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what to do?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
my girlfriend of about a month who i liked so much just told me something about her.
to cut a long story short she was raped by a friends relative who was over from another country and was 21 and she is 14. she was really scared and think she fainted as he was taking advantage of her and doesnt know if he used protection or not but hasnt had her period since this happend (the start of summer). she hasnt had it checked out though, which im quite worried about.
anyone help me with what we can do?
to cut a long story short she was raped by a friends relative who was over from another country and was 21 and she is 14. she was really scared and think she fainted as he was taking advantage of her and doesnt know if he used protection or not but hasnt had her period since this happend (the start of summer). she hasnt had it checked out though, which im quite worried about.
anyone help me with what we can do?
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and she should speak to some people, like rape helpliine thing
maybe the police
Of course this is up to your girlfriend. She may not want to press charges as she is obviously scared and confused by the whole ordeal. Talk to her about it and tell her that she should tell someone.
She really should take a pregnancy test. If she hasn't had her period since the start of the summer and she's unsure about whether protection was used it's quite possible that she could be pregnant. You can buy a pregnancy test from your local chemist or go to your doctor.
She should also think about going to get herself checked out for STIs. She could go to her doctor and ask about this or go to her local GUM clinic. It'll be a scary experience but atleast it'll put her mind at ease.
Lastly I hope that you will offer her lots of support. You said that you 'liked' her...don't let something like this change your opinion and make you not like her. Something happened that was out of her control and she really needs you to be there for her. She's had the courage to tell you this so please stand by her.
Hope everything goes ok for you both
Secondly, you need to re-assure your friend that you are there for her. It took a lot of courage for her to tell anyone, and you need to make sure that this courage is rewarded. Don't pressurise her to seek professional help, as quite often a trusting friend's ear is enough, but do suggest that she looks at the opportunities for help.
For both you and your friend, these are the details for Rape Crisis.
yeah i know ill stand by her, im the only one shes told and i couldnt live with myself if i let her go through it on her own.
I lifted that from one of the factsheets on TheSite. Obviously they didn't keep the domain subscription.
Have a look at the "info" section of TheSite.
I just ran that through babelfish and it seemed to make sense. I didn't know you were Dutch.
Nice sentiment:)
it is indeed a nice sentiment.
There's the babelfish everyone.
and we're gonna go to a chemist and buy a test thing on wednesday.
would pressing charges be worth it considering the guy lives in australia?
yeah, if the case is strong they can file for extradition charges. Get some advice about it though.
It would depend on a lot of things.
How much proof is there?
Would she be able to face the stress of a court case?
I would discuss it with your local police station or with the CAB.
she says that the guy 'isnt worth it', but i for one dont want him getting away with it. it was her first time too, just seems so bad. im sure when other people eventually find out too they wont be happy about it.
testing tomorrow
Your girlfriend is obviously going through a really tough time at the moment and has all sorts of things to deal with. It might be useful for you to take a look at this Q&A, although the question isn't exactly the same as your girlfriend's situation the answer contains lots of really useful info and links to organisations that can help.
Oh and btw - the national Rape Crisis has closed down, we're in the process of updating all our articles that mention it. It is useful to know that local Rape Crisis Centres are still in operation, you can find one in your area here.
CB
I wish your girl friend all the best and I am very sorry to hear what happened.
Her mental and physical health have to come first, and then you can consider the grounds for litegation.
The Citizen's Advice Bureau, a voluntary body who provide free legal advice. There's one in every town.
Don't pressurise her into reporting him, it has to be her own decision as she is the one who would have to go through the stress of a court trial, if it came to that.
All you can do is be there for her, and take your time with her. If you start having a sexual relationship then that will be the time when she will really need you, as sometimes the victims of rape only really feel the horror when they have loving sexual relations.