Being Friends

Former Member

I know this is discussed quite a lot, and yes, I've done a search but I was reading answers that weren't very specific.

My ex and I broke up in May and since then we've remained friends but haven't been close. We haven't spoken on the phone, or visited one another at home. In actual fact he has been very 'off' with me a lot of the time and never seemed to want to go beyond superficial conversation. We belong to the same social group so we did see each other at least once a week, but again (and others noticed it too) he was always very aloof but not rude, if that makes sense.

Anyway, this past weekend our whole 'gang' went to the Leeds Festival and we basically spent the whole weekend together. If everyone went off to watch band x then we would go together to watch band y. We got very close and had some lovely hugs and stayed up late talking. I poured my heart out about the way I'd been these past few months, and how I've been having a hard time health wise.

Anyway, we're going out together tomorrow night to 'get a few things sorted' as he put it. He suggested we could be friends the way we both want to be friends but I am so scared that we'll click again and I'll end up hurt. I don't want to end up hurt but I don't want to be without him again. The weekend was absolutely wonderful, I felt whole again. Hmm.

What are your experiences of being friends with your exes?

We were together for five years, and before that we had been friends forever seeing as he lived next door to me for the 20 years of my life before he moved! He was my best friend as well as my boyfriend and the reason we split was because he said he didn't feel the same about me anymore, still loved me but wasn't 'in love' with me.

So, really, after all of this rambling, what I really want are opinions, stories, anecdotes etc about the above and your experiences. Thank you.

Former Member

Obviously not knowing either of you I can't truly judge the situation, but if you take your friendship slowly it'll work. Make sure you don't jump into the deep end and start seeing each other too often, but keep the contact. Try and keep the friendship consistent and make sure you're both very honest and open with each other.

Former Member

I think youre just going to have to take it one step at a time. Dont expect anything. I hope it all goes ok for you.

Former Member

If you think you still like him as a partner, rather than just a mate, then I would highly recommend cooling it as much as possible. You will take every bit of kindness as a "hint" that he wants you back, when he may not do, and all that would do is twist you up in knots.

It depends on whether you can trust yourself to keep the relationship distant enough to be friends, or whether you will sleep with him again the first time you're both drunk and horny.

Former Member

Originally posted by Kermit
or whether you will sleep with him again the first time you're both drunk and horny.

Neither of us were drunk.

It's a difficult one. I'm not sure how I feel all I know is that I feel I need his friendship to make me whole, which is quite sad, but I just can't help the way I feel. I wish life were more simple!

Former Member

Originally posted by BumbleBee
Neither of us were drunk.

Well just horny then:p

It's a difficult one. I'm not sure how I feel all I know is that I feel I need his friendship to make me whole, which is quite sad, but I just can't help the way I feel. I wish life were more simple!

Aye, I know.

I'll send you a PM. I don't like talking on this thing sometimes:)

Former Member

Originally posted by Kermit
I'll send you a PM. I don't like talking on this thing sometimes:)

:thumb: Thanks David

Former Member

Originally posted by BumbleBee
Neither of us were drunk.

It's a difficult one. I'm not sure how I feel all I know is that I feel I need his friendship to make me whole

I used to feel like that about my ex boyfriend. We were together about 19/20 months and it ended due to the fact that he completley out of the blue started 'messing about' with one of my 'close friends'.

At the time i was absolutley gutted and pretty mortified at what at happened i went through it all blaming him blaming her blaming myself etc, i literally begged for him back.
We also shared the same friendship group (my boyfriend, my friend and myself) and it completley rocked the groups dynamics and things have never been the same since, and this Christmas it will be two years since then hmm.

Anyway i really thought i wouldnt get over it and i was trying everything to keep him in my life, being friends being whatvere he wanted even the odd fumble here and there, but i relaised while doing this that it could never really progress to anything more and it wasn't what he or even i really wanted, and by allowing myself to get 'close' to him again like this i was going to have to start all over again with the greiving and getting over him.
So i really suggest that if you want anything slightly more than friends than top keep your distance, i dont mean avoid him tottally but dont over step the friend boundary, and by no means go out of yuor wya to avoid him completley.

It is always going to be hard to accept totally that relationships are over and things are never going to be the same again, espically when in your case you were together for such a substantial amount of time, i assume you did your growing up in your teenage years as an item.

Really the best thing to do is not to force anything that is not there and not to build your hopes up because if you are building your self up to be let down again then it is going to hurt and cause more pain.

I don't think i would have got through it if it wasn't for some of my friends, so try spending time with your other friends go out with your girl mates and such, because you are still your own person with or without him in your life. Take a step back relax and let friendship develop naturally when you feel that you are ready for just a friendship

That was too long i'm really sorry. You can pm or something if you wnat me to explain a bit better or anything