Grief Counselling

Former Member

I've heard of grief counselling what some people go to when someone dies and they're finding it hard. I was just wondering...does it work? What does it actually do? I mean I don't really see how talking to a counsellor can help, I suppose you can't say until you've tried it, but...

Has anyone been? Or has anyone any idea what it entails? Any help would be appreciated. <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

Former Member

I haven't had any "grief counselling" per se, but I have been seeing a counsellor. My dad died in September (one of seven deaths in the past year), and speaking to a counsellor does help. I was very frustrated at first, and angry with my friends because they believed the "I'm okay <IMG SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">" act that I was putting on. I was acting "okay" but I was thinking "How could I possibly be okay?? how could they believe this shit??"

Counselling helped me understand their reactions, and it helped me evaluate the new family dynamic now that my dad is gone. There's more to losing someone than just feeling the loss, which comes and goes in waves. You have to rebalance the remaining family, redistribute power and shift blame and responsibility. Somehow, things that always worked one way suddenly don't anymore and it took a bit of couselling to realize that the way I'd perceived things for years was not the true situation.

Grieving is hard work. I try to avoid it. Seeing a counsellor gives me a space to think about it, and to get my head round it without feeling like I'm burdening my friends. They're there for me too, of course, but a trained counsellor is better equipped to handle the really tough situations. I had a nice distraction this term--got myself a boyfriend.. first love too. Does amazing things for wiping away the grief. But now I've been dumped and the grief is coming back.. It never left, but I was so wrapped up in what was going on *this moment* that I wasn't dealing with the grief. I would have completely ignored it and shoved it into a back corner of my mind if I hadn't been seeing a counsellor.

I think, if you can stick through the first stage of frustration and feeling like you're not getting anywhere, like all the talking isn't helping, counselling will do a lot of good. I think part of the frustration comes from the whole feeling of helplessness. "There's nothing I can do about losing someone I love." "There's nothing I can do to make this feeling go away." "Nothing I can do to make it better, so why bother?" Don't give in to those kinds of feelings, because you are NOT helpless. It's taken me a while to realize this. Over 5 months, but I think it would have taken even longer without counselling.

Best of luck, and if you need to talk, message me!
xx
Nikki

Former Member

aaaawwww *hugs FieryFirenze and Nikki*

Former Member

Awww.

*joins in the group hug*

*offers a virtual cup of tea*

*and a virtual biscuit*

Former Member

Aww thank you.

Thanks Nikki, that helped a lot. My doctor suggested grief counselling but I really don't see how it can help. I guess I can just try it and see how it goes.

Former Member

Thanks guys. <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> You give good hugs. It helps a lot to know that there are people there just to listen. And there are many people around here who have had similar experiences, so feel free to talk to us. <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

*hugs to all*

Former Member

I think that people in general have problems helping their friends and family through grieve.

My friends cousin died in the WTC attack, and I kept asking her how she was, and she said that it was something that she needed. When my grandmother died 2 weeks ago (seems like yesterday and ages ago in one time), she was the one who came to the funeral and the one that asks me how I am doing.

I understand where you are coming from Nikki. I was also mad at my friends for not calling me, or asking me how things were, but just assuming that because I came back to school, I was capable to go on as usual.

I think that counselling is a good thing. Though some places it's still seems to be a tabu. Counselling should be used a lot more, in a lot of cases, I think.

Edited cause I made some mistakes, DUUH! <IMG SRC="wink.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

[ 06-03-2002: Message edited by: Jacqueline the Ripper ]

Former Member

Well basically, they talk to you about what it is that bothers you. In a way, it helped me, though I found cognitive therapy a lot more helpful.

Grief councilling, I'd imagine is interpersonal therapy. It does help with the issue, talking always helps.

Former Member

I wish you all the best, i lost my dad 2/3 years ago & still havent realy come to terms with it as i always said "im fine" & everyone believed me. I know what you mean about people thinking that all is fine when you feel like just saying "someone listen".
Anyway its helped alot now as i am with someone who really listens to me & when i say "im fine" doesnt shrug it off & in a way makes me talk....which i need.
Hang in there, it has taken me alot longer than most as i felt noone would listen but im getting there now.
It is hard but can & will get there.

*Hugs*