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Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hello everyone, I'm new. Sorry for posting another thread about depression, you probably get loads like this <IMG SRC="frown.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

For a few months now I've been feeling constantly down, I think I may be depressed. I have frequent thoughts of suicide but I don't want to try to commit suicide as I'm
scared it might not work properly. I have also cut myself in the past, and did it the other day, the worst time I've done it ever. Usually when I cut myself I don't cut deep
and I can feel the pain. But yesterday, I felt really strange, kind of like I was going
crazy. I got a razor and cut myself, and I
hardly felt any pain. But when I stopped and looked at my arm there was so much
more blood than usual! I was quite scared that I could do so much damage without
realising it.

I also have low self-esteem and no confidence. I hate being around other people as I think that anything I say is stupid, or boring, so I just never talk to other people. I also get really paranoid that they're just using me, laughing at me, or trying to make me say
or do something stupid.

I would like to talk about my feelings, but I don't want to sound like I'm moaning about nothing, and my friends all laugh about people who self harm, or bitch about them like they're idiots, or think that they just do it for attention, to show off. They think I'm strange enough already, so I don't want to tell them anything.

My mum has seen my cuts in the past and has tried to find out why I feel so depressed, but I don't know, so I tell her that and she just gets in a bad mood with me or just says 'Oh, don't say things like that, cheer up!' or 'oh...well...I don't know what to say about that.'

I sometimes think I'm not depressed though, as I don't have any reasons to be depressed, I just hate myself. But I hate feeling like this, I want to be happier. I don't really want to tell my doctor as I don't feel comfortable around him and I think he would just say there's nothing wrong with me, but I would like to see a doctor, just not the one I have now.

So, erm, what do I do?
Thank you for reading this by the way.
*Munchkin girl*


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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Arr sounds like uve got it bad @ the moment, but hey ur not alone there is always ppl willing 2 listen & b there 2 help u get through it, u dont have 2 b on ur own! Ive been there i no how hard it is, but the diffrence is i acctually attempted it & it didnt work, but lookin bk on it now i guess thats a good fing, everything is better, it took alot of time & effort tho & i found out who my real friends are! Is there like a councellor @ skool u cud go & have a chat wif? Have u gotta close friend u can confind in? Well u can email me or PM me, im here if u need a chat, ive been there & im here 2 prove that u can get thru it, just need great suport @ the beging. which i didnt have! take care! dont do nefin stupid plz, its not worth it! U can get thru it!
    I promise <IMG SRC="tongue.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Please, suicide or self-harm achieves nothing, one of my friends has just committed suicide and it is the most pointless hurtful and stupid thing to do.

    Talk to your friends, parents or a counsellor or even us guys!!! thesite.org is buzzing with people who want to listen
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you can switch to a different doctor if you're not happy.

    i did, and my new doc is brilliant. he's really easy to talk to and he will try anything to help me out...

    see, the good thing about depression, if that's what you have, is that it's an illness, a chemical imabalance, and so it can be treated.

    There are people that can help you. You just have to take the first step.

    I've had depression since I was about 9 (I'm 21 now) and it was untreated til I was 16. And getting your life back is the best feeling in the world. Don't be ashamed of seeing a doctor, cause if it improves your quality of life, it's worth it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru

    You are definitely not alone. We have lots of resources here:
    http://www.thesite.org/info/health/depression/ http://www.thesite.org/info/health/depression/feeling_suicidal.html http://www.thesite.org/info/health/other_mental_health/self_harm.html

    And a mental health magazine: http://www.thesite.org/magazine/specials_mental_health/

    You will also find lots of people on these boards who have had similar experiences, and who won't judge you.

    As always, the simplest and most effective thing to do is to make an appointment to see your GP as soon as you can. A quarter of appointments in the average doctor's surgery are about things like this.

    Hope you feel better soon.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for your replies.
    My dad thinks that my main problem is that I have no confidence, and thinks that I should go to a hypnotherapist, as he saw a leaflet about it. I'm not too sure about this though, I don't know if it would change much. What do you people think?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just read your post and u remind me sooo so much of me. i just want you to know that there are people out there who are going thru the same as u are... i never believed it myself but reading ur post was like reading something i wud have written a few months ago. I really think you should go see someone about this. there are people that can help you. i'm not saying its gonna be easy. im still trying to work thru it and its the hardest thing ive ever done but I have had a glimpse of what it is like to be happy and thats what im working towards now.
    Take Care of yourself and if u wanna e-mail me feel free. Even if u just wanna get some stuff off your chest.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Im sorry to hear about your feelings munchkin girl. ure not alone though. i know where you've been and i know where it can lead. im going to post a topic about what ive gone through. it will help you talking to other people who really understand. forget the doctors. they havent got a clue. if you know other people are having similar feelings then you'll realise you're not abnormal and you've not done anything wrong. that will boost your confidence for a start. if you'd like to talk, email me. my address is mancmanomyst@hotmail.com

    good luck! mancmanomyst@hotmail.com
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