getting hard.....

Former Member

Guys (girls whoever) I need advice ! My boyf has recently stopped getting really hard !!! What does this mean ? I thought it was like something to do with me but he assures me its not (i kinda believe him, he's still all over me & he's freaked bout it aswell) Were together over a year now.
Basically he gets hard but not "that" hard + its taking him longer than it used to....obviously im concerned for him but more than anything im really frustrated if u know wot i mean, im trying everything my mates have suggested, blowjob's more often, surprise quickie sex, teasing him all day, getting him to relax more ive even tried getting him to eat better cos a mate said it could be that im all out of idea's What do I do ? has this happened to any1 else ?

Former Member

brewer's droop maybe?

Former Member

The problem will probably be in the head not in the cock, to be quite honest.

Talk to him, but not about the sex. Find out if anything is worrying him or stressing him, and try to reassure him by not making sex a huge issue, and not always trying to tease him inot getting hard. If he has trouble becoming hard a few times he will be worrying about it, and the worry will make it harder for him to become hard. Whilst it seems natural to try to make him hard, the constant efforts to do it will only make him more worried and less likely to get hard.

Just talk to him, cuddle him and reassure him that the sex doesn't matter. Use this time to concentrate on other areas of sex, rather than focusing on penetration, and when the worry levels decrease the hard-ons should come back.

Former Member

Originally posted by Kermit
The problem will probably be in the head not in the cock, to be quite honest.

Talk to him, but not about the sex. Find out if anything is worrying him or stressing him, and try to reassure him by not making sex a huge issue, and not always trying to tease him inot getting hard. If he has trouble becoming hard a few times he will be worrying about it, and the worry will make it harder for him to become hard. Whilst it seems natural to try to make him hard, the constant efforts to do it will only make him more worried and less likely to get hard.

Just talk to him, cuddle him and reassure him that the sex doesn't matter. Use this time to concentrate on other areas of sex, rather than focusing on penetration, and when the worry levels decrease the hard-ons should come back.

Yeah hes right, i used to have a similar problem with my ex girlfriend because i used to not get hard because i wasnt well, but because we tried anyway even when i was well again, i was so worried that i wouldnt get hard, that i didnt, leave it for a while until he starts climbing over you because hes found himself wedged between your living room roof and the sofa.....maybe im being a bit generous to him.

Former Member

He could be tired or stressed. Again like Kermit said, perhaps it's in his head. The more he worries about it the less likely it is to sort itself out.

Former Member

Yeah, it's definitely in the head.

It's happened to me before and sometimes it still happens. And sometimes I get anxious because I wanna do it but I'm tired/not feeling well/stressed. And then because it failed once, even when I'm fine the next time, it's difficult to get hard too. I have one gf who until today still thinks that she doesn't turn me on, although the truth is that she turns me on like hell, but sometimes I just get anxious.. and it's a vicious cycle.

I've learnt to accept it.. I try to prep myself up before sex. Like get relaxed, don't rush into it, drink water first, go to the toilet.. and try to clear my mind. It still happens but because Ive become less anxious about it, it doesn't happen as often.

Also, we used to stop once I've decided I can't get hard. Now, we don't just stop.. we just lie in bed, talk about other things, kiss and just enjoy each other's company. Once I get the feeling that I am not expected to have sex if I can't, that's when it's easier to get hard.

I haven't got an answer but I try not to worry too much about it. It makes matters worse. I just had sex with a full hard-on not too long ago after 2 dismal performances. It's certainly ego-boosting for the both of us. Phew! ;P

Former Member

The most common cause for this is stress. Make sure nothing is worrying him and if it is, sort it out.

Former Member

Thanks guys ! this really helped, he has'nt been well lately, havin tests done for other stuff but he kept telling me it had nothing to do with that, so least i know now that while he realises it or not it's stress & worry thats doing this. Im just gonna leave things be for the moment and talk to him bit more. Thanks again:)

Former Member

yes.. anxiety and stress has a very big rolein how sexually excited, physically a guy can get.

reassure him, try not to make him think it's a serious problem...

it'll get better once he's in a less stressfull envirnoment :yes: