manual

Former Member

I need a relationships manual!!!!

sorry, just feeling really down.

Former Member

Just realised how pathetic my last post was, and i have an urge to elaborate it

Well, I am very, very annoyed because i just can't get a gf. To me it's not just a matter of getting a girl, and i'm not the type of "any girl will do". I want it to mean more. When i meet a girl i really like, we always end up as friends. That's because i'm trying to be myself, and i suceed at that. Just being myself, that is as nice and polite as possible brings me a lot of female friends. I know it's nice in the long run and stuff, but when you have a crush with a girl, you really don't want her to be just friends with you, right? Right.

Well, does anyone know how not to cross the friendship line, while staying nice, polite, and not making anyone feel uncomfortable? I guess that's what i meant by "I need a relationships manual". There's one more thing, that was unanswered in one of my previous posts, and that is:
You need to be confident in order for the girl to like you, but can't be confident unless you're experienced. Especially if you've been turned down a couple of times before...

Sorry for a long post, i'm just feeling like a piece of shit :rolleyes:

Former Member

I think, you may be trying too hard

you seem like a nice guy, so when you go out with a girl, be yourself, do be nice, courtious, freindly... but the difficult part is being flirty without being pushy.

be yourself, but don't try, just do

relax, tell the girl you had a really nice time with her, and would she like to go with you to dinner/a movie/a walk/ice skating, whatever, just something where there's the two of you, and no pressure from other freinds and the like.

patience is a virtue, and good freinds are hard to come by- cherish your freinds, and know that the right gf for you is out there, looking for you

Former Member

You're trying too hard, mate. Love can't be forced, it comes when it is ready.

If you want to make sure you don't just become friends with a girl, don't just set your stall out to be friends. Even from quite early on hint that there is something more that you want with her- flirt with her shamelessly, make sure you compliment her as a sexual being not just as a friend. If you become too good friends without there being a sexual chemistry that's obvious you will remain friends and nothing more.

Former Member

You're right, but i'm not quite helping myself... I feel lonely, and, well, this may sound weird for a guy to say, but i just need a hug, someone to talk to, and not necessary in a sexual manner. Actually, that's really not my objective. I'll quote Theydon Bois:
"but the difficult part is being flirty without being pushy."

Exactly my point there. I don't want to be pushy. I don't consider myself to be a shy guy, but i sure don't like to be in the middle of action, if you know what i mean. One more thing: I usually start feeling things for a girl after i really get to know her well, and that is in order of about three months. I'm one of the rare cases to whom it's the personality that REALLY, REALLY matters. I don't even get a crush on a girl if i don't really know her personality to bits. By that time, she's too friendly to me, and being more than friends is out of question

Any suggestions?

Former Member

I'm in the same sort of situation as you... but i've chosen to think like this:

When i first meet a girl..... Do we get on? Do i find her attractive? Is there that sort of spark? If all three are there, then its probable something may become of it, even without knowing her personality inside out.

so be yourself and be friendly but just add little subtle hints like when talking, like making long eye contact, hugging when departing or meeting and to round it off ask if you two could go for a drink some kind.
Therefore you can become good friends but you are showing you'd like to take it further.....

Hope that helps (but doubt it)

Former Member

Hope that helps (but doubt it)

:)

Well, that does help a bit, but not when you don't get to meet new girls too often. Thanks for the advice, might take it, if i meet a new gal

Anyone else?

Former Member

To meet more girls you could get your current friends to introduce you to their other friends or just have a giant meet up of friends of friends...

Really, thats how i have met most of my friends... But i do understand how frustrating it is. My best friend i still have a crush on I just should of shown my feelings sooner, now its kinda too late but i'm happy being her friend.

Former Member

before my boyfriend became that, he was my best male friend... so just keep being yourself, but be a little more expressive on what you feel... just don't say i luv u on the first date, that not very pleasant... show a little bit everyday

Former Member

I just should of shown my feelings sooner, now its kinda too late but i'm happy being her friend.

Did you tell her about ur feelings?

I remember giving the "i love u" speech and i was so excited and pumped with adrenaline (i've had a crush on her for 2 years), and watching it from a third person's view.

Former Member

Originally posted by not_an_angel
before my boyfriend became that, he was my best male friend... so just keep being yourself, but be a little more expressive on what you feel... just don't say i luv u on the first date, that not very pleasant... show a little bit everyday

Well, I did just that, even 'tho it wasn't on a "date". Just used the opportunity when we were alone, and had some time free. I realise it is a mistake, but at that time it felt completely appropriate to me, because that's what i really felt. I had a major crush on her. Unfortunately, it seems that my love life is kinda a one-way street

Former Member

Originally posted by nmrmak
Did you tell her about ur feelings? .[/SIZE]

No and dont think i'll ever will...... i think it would just ruin the relationship altogether if i did tell her..... we did get quite close but i let that time slip by. Were really close as friends and i dont want to ruin it by showing my feelings as i pretty much know she dont feel the same way.

Former Member

I was in a similar situation. The difference is that you are quite confident in yourself, at least the part of not telling her. I had many doubts, and just had to open my heart.

Former Member

You think it's something subliminal?

Could be true, I am really trying my best not to think about it all, i just had to get it off my chest back then. It's actually the happiest solution not to think about it at all...