If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Options
This isn't good
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Basically I am at uni in Exeter. The girl i liked back home is at uni in the midlands. People say there was "chemistry" between us though the most confident i ever got with her was getting a slow dance once a few weeks before we departed to go to uni.
The bad thing is that I still like her. Even though I havn't seen her for 2 months though we still stay in touch. I just don't get why i still have these feelings. Even if something could happen it wouldnt work the distance would be far too great. Hell she has even spoken to me about "guy problems" since she has been at uni. However I still really like her, i think it is clouding me talking to and meeting and getting..close..like that to girls at uni.
I don't know what I should do or why this is happening
The bad thing is that I still like her. Even though I havn't seen her for 2 months though we still stay in touch. I just don't get why i still have these feelings. Even if something could happen it wouldnt work the distance would be far too great. Hell she has even spoken to me about "guy problems" since she has been at uni. However I still really like her, i think it is clouding me talking to and meeting and getting..close..like that to girls at uni.
I don't know what I should do or why this is happening
0
Comments
you always want to know why you like someone and why you haven't got over them. if you've got nothing new to focus on, then of course you'll still like "past" flames, it's wishful thinking, dreams.
there isn't much you can do. it happens because it wants to. you can either ask her out, or just set it aside and say yeh, i like her, but can't have her at the moment, and concentrate on ur life in hand.
STOP EFFIN OVERTHINKING
I admit that there isn't anyone I like here, but I think this is because I am still stuck on her. Ideally I would like to say something to her but there just is not any point. If i do something I prefer to do it in person. Though that probably won't go to well either.
I just don't see the point of trying. Even if she did feel the she would be 200 miles away at least
if you are one of those people who's thought processes always give over to abstract rationalisation, try to remember that love and attraction are not in themselves subject to reason. The generation of emotive impulses does not runt through the filter of reason; so yeah stop thinking it to death.
I dont mean do not consider your actions and their consequences; but action is different from feeling. Emotions and passions motivate actions, and it is these which are subject to reasoning, not the emotions themselves.
Dude; if you really feel this way about this girl, decide what you FEEL, not what you think.
If you still like her, get on a train and go and see her; worry about the long distance thing later.
thats my feeling anyway, act on your emotions on this one :thumb:
Trains cost money
What stopped me from taking the chance I thought i might have had was fear of messing things up, we are good friends and I fear losing that. Also I don't think i can take rejection welli see to fear it..
In the mean time, you both live separate lives. Christmas will clear that one up for you - things are NEVER gonna be the same as the summer after A Levels because you all have your own little lives at Uni now. SO many people I know have been hung up on people they knew from home and it's just not worth it. Long distance is a bitch and rarely works.
Be very careful before you declare your love for her - you don't know how she feels about long-distance relationships, you play no part in her Uni life (relatively) and for all you know she may have a boyfriend (my friends from home didn't know about my boyfriend for the first 8 months).
I get the feeling you read into things too much as was commented on by Martin_Bashir - a slow dance means nothing to me as a girl, I'll slow dance with anyone who asks nicely but at the end of the day it doesn't mean I fancy them, it doesn't mean I'd even consider leaving my boyfriend for them, it doesn't mean I want anything more than a quick dance....
Oh and a student railcard is only £20 and is well worth having, which reminds me, I need to get a new one for Christmas...
The thing is, I don't think it could work as a long distance relationship especially seeing as I have only ever had one very short lived relationship that was just under a year ago. Maybe I am just thinking about her so much because I havn't been seeing her. I will just see how things are over Christmas.
what has that got to do with anything? everyones got to start somewhere
I don't know what I am doing? I think it would be especially hard for me to have a long distance relationship.
what have you got to lose by asking? shes far enough away not to have to see her every day and be embarassed if she says no
you will never get anywhere if you over analyse.
you're throwing up loads of objections, so yeah if you do that it's not going to work.
you're not listening to anyone's advice at all. if you're not going to take people's advice, don't ask for it!
Im afraid i have to agree with you.
I know relationships arent the easiest of things to have at anytime, but you cant run scared from them the whole time. Yes distance does make things difficult, but if you dont ask then you dont know what could ahppen. You cant expect a girl to do all the work, you have to make the effort as well
Absolutly, it's a really offensive and disrespectful thing to do.
Moping doesn't get anybody anywhere. If it's affecting you as badly as you say it is then you've got to do something about it. Either talk to her and maybe even give it a go long distance, or put her out of your mind and force yourself to start viewing other girls as potentials too, not just sizing them up against someone who you aren't even going to try and make it work with.
oh and by the way, it's easy to get a YP railcard. and £40 return trip is not much at all.
Lets not count our eggs before they hatch....or....something
Try looking into good old National Express - the student coach card is only £10 and the journeys are often a hell of a lot cheaper than trains....
but isn't that what you wanted by posting the whole thread in the first place? to sort things out? nobody has assumed anything, they're giving you advice on what to do in the situation you're in.
And everything we say here is what helena would say to you were you still seeing her.
Personally no, I don't think it would work. Though it depends on attraction, on money, on contact. I would normally say that "it's always worth a stab", but sometimes it isn't. Which I presume you think now.
Don't dwell on the "waht if" though: if you HAD got together you'd still ahve the same obstacles.
if you wanted to ask me out.. just ask! GOD!
:razz:
no.. but seriously... who knows if she digs you back or not??
you HAVE to ask...
and i agree that it would be better done in person... but maybe while you talk to her on the phone.. you can start giving subtle hints.. and just pay attention to her reactions when you do...
most DEFINITELY go for it though!
the worst that will happen is that she'll turn you down.. and things will be awkward for a little while...
but IF that happens.. it could just be the timing...
but if everyone is telling you that there's chemistry.. i would pay attention to them.. b/c people on the "outside" are better at noticing things...
basically.. don't be such a wimp.. and GO FOR IT!!!
I havn't spoken to any mates on the phone since being here :no:
I am not going to just jump in though, I will judge what I am going to do by how things go when I see her again. It's not like we are not in contact though we speak over msn messenger everyday and when she went to uni (she went a week or so before me) she emailed me which was nice and unexpected.
However there is a school of thought that she woud already know. My friends say it was obvious, her friends said it was quite obvious people at work said it was obvious (we worked together) so if it was *that* obvious and she liked me back surely she would have said something? Though it is guys who are supposed to do these things i guess...