracted to one another
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if i were you id give him 1 last ring and just say something like; "hey. you didnt ring me to arrange a time or place, do you still want to go out?" if he says yes, try saying: "great, hows 8pm at such and such a place" You get the idea - show him you want this second date, and he'll feel more confident. And also, if things look like they'll lead to sex again, mention what happened last time and reassure him about what happened! You both had 1st time (with each other, or 1st time ever) nerves, its just that on blokes this shows itself physically!
Good luck, and if he says he doesnt want to see you again, then remember the amaing date u had together!!
SBG
Probably both. I can totally understand him being embarrassed about the losing an erection. If I was sleeping with someone for the first time and lost my erection, I would be incredibly embarrassed. Ask this guy if he's still interested in you. If he is, or you think he is but he's too embarrassed to say so, just tell him you're not bothered about the erection incident.
* On another note, may I say well done to this guy for having the decency to get hold of a condom rather than jump straight into bed with you.
I did call him last night and after a while said basically 'Do you want to go out again or not, either way its cool' and he was like 'Yeah yeah I'm keen, what do you wanna do?' and everytime I asked whether he was interested still he said he was, yet when I proposed a day/time he would have this awkward silence and said that he wasn't sure because of work. I don't understand why he didn't just come out and say he didn't want to see me, especially when I asked! I was really cool and casual about it, so he shouldn't have been intimidated to tell the truth, unless he really is gutless
I just wish I knew if it was because of the first date or because he doesn't like me that much! Why can't we travel back in time to fix these things!?
Totally sympathise with miss marsh. The guy is acting like a wab.
I agree with you! I've been so understanding and casual since it happened, not pressuring him, giving him plenty of space and have done all the chasing since the date....all he's done is continue to reply to my messages/call and lead me on! If he's really that devastated about the date he should have just ignored me full stop, not tell me he wants to see me and then never come through
You babble on about "regretting rushing it".
You rush off home.
You give him lots of "space" and don't push him into being decisive.
Of COURSE he's going to be nervous about getting back in touch. With those signals I wouldn't be getting back in touch either.
Your understanding of the male pysche is obviously hovering somewhere around zero then.
You obviously don't understand just how embarrassing it is to lose an hard-on, only to have it compounded by the girl running off home PDQ.
Clearly.
She doesn't sound like she has to me, but there you go.
Quite often they do, actually. Shame is one of the strongest emotions, as any fule kno.
Of course he should "get over it", but it's never that simple, is it?
I'd give up on the bloke though, if he's being like this. Plenty more fish in the sea, let him wallow if he wants. I don't blame him for wallowing and feeling really embarrassed, but sometimes it's just not worth the effort.
I think you're wrong
I didn't rush off home either, we sorta lay there for a while next to each other and chatted. It was slightly awkward, I was stroking his arm/back but he had his back to me the whole time and when he got up, I got up and got dressed, he walked me out to my car and we chatted more and kissed goodnight.
As for the post date follow up, I left it initially a couple of days longer because I didn't know what to do....it was obvious he wasn't going to be the one to initiate contact and I wanted to make sure I got it right. I thanked him for the date and mentioned I had a good time and never once again brought up what happened.
I feel I did push him into being decisive, during the phone call I asked him point blank whether he wanted to see me to which he responded 'Yeah yeah I'm keen, what do you want to do?'. I also then tried to make an arrangement for the date/time but he was the one being indecisive about the date (obviously because he lied and didn't actually want to go out)
I thought maybe I had been a bit of a starfish and he'd lost it from my lack of tricks
I know its for the best if he let you know where you stand but some people can't seem to find the right words to let someone down gently, he might be hoping you get the message and leave him alone.
Forget about him, you've let him know your interested, if he doesn't ring you then move on.