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self harm

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
HELP!!!! Ok i know i'm a newbie but i really need some help.

I have a friend who self harms and we really don't know what to do to help her. Shes got loads of family problems and i think thats the main reason she cuts herself but we don't know how to help her. She used to cut herself in year 8 and had to see a pychiatrist which helped a bit i think. Now shes started again and she keeps saying she will stop and this is the last time, but she keeps doing it to herself. Now shes started talking about suicide as that would be the best option.
We don't know whether we should tell someone at college or whether that would make things worse. What do we do? Her mum knows i think but just pretends its not happening, her dad is the reason she cuts herself. She had to go to the doctor in the summer coz she'd lost so much weight that her mum had to take her to the doctor as she couldn't pretend that nothing was wrong and she has to keep going back to be weighed coz they are worried she might be anorexic.

Sorry if this makes no sense but we don't know what to do and are scared we might say the wrong thing and make things worse. What do we do?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    OK, i know nothing about self harm but I realsise she must feel she has no way out and that she is confined.

    IMO depression is caused by troubles surrounding you and getting bored with all the things in life you like (feel like you've got nothing left)

    All I can say is get her out somewhere, the country side, take her somewhere new, open her mind to more peaceful places and let her get her head straight. Sometimes you cant really see well if you in the cloud so get her to take a step out of the cloud and take a look at things from above and get her to think positive and take things one step at a time.

    sorry, started talking bollocks there, but just get her away from it all for a while if you can, worked for me.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    as another friend i thought id just say shes also a manic depressive, and she tried to stop taking her drugs a while ago, but her mum found out and made her take them again. but all i know is she also has another friend who keeps trying to kill herself and its not helping and i dont think my general mood is helping either. should we tell someone? i dont like this at all, she has to hold her family together and its putting strain onto her, she doesnt need it at all and she cant cope, but she wants to be strong. she also wants a solution and i know she isnt going to find that anywhere. its a hard fact. but i cant just sit and watch.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    all of those things sound like the problems that i was thinking of. Like I said try and get her away from it all, a break or holiday maybe. And keep her away from any problems.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I no wat this girls going through and its not nice. She is obviously deeply unhappy, but the one good thing is that she has some decent friends around her.
    I think this girl is crying out for some help and thats wat she really needs here. U said she is already seeing a docter about her weight, well that is a good thing too because at least they r keeping an eye on that side of things. I think that u should encourage her to talk to her docter about getting further help, like seeing a counseller/phsychiatrist and getting to the root of the problem. If she carrus on like this this then maybe the best option would be for her to go into hospital, but Im sure if the docter is already aware of her situtation then that will b done through him/her.
    It must be really hard seeing her like this, I think the best thing u can do is be there for her and listen to her when she needs to talk. Maybe u could have a chat with her mum if u think she isnt facing her daughters problems. If not u could tell someone at college and they will most likely talk to her mum anyway.
    I really hope this girl gets the help she needs before its too late, she has got some really great friends though <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by nasty_harry:
    IMO depression is caused by troubles surrounding you and getting bored with all the things in life you like (feel like you've got nothing left)

    For one minute harry I amost missed ya and wondered how you were doing but now seeing that "opinion" I realise I was a fool. Harry I'll tell ya one last time, as I've told you a couple of times on yahoo. Depression is more than that, depression is a living hell. It takes more than a nice "outing" to the country to change the way someone feels. Depression can only be treated with proper medical attention, drugs and psychiatry/psychological/therapuetic help. And even then it's a long and difficult battle, from which whether you truly recover is debateable, but you can survive. I'm sure there are a few people who've known me this last year during my hospitalisation, and think that I've been in hospital I've taken my meds, I must be cured !! well news flash for anyone who thinks that's what it takes to cure depression, you're wrong. I am still ill as are all my firends I made, there is nop quick fix.

    It is estimated that depressive illnesses will grow so rapidly in the next few years that suicide will be the worlds biggest killer, bigger than cancer or aids.

    Sunflower here are a couple of links to previous topics that might help.
    Suicide

    My Friend

    Self Esteem

    Beating Self Harm

    Self Harm

    If there's anything else I can do, just ask.
    Good luck to both of you, your friends are lucky to have a good friend like you both. It's difficult to watch a friend hurting themselves in the ways yours are, but being there for them is all you can do.

    Take care
    Luk

    The river is wide and oh so deep. I've been walking around in tears, No answers arethere to get. Cause between this world and eternity there is a face I hope to see
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sorry LUKA <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt;

    I've never been through bad depression, the worst I've had is drug comedowns where focusing on the positive things really helps.

    Well I with you good luck with your friends sunflower.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by LUKA:
    For one minute harry I amost missed ya and wondered how you were doing but now seeing that "opinion" I realise I was a fool. Harry I'll tell ya one last time, as I've told you a couple of times on yahoo. Depression is more than that, depression is a living hell. It takes more than a nice "outing" to the country to change the way someone feels. Depression can only be treated with proper medical attention, drugs and psychiatry/psychological/therapuetic help. And even then it's a long and difficult battle, from which whether you truly recover is debateable, but you can survive. I'm sure there are a few people who've known me this last year during my hospitalisation, and think that I've been in hospital I've taken my meds, I must be cured !! well news flash for anyone who thinks that's what it takes to cure depression, you're wrong. I am still ill as are all my firends I made, there is nop quick fix.

    It is estimated that depressive illnesses will grow so rapidly in the next few years that suicide will be the worlds biggest killer, bigger than cancer or aids.


    I was waiting for this Luk & I'm glad you wrote it, I couldn't think of the right words to put.

    j9


    I had a life once, but I stopped feeding it so one day it just walked away.

    MTS ^5 ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by j9:
    I was waiting for this Luk & I'm glad you wrote it, I couldn't think of the right words to put.

    j9



    Yea same here, glad u did that luka <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have to agree with everything Luka sed.

    Encourage her to seek help, she is obviously feeling very distressed and if psychiatry worked b4 then it probably can help her again.

    Persuade her to go to her GP who can help her by referrin her to someone and/or putting her on anti-depressants.

    No offense, but in my experience there is not much that a mate can do other than support u.

    Professional help is where its at.

    I hope things get better, let us know <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road. Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by nasty_harry:
    sorry LUKA <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt;

    apology accepted Harry thank you <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt; we'll leave it at that

    Luk

    The river is wide and oh so deep. I've been walking around in tears, No answers arethere to get. Cause between this world and eternity there is a face I hope to see
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru

    Thanks for all your advice <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">. A couple of my friends have gone to see the college councellor about her (I'm not at their college) but she found out and now is really pissed off with them. I made her cry by saying that she shouldn't kill herself coz she couldn't leave her little brother in the situation. I just wanted her to see how her killing herself would affect other people coz her little bro loves her so much. But it just seems like everything we say or do makes everything worse.


    But... a big problem is this girl shes become friends with this year in college who also cuts herself and she just seems to be encouraging my friend to hurt herself. I know that sound so stupid amd unreal but its true. This other girl seems to be convincing her that suicide is a good option and as fast as we tell her its not a good idea this other girl is telling us we just don't understand (and i know we don't really understand)but she isn't helping the situation at all.

    We keep trying to make her see that it has to get better even if that won't be till she leaves home but she says she can't cope any longer.

    One of the suggestions was to get her way from the situation, and Luka i really don't mean to offend u or anything, but do u think it would help? If we organised a holiday in the summer so she has something to look forward to. I know it probably won't do much but its being at home that is making her so upset and its so scarey coz she keeps saying she is going to kill herself to get away from it.

    Sorry this is more of a moan than a proper post but I just feel so out of my depth here.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by sunflower:
    Sorry this is more of a moan than a proper post but I just feel so out of my depth here.

    Hey, I know exactly how you feel. If you've read the 'My Friend' topic then you'll see that I'm in the same position as you...you feel like theres nothing you can do don't you? But you've just got to be there for her. Thats all you can really do. I know its hard, cos I feel like I want to do more, but I don't know what.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ElisaKate thats exactly how i feel!
    I just hope everything works out ok for both our friends <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;
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