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mens feelings and rape
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
i dont really know how to write this so im just going to say it. my (now ex) gurlfriend was raped last year and after i knew that some1 had raped her i couldnt touch her any more. i didnt want her any more. i feel so ashamed of myself for not supporting her and in the end it was her supporting me until she couldnt take the strain any more and left me. why did i feel like this?? i know she was still the same person but in my head it turned her into someone i couldnt desiyre any more
please dont shout at me for feeling like this coz i hate myself for it already. is this unnatural??
please dont shout at me for feeling like this coz i hate myself for it already. is this unnatural??
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Comments
Nobody is going to hate you for saying how you feel.
The answer to your question is :no: - it's not unnatural. I'm sure it was a very difficult situation for the both of you to deal with. It's quite probable that every time you looked at her, you saw what had happened to her... and you didn't know how to deal with it - THAT IS NATURAL! You don't have to feel ashamed or guilty that you "couldn't support her" - it's an absolutly awful event for anyone to have to go through, and would certinaly take it's toll on any relationship.
Sorry if that doesnt do much other than upset you.
I dont suppose you two are still friends are you? you seem like a nice person and it'd be a shame to lose everything with this girl...
Peace
It's not anger at her, as such, but there's anger at what happened to her and that can manifest itself as not being able to fancy her, or actually being angry with her.
I don't think the reaction you did was unnatural. I think you should just pull yourself together and support her, even if you are breakin up under akward circumstances. I hope you're both alright.
i just cant forgive myself for letting her down so badly, i feel like i must be freak for reacting like that. i should have been protecting her not being revollted. it was like she was a different person afterwards, an unclean person. do you truly think that its normal to feel like that, to be disgusted about touching your own girlfreind??
i suppose what im really asking is would your gurlfriend being raped change your feelings for her and how you see her?? it was so irrashonal but i felt like sex with her after would make me unclean like the rapist had contaminated me as well.
Just treat her as the normal person she is. Stop apologising and going on about it. The fact she is a rape survivor doesnt define who she is as a person but it seems thats all you think about when you think of her. If that is true then you wont be much use to her as a friend so just let it go.